|
Understanding my self confidence
It seems as if no matter how hard I try, I get caught in the same twist every single time I am interested in a girl.
I am currently 17 years old, and my first high school crush was this girl in ninth grade I knew. We shared a choir class, and she always joked around and flirted with me. At first, I acted myself and charmed her by doing so, yet as I started to fall for her more and more, I changed my mannerisms in a fear that if I keep showing her my true self, she will become uninterested in me. I tried to hide my feelings by acting macho and sort of mean, and that made her distance herself, and when I eventually confessed my feelings, she turned me down, and that night was still the worst night of my life.
Ever since then, I have felt the need to change my personality once I know a girl likes me. The moment I find out that she is interested, I choke up and any conversation becomes awkward as I focus in too much on making her laugh, making her interested, just desperately keeping control and making sure I don't lose her, and I always do
The next year, I had a relationship with a girl from Youth Camp. She was feminist, super liberal, and a very outspoken and loud girl. My main insecurities are trivial, like stomach hair, public perception, and other dumb stuff, but its those little things that make me so unconfident in my abilities. But I digress. I worked up the nerve to explain to her how self conscious I was, and she just said whatever, thats ok. I fell in love with her immediately, satisfied with the person who saw my true self and was unabashed. I then became clingy, and she also ended the relationship
Most recently, I started talking to this other girl. She was a year younger than me, and was the prettiest girl in my school. Guys chased after her, and I thought that hey, I might as well see who she is as a person. At first, she was distant, probably getting messages from many other fellas, but soon, she started initiating our conversations and she started to like me. We talked for six months for hours every single day. The moment I figured out that she was interested, I faltered. We set up a date to the movies, and my hands were shaking and I was totally nervous. In the movies though, I cracked some jokes and made her laugh, and she held my arm, which made me think that she was interested in me, either that are very flirtatious. Long story short, after the movies, she stopped talking to me at all, and I torture myself with wondering why. With wondering why I mess up right when I know she likes me, with wondering why I can't trust my abilities, with wondering why Im a good looking guy but still hone in on every glaring little flaw in my body and mind.
I know my confidence isnt that great, but I have to figure out what to fix so I dont ruin it next time. Im deeply sorry if this is too long, but I need some help. Thanks :)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
all what I can say is is that .. you know what it wasnt meant to be BECAUSE.. all three girls you explained here got a vibe that they liked you but once they got to knwo you you arent there type and thats fine.. trust me.. if a girl really likes you she will respect you and will help you get better by not beign nervous or jittery and she wont mind you being clingry or talk hours in a day more then 6 months.. dont worry you worry so much that once you your mind is p[rogrammed to change when a girl says i like you.. well you need to reset your mind and tell yourself you know what if this girl liks me.. i havent changed yet.. so she obviously is interested in the person I am.. so why shouldI change? if I change.. you knwo she might not like that person because she liked or fell in love with the person who I changed... thats really why these girls aernt being with you.. you change.. no girl wants a guy to change.. they like you because your YOU yuor not someone or being macho you are yourself and since you changed they didnt want anything to do with it... trust me your 17 and you got a WHOLE life ahead of you you have nothing to worry about .. theer are sooo many girls out there you will find one and she wont turn you down like these have trust me and they are young some of them mimght be a bit immature too... hence no experience either.. but you have because you have tried different things like joking around , movies, hchanging, nervous flaws.. it lets you have a bigger outlook on how to be with a girl... its fine dont worry! your confidence now.. always you just said you are a good looking guy... you have SOME confidence... you need to not change and when you talk to a girl that says she likes you , do not think of it tha tmoment just really focus on itbeing another normal day wondering if she does actually trust me it will go well!! :)
this is a site or two and explore..
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I personally like the first one better though :)
good luck!!!
ps NERVER EVER BE A LADIES GUY...
]
Hey there :)
Okay let me start by saying never change who you are your personality or anything for anyone. I know that is sometimes easier said that done but think about it that seems to be your main problem as you know yourself is your confidence.
These girls were interested in YOU the initially weren't they? :) But then you drove them away when you tried to be something your not. Showed them a side they didn't like and didn't see at first.
You need to learn to love yourself before anyone else can. That doesn't mean becoming egotistical and big headed. It means coming to terms with your good qualities and focusing on them!
Everyone has insecurities.
I'm a girl I have a TON of them!
Whenever I would feel insecure around guys I would focus on my good points in my head until I convinced myself to relax.Like I have pretty hair I like my cheekbones. I have a good sense of humour and I'm a nice person. It's okay to focus on our good points. We focus on the bad waay too much.
You need to relax. Trust in yourself your personality. When you were talking to these girls first they obviously saw what a great person you were but then you turned them off by becoming too nervous over compensating coming on too strong and being clingly.
The next time there is a girl you are interested in Don't worry too much about driving her away by doing that you are ultimately doing it anyway!
Be yourself it IS working for you until you start to panic.
Have faith in yourself and the girl if she's the right one and your judgement :)
Think to yourself..she likes you..GREAT! :) it's all smooth sailing from there just continue doing what you were doing before you knew that. Don't go into panic mode.
Write down what you like about yourself sounds corny but it works.
Every time one of your flaws comes into your head stamp it out with well my hair is great. stuff like that really helps me.
:)
Us girls get turned off if a guy comes on too strong by being really clingly and confessing all his insecurities at once.
Once she likes you keep being yourself then when thngs progress let her know your insecurities. She will be flattered you shared and relieved that you have them too!
My boyfriend shared his insecurities with me and it made me feel like wow he sometimes feels how I do!
It made us closer and stronger. If he told me all that in the first weeks of our relationship I would have thought omg too much baggage do you see where I am coming from?
You seem like a really nice genuine guy who would treat a girl like she should be :)
So relax focus on your positives and remind yourself SHE LIKES YOUU! =)
Hope this helps anymore questions please feel free to inbox me.
Much <3
Jess-17/f
]
First of all for the grade 9 Girl.. Girls do not like macho im the greeatest guy in the world ego driven guys.
Second. You must learn to be yourself. I know that is hard around girls and it's easy to choke up in conversations,. us girls are the exact same.
Clingyness is a hard thing to come over,. Just dont be too attached and try not to be too distant as well
As far as this movie popular chicky goes... something sounds fishy to me... Why not try asking her what went wrong and why she became so distant after.. it might not be you,. it actually might be something to do with her and how she didn't want to lead you on..
As far as confidence goes,. That is a very tough thing to overcome,. i myself as a girl have very very huge confidence issues,. you just gotta keep telling yourself you are amazing you are handsome and well deserving of a great gal!
Hope this helps:)
~Jasmine*
]
More Questions: |