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My boyfriend changed me into something i'm not
I'm a 13 yearold girl i'm a blond and blue eyed.A lot of guys ask me out.Anyway my boyfriend is 16 and he changed me into someone i'm not.When we started dating he told i should dress more “slutty”.Then i started waring “slutty” clothes. Our relationship started from a little kissing and making out to being in a sexual relationship.My friend saw the change of my personality, even i saw the change.i turned from a blond who did the right thing to a blond who is a slut and does anything right.i want to change but i don't want to end my relationship with my boyfriend.Please give me advice.i can't stop thinking about my situation.
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You have for the most part answered your own question in what you have written to us.
You don't like what you have become. You know deep down your boyfriend is using you even if the conscious you does not want to recognize this. You , I am almost certain of this knows it is wrong at your age to be dating someone 3 years older than you.
If you agree with what I've written so far read on, if not stop here and move on to the next advisor.
Put the slutty clothes in a goodwill bag, you will out grow them soon enough anyway and get some proper clothes. Tell your boyfriend you are a better person than he wants you to be and he should date you for who you are and that the free sex train has reached the final stop. No more sex until you are older. If he really loves you he will stay with you. If he is just using you, as I feel he is, he will find away to dump you or he will beg you not to change.
A three year difference in age at your present age is a very big difference. To put it in perspective it is like the difference between New York and San Francisco. When your 21 a 3 year difference in age is the difference between one side of the street and the other.
IF you are having sex with your boyfriend I honestly feel he is using you to get what he can't get from someone his own age. There are two things wrong with this. First someone your age should not be having sex, your too young to truly understand all the responsibilities that go with having sex.
Secondly you can get a reputation you do not want. Teenage boys cannot and will not keep a secret, they all kiss and tell. He tells his best buddy telling him to keep it secret. The next thing you know the whole school knows and suddenly you are the most popular girl in school. Is what you want.
Don't worry about ending your relationship with your boyfriend you will have plenty of other boyfriends before you choose your life's mate. He is using you and you know it. Don't ever let anyone use you or make you into something that you are not. You are better than that.
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That's creepy.
Let me explain.
There are two types of sexually active teenaged guys. The first kind is the guy who seeks girls who are like him, interested and willing when it comes to sex. The second is the "mold your girlfriend into what you want her to be" kind of guy who gets off on sleeping with virgins and changing girls into what suits him.
Your boyfriend is the second kind. The second kind has the additional downsides of not respecting you as a human being and a person, and being willing to manipulate you to get what he wants in all kinds of different ways, none of which will be fun or enjoyable for you.
The only real advice is that this needs to end. At 13 you don't have the life experience for me to really explain to you in a way you can understand exactly what this guy has done to you, but it amounts to removing your chances to learn to see the world in your own way, and substituting instead his way of seeing the world.
As people grow up, everyone develops their own perspective on things. They have their own opinions on what's right and wrong, what's good and bad, what's sexy and what's not.
He's taken your chances to figure that out for yourself and inserted his own desires. So where you would have been free to come up with your own ideas of how to be attractive to guys, instead you just dressed "slutty" because he told you to.
This is not a healthy relationship pattern.
He will actively fight the changes you want to make because he knows exactly who he wants you to be and you don't yet.
Decent sexually active guys break up with girls like you or don't date them in the first place. I avoided virgins like the plague in high school. It was nothing personal, but the more experienced the better when you're someone who wants an actively sexual relationship.
You don't really know what you want yet. You aren't supposed to, you're 13. We try to protect kids your age from sex for the simple reason that there are alot of other things you need to figure out about dating that all take alot of time to work out for yourself that need to be addressed before you hit the point where you're sleeping with someone.
If you were three or four years older, you probably wouldn't have given this guy a second thought. It's easy for a 16 year old to seem like a cool, mature, intelligent, worldly guy worth dating to a 13 year old. It just is, you don't have enough experience with losers and douchebags to know what you're seeing.
Ten years from now, you'll see guys who still act like him and be disgusted. The 26 year old guy dating a 16-18 year old who just makes your skin crawl because he's so goddamn creepy.
You don't have the perspective now, you aren't supposed to, you're 13.
Break up. You aren't going to figure this out with your manipulative dick of a boyfriend sitting on your shoulder telling you there's nothing wrong with what you've been up to and you just need to relax and go with it. He's not going to really give a shit that you think somethings wrong and want to figure that out for yourself.
He's just going to be pissed that you stop putting out, and he's going to move on to another girl who hasn't figured out what you just figured out (that there are guys out there who will manipulate the hell out of you to get laid).
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Ask yourself, is this worth it? You are 13 and he is 16. A three year difference wont mean much when you are 20, but at your age there is something really creepy about it. Very few relationships will last at your age, and a guy like the one you're dating is not worth changing for. Do you intend to stay together for life? I hope not. He will never stop trying to change you. Now he knows he can push you to do something, he wont respect your desire to be yourself. He wont respect you at all.
He is using you. There is no question of it, and it is the raw and painful truth. You are young and don't really know how relationships work yet; he's taking advantage of that to satisfy his lust. This is not fair to you! There are plenty of other guys out there, much better guys, and you will find that perfect someone eventually.
A good boyfriend doesn't care what kind of clothes you wear, because he isn't dating your clothes or your boobs: he's dating you! He will like you for the way you laugh, the way you stand up for the people you care about, even the foods you love and the way you smile when you eat them. And if you smack when you chew gum, or have bad teeth, or wear stupid hats, he will like you anyway.
Does your current boyfriend care that much about you? I doubt it. If you told him you refused to dress like a 'slut' and don't want to do more than kiss him, would he be ok with that or would he get upset and threaten to dump you? If you are unhappy with what your current boyfriend has changed you into, why continue? Ditch him, be the person you want to be, and find people who like you for you instead of your body and the slutty clothes they forced on you. Good luck.
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Hi! Try to answer these questions:
1) do you like the girl who you have become?
2) is she more at peace with the world?
3) does she have more friends ?
4)will this change make her a successful person in the future?
5) if you had your own kids, would you be agood example for them?
If you answered no , then you really have to change!!
you have LOST yourself, your identity and DO NOT LET ANYONE TELL YOU HOW TO DRESS OR DO STUFF! especially he is just a boyfriend!
only listen to advice that is going to BENEFIT your future!you have to believe in yourself (get to try different sports of get into a hobby, try baking etc..) and be a secure and be a happy individual! you dont need another person to make you "complete" or happy because you are a complete girl! you have to get the control back!
be the best that you can be and do not let anyone tell you otherwise!
get the respect back!hope that was helpful!
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