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A Lifetime of Self-Harm. What Can I do When it Feels Hopeless?
I have had a problem for 8 years now with self harm. It started out with a small case of bullemia...when i had to get 2 teethe pulled from the issue, i began anorexia. I would starve and pass out. When I turned 15 i began cutting myself. I have slowed the cutting down to once a week...but am replacing it with other problems. (picking at myself, damaging my personal belongings, socially withdrawing myself,etc.) but of all these years the 7 other people in my family have not noticed. i do not want to tell them cause they are all jerks, and i have no friends or anyone else in my life i can talk too. I ust turned 18 and chest pain, crying, sadness, emotional distress, self harm. It just needs to go away. what can i do its hopless.
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I have suffered from depression for nearly ten years. I completely understand what you're feeling. I felt completely hollow and without purpose. I also felt that nobody was aware or willing to help me with my depression (especially my family).
My self-arming included: Cutting/scratching, strangulation, prescription drug abuse, anorexia/bulimia, punching (my own body), etc. Like you, I would ween off of one form of self-harming and fixate on another.
Due to the fact that I did not feel like my family would be understanding about my depression, I eventually became "desperate" enough and made an appointment with a university counselor. From there, I went on to see a doctor, psychologist, mental health nurse, and psychiatrist.
I suggest that you seek out counseling of some form. May it be a high school counselor, teacher, etc. There are also available outlets like Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868). Kids Help Phone volunteers can be very helpful in directing you to the path you wish to take to get help and in finding resources near you.
Best of luck and strength.
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I sympathise with your situation seems like you have been threw a lot. I'm a 17 year old girl that suffers from bipolar and I understand what its like to feel hopeless. Have you ever been to your doctor about your sadness and self harm? If not I strongly recommend you do, they can help a lot. They can give you medication to help you, refer you to people to talk to and to help express your feelings of sadness in a non distructive way. From experience I find when I want to self harm I squeeze ice cubes untill they melt or I listen to really loud music and draw to take my mind off it. Please get help, life can be better. I'm here to talk if you need it.
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Help is a phone call away. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you.
Don't let the name get to you. You have a crisis issue were you are trying to harm yourself. You may not be trying to commit suicide but what you are doing to yourself is just as harmful. The people at the crisis hotline will put you in touch with professional help in your town who can help you overcome the problems causing you to harm yourself.
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First of all, I apologize for the situation you're in. I'm 16yrs old so I'm younger than you by a few years, but I know what it's like to feel like you have nothing left. I've been there and I've cut before. And ouch that hurts, but at least you have something to feel other than numb right??? Wrong :)There's plenty of other things you can do that are constructive towards your health rather than degrading. Quick short story.....The first time I cut was two years ago. At the time I didn't know why I was doing it, but when I looked hard enough I knew. Cutting myself made me get even more down, angry and depressed. I decided I didn't want to live like that anymore and figured everyone would be better without me. So, after I was done cutting I took some pills to permanently end myself. And my little sister out of all people saved me. When I woke up I was in my bed. She was there. I felt terrible for the examlpes I was letting her grow up with. It made me feel selfish and somehow even more misunderstood. But, she's much stronger than me. She took out my stash of books I'd been writing and working on for years. She took out my drawings and my books. She opened one of the books to an unfinished page, handed me a pen and said, "Write." From that day on, everytime I feel intensely depressed or down and sorrowful I pick up my paper and pen and write a story, true or fale, about anything anywhere. I've slipped up a few times and went back to relying on cutting but when I did I remembered that I have something to live for and something to offer the world through my words on paper. I don't know what hobbies you have that you love to do, but I'm sure there's something. Think only about things that make you truely happy and use those as a substitute for cutting, damaging your belongings, etc. For me that was writing and drawing. If I'm sad I'll listen to music too. One thing about that though...don't listen to songs with lyrics involving unpleasant things while you're upset. It does nothing to help you out it only makes your mood worse...but then again everyone's different. Please try something more constructive though. And if you really can't find anything better to help with your problems then I'd suggest talking to someone you trust with your heart. (meaning no jerks) Or if there really is no one you can trust maybe talk to a councilor. You said your 18 now though and that's the golden age! You have freedom to get out of where you are if you can, but I know that's not always the case for everyone. But, if you can....find somewhere that makes you feel safe ( bedroom with a lock, the park, the zoo, your car, the bathroom, ANYWHERE that makes you feel welcome and comforted...) and do what you love to do other than cutting. Read a book, create cartoons, learn to play a new instrument, sing, make lyrics to songs*constructive lyrics no depressing stuff*, cook, make mini models of larger objects, take apart machines and rebuild them into something new, make your own website, start a blog, take photos and videos of things you love, scrapbooking, collecting rocks or different varieties of plants, style and cut hair(not wrists) paint and design nails, draw new clothes designs for fashion models on a runway, build bird houses, re-arrange your room, volunteer at the animal shelter, volunteer at the zoo or childrens care area. I hope my story and some of these ideas helped you out at least a little bit :) you may right me back with any other questions you have if you want *stay hopeful. There's always something you can do to stay hopeful.
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