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My guy's gal friend
Hey. So I’m a seventeen year old girl, dating a seventeen year old guy, and were both seniors. In all aspects, he’s a pretty much perfect boyfriend. We’ve been dating for three months and the only complaint I have is about one of his friends.
For about three years, he’s been really close to this girl. She’s sixteen, a junior. I knew when we first started talking that they were very good friends, and I could tell in just the way he talked about her that she meant a lot to him. But he assured me it was strictly a brother-sister type relationship. And while I trust him, it’s still been hard to always see it like that. She’s absolutely gorgeous, and a really sweet girl. I know I’m not ugly but she just has this way about her… she’s very very small. And he is very very very protective of her. And I don’t know, he doesn’t get that kind of protective of me (shes one of those, damsel in distress type that all guys love to "rescue" all the time). He is always taking care of her… And while yeah, I don’t need taking care of exactly, it still feels weird. Basically before we started dating they would talk on the phone or text every single day, hang out every weekend, he took her to prom… they were inseprapable. And he has reeeeeally cut back on how much he’s been seeing her. And I haven’t had to ask him to do that, and I know he doesn’t like it, but he does it. And while he doesn’t’ complain about it, or even acknowledge it, I know he misses her. But honestly, I don’t know what to do. I’m scared he’s gonna fall in love with her or something. I want him to be happy but I don’t want to get involved in his friendships or do anything that might break us up. And I feel selfish and guilty because I know she needs him and I know he really cares about her… but what am I supposed to do!?
On a side not, this girl and me do no get a long AT ALL. It’s a long story but she basically hates me because of something that happened between me and her friend…, which… well it’s complicated. But I don’t necessarily like her either? Yeah… so me hanging around her is kind of out of the question.
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Hello,
i can truly relate to this on both sides. I have a friend who i call a brother. If for example i'm going to hang out with him i would tell my mom "i'm hanging out with my brother today." And although i am not a damsel in distress, he has rescued me from a lot of life threatening situations. I've also been on the other side of the table where my husband had a best friend. Ugh...lol..i really did not like her.She had that pretty little perfect barbie face and she is skinny and perfect. However, i did try to get to know her. The funny thing is i never even met her. She wanted nothing to do with me. You are lucky, and i'll tell you why. You did say he has cut back on talking to her. Normally that would not happen. Even till this day my husband knows i would do anything for my brother, because to me he is family and that is what we do. Your boyfriend did that for you, because he loves you. That is a big thing. I don't know if he's known her longer than you, but i am guessing their bond was stronger/bigger in the beginning, and he has sort of let it go for you. Friendship is really important so if they are as close as i think they were it must be a sting. My brother now is engaged, and when he met his at the time girlfriend i was in Japan with my husband (he's in the Air Force, we were stationed there.) Well, he would constantly tell her about me and funny stories that the poor girl was terrified to meet me. And when her and i got to talk she would constantly ask me if i am sure nothing between him and i has ever happened. It is hard, to believe that someone that has such a bond like that wouldn't. The best i can tell you is, he is obviously in love with you to try so hard to make things work with you by putting his friendship aside. And i know that you said that talking to her is out of the question, but sometimes, in a relationship/marriage we have to compromise.Put our own feelings aside and show the other person we care and are trying too. If you build a bond with her as well you wouldn't feel singled out or feel like you are making him unhappy.It will show him you are mature and as committed as he is. Have a sit down with her, let her know that whatever the drama is between you and her friend is another story. That you know she has a close sisterly bond with your boyfriend and wouldn't want things to be awkward because of any outside drama. If your boyfriend valued her friendship she must be a good friend. As time goes by, you realize, that all of that High School drama was petty, and you start to wonder if you could have done things somehow differently. And knowing that you can't is the worse feeling in the world. So whatever you decide to do, think about it first. Make a pros and cons list. I hope i was able to help you!
:)
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This girl doesn't like you because you are now in a position where she wants to be. It's obvious, She cares about him, He cares about her. There doesn't always need to be a reason to why someone doesn't like a person it could be no more then simple jealousy.
Although your boyfriend keeps on insisting that she is no more than a sister figure, If their relationship is making you feel insecure then you should sit down and express how you feel towards your boyfriend. Do it in a non controlling way. The only way to get dirt on someone is to dig for it. Like they say otherwise if you have a feeling about something.....That feeling may be right. :/
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hmm this is really interesting. i wouldnt worry about it if i were you. just love the time you spend with your boyfriend and cherish it. if she causes any problems between you and your boyfriend which results with you 2 fighting then thats the time to worry. i think you should just leave them and maybe ask him about her? if you have already done that then just see how things go and im sure eventually you will maybe realise that she is just like a little sister to him. i doubt anything is going on between them because he seems to be really into you if he stops spending time with her to be with you. i think your just a bit paranoid but dont worry because if he did like her or something then he wouldnt be with you.
hope i helped :)
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