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I have feelings for my friend
I'm a female who has for the most part lived a heterosexual lifestyle although I identify as bisexual.
Recently, I have increasingly developed feelings for a close female friend. I think she's straight and she has told me about guys she likes on occasion but she rarely discusses her relationships with people.
We have a very loving friendship and she is very tactile with me. Sometimes I wonder if perhaps she feels the same way about me but I am terrified of saying anything to her.
What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Technically you're only bi-curious until you have sex with another girl, then you'll become bisexual. You can start telling her about a few female friends that you know who've slept with other girls and see what her reaction is. Let it slip that one of those girls wanted to hook up with you and you considered it but you weren't that attracted to her. Let her know you're attracted to someone more like her and see what she says. There's also the sleep over approach. Play a little truth or dare and see how she plays along with some risky dares. If she refuses just blame it on the game but if she agrees, then you can move forward. If you need any other help, please let me know. I hope this helps and good luck.
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If you tell her about the way you feel, it may effectively end your friendship. That is an unfortunate truth. So, what you must decide is whether it is worth that risk.
If you do decide to tell her, then it might be a good idea to first inform her of your preferences in general. Does she know that you consider yourself bi? Tell her that before you tell her about your feelings; that give you a chance to "test the waters", and it also avoids giving her the double-whammy of both pieces of surprising news at the same time. And, if she doesn't share those preferences, then you have the benefit of knowing what her response would be if you told her about your deeper feelings for her.
How would you describe your feelings? Is it simple attraction, curiosity, infatuation? Or do you think you would go so far as to call it "Love"?
If you feel like you may be in love with her, then your friendship is ultimately doomed if you do NOT tell her; eventually, it will either come out or tear you apart inside. So in that case, you do need to tell her - if only so you don't have to live with not having told her. That kind of regret lasts your whole life (I'm almost 40 years old, married with kids, and I STILL occasionally feel that poisonous regret over the one to whom I never expressed my real feelings, until it was too late).
But if your feelings don't run quite that deep, then it may be better to try and get over them and resign yourself to being friends without benefits.
One other thing - if for whatever reason she asks you directly, tell her the truth. One should never lie about love.
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