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Is childbirth as horrible as I heard? Should I use adoption so I don't have to give birth?
14/f
Hey everybody. FIRST OFF- I am not talking about now, I am talking about when I'm older!!
Various resources have scared me away from childbirth, and I was wondering- is it as difficult to adopt as I've heard? I plan on adopting a young child if I ever decide to adopt. I know that adopting an infant is a huge production, but what about a small child?
Also, which is more expensive (adoption or childbirth in a hospital)? Can anybody tell me approximately how much either would cost?
Also, are childbirth and pregnancy as horrible as I've come to learn they are?
Any answers are much appreciated, thank you!
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There are three options for having a child:
1. Traditional (the infant goes through your vaginal opening)
2. C-section (the doctors perform a surgery to remove the infant from your womb)
3. adoption
Adoption is VERY expensive, but so is having a baby. year by year, the price is about the same. But the difference is a lot of the time giving birth is paid for by your insurance whereas adoption isn't.
As for the pain: don't worry too much. I mean, how bad can it be if people have like 12 kids traditionally?
In the hospital, if the pain is really bad, they will give you different choices of methods of removing the pain. My aunt's daughter basically slid out on her own without giving my aunt any pain at all, whereas I basically tortured my mother from the inside. It's different for each pregnancy. My brother wasn't too bad and my sisters were fairly easy. And I'm the middle child, not the oldest. So she got pretty easy, horrible, then two more easy ones.
When you're in labour, you can be given an "epidural" which they put in your back and it removes any pain from there down. During the nine months, you can be given both advice and medication to help the pain from your doctor. You get checked every so often, mandatory, so when you go if there's any issues or really bad pain just talk to them and they'll suggest something.
Yes, there are a lot of horror stories. But it's the 21st century now. Things are a lot different now than in the 1800s. in the 1800s you had to endure it all, and now you don't have to.
Although I am completely for adoption, and giving a home to children who need it, I suggest you have a traditional birth.
If you choose a C-section birth, you will have so rest for a lot longer than if you have a traditional birth. So I would say to try for that, rather than a C-section (unless something goes wrong and you need to have the surgery).
By the way, if I am correct: you don't get put to sleep for a C-section. You are awake during it but numbed.
Hope I helped!
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I think the best thing you can do to find out is to experience it yourself. You can always go for a caesarian if you cannot do it on normal delivery.
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Being a male I can't tell you what child birth feels like. My wife told me it is like trying to pull a full sized watermelon out of your nose.
She also said that once the nurse but our son in her arms she forgot all about the pain,all about whatever the doctor was still doing to her. All of her attention and focus was on our son.
Would she do it again, yes. The joy of holding her child more than compensated for the pain she felt. Today a women has a choice to have a natural child birth or to have medications to ease the pain of childbirth. When your older and the time comes to start a family you can look at all the options there are. There will be people who will push you to go all natural for the full experience and the betterment of the child. Here again this is a choice that YOU make.
My wife's pregnancy was fairly easy. She had some morning sickness during the first trimester. If you are in good health and have regular prenatal care you too should have an easy pregnancy. Here again though each women's pregnancy is different and each women will tell you a different story based on her own temperament. Not all pregnancies are horrible. You only read about the horrible ones.
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Childbirth:
Yes it hurts but when its over you dont even remember and them can give you an epidural for pain. Although I believe it slows down your labor. I had an epidural with my first and not my second. My first I was in labor around 12 hours my second I was in labor maybe 3 hours. I was in a lot of pain but I cant even remember at all. Also I didnt pay anything to have either of my children I was on medicad for pregnant woman. But the cost for the clothing, diapers, wipes, socks, blankets, crib, car seat everything is so expensive.
Adoption:
I dont know much about but I know they look at your income to she if you can afford to take care of child. They like it better if you are married and they look at his income. But thats all I know about that hopefully someone else can tell you about adoption.
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As far as cost goes, it depends. Domestic adoption (within the US) is usually much cheaper than international, and in some circumstances can cost less than childbirth in a hospital. However, most people have insurance that covers child birth expenses, while adoption is never covered by insurance. I wouldn't want to scare you off from adoption - I think it is a wonderful thing, when successful. However, I don't think you should be scared of childbirth either. The thing is, although yes, it's uncomfortable and painful to carry a baby around for 9 months and then be in labor for hours, all of that is immediately masked by the emotion, happiness and awe of holding a tiny mixture of you and your husband. It's one of those pains that you go through knowing that in the end, it will be worth it... something comparable to getting braces or studying for a test (ok well the pain isn't comparable, but I'm trying to make it relatable...) but in the end you hold this human being that you created in your arms, and they look up at you and recognize you as "mommy".
Now, adoption on the other hand, although you still become a parent, is a much more business like process. TONS of paperwork, TONS of emotional stress, TONS of risks. With adopting an infant internationally, it is a complete gamble... more so in some countries than in others. You can adopt a child who you are told is perfectly healthy, and find out (once you are their LEGAL parent) that they are mentally retarded. You can fork over tens of thousands of dollars, and find out that the childs family decided to take them back. Inside the US, it can be the same way. Thousands of dollars for a baby, and the mother decides not to adopt it out.
If you adopt a young child, there is a whole different set of risks. First of all, you can adopt an older child (from age 4 and up, anything younger is usually considered an infant) for a smaller fee. However, now you risk emotional damage to the child because of years in foster care. This is what happened in my case when my parents tried to adopt a younger girl. We were told she was perfectly healthy, good school records, happy little girl. In the end, my parents had to terminate the adoption when she tried to kill me. So yeah... adoption can be extremely, extremely tough. I would say 99% of the time, more emotional and economic stress is involved in adoption than in childbirth. Think about it, would you rather spend 30,000 dollars at a hospital, paying for your childs needs and sending them to college, or pay that same money to an adoption agency (who knows what they actually do with all that money?) so that you can *maybe* be the parent to a beautiful child that needs a loving home?
Like I said, I'm NOT trying to turn you off to the idea of adoption, but just trying to give you another view, since you sound very scared of childbirth. And, of course you are way to young to be worrying about it too much, but many girls around 18-22 years old develop a motherly instinct, where going through childbirth and pregnancy don't sound so scary any more. I know I used to feel the same way when I was younger, but once you get more used to the idea it is easier to accept that childbirth is just part of life.
Here is some info on the costs:
Adoption:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Childbirth: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Hope this helped!!
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