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I need space sometimes, he doesn't understand I don't think
21 female. Boyfriend is 19
I'm not used to being in a relationship. I just recently got my first real boyfriend. I'm an independent person but he treats me like a princess.
The only thing that bothers me is how he ALWAYS has to be by me, touching me, holding me, etc. Sometimes I just want to be like STOP give me space!! I feel like it makes both of us look bad when we're around other people. I absolutely hate people who are all over each other. Plus it makes people feel awkward sometimes and it annoys them not to mention it annoys me also.
Sometimes I'll push him away but then he thinks I'm mad at him or something and he'll be like what's wrong? Or I'll just be like "Don't do that" and he listens for a sec but then starts doing it again.
I don't really know how to bring this up. I don't know how to tell him nicely that I need space sometimes and that I don't want him by me, on me, touching me ALL THE TIME. I'm fine with holding hands if we're walking somewhere or kissing him goodbye but I don't want him to be all over me all the time. And when I try to say it subtle to him he always says like "I can't help it, your too beautiful"
I feel like I can't win. What should I do or say? Any suggestions!!?
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I know it's hard to bring up subjects like these, but maybe you should try this. Whenever he tries this, just tell him right away when you are upset. Let him know how you feel and that you don't like it when he is all over you. Tell him that you dont mind contact unless it all the time and that it makes you look bad in front of other people. If he acts all sorry and then does it again, give him only one more chance. If it is in public, say firmly "can i talk to you?" and go and tell him why he keeps doing it when you specifically asked him not to. If he still just does not understand, break up with him asap. This is super unhealthy! He might be a good guy or whatever, but even if it starts subtly, this might someday lead to sexual abuse. Scary, huh? Well leave him before it's to late. After all, what are you in relationship for if it's not to be happy? Life is too short to be anything but happy! Well, good luck!
-Millie :)
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Don't be subtle. Be gentle and respectful but firm.
"The amount of physical contact you make is too much for me. I feel like you are touching me all the time, and it makes me not want to be touched at all."
Tell him you need his help to fix this, or your relationship will suffer. You can't feel like you at his mercy all the time and not get annoyed with him.
You aren't wrong. This isn't just because you are inexperienced. Unfortunately this is a kind of courtesy and respect boys are not taught -- it takes a while and a few confident girlfriends for many guys to learn how to coexist with their rommantic partner respectfully. He probably honestly thinks that you want this -- he probably honestly thinks that if you don't want him touching you all the time then you must not like him.
He's wrong. Not evil. Just wrong. He isn't aware that he is being impolite to you or others. He doesn't realize that you can still like his touch and like him, and not want to feel like you might be grabbed at any moment.
Correct him, firmly. You can help him by being specific. Please don't touch me when I'm eating, or when I am speaking or someone is speaking to me.
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Relationships are all about communication, If you two can't talk about things then your relationship is pretty much doomed.
If you feel smothered, You need to tell him. If you are unsure of how to start it you could say:
" I love you but I am just not in the mood to cuddle right now" This is straight to the point and not too over board. Your boyfriend also needs to learn to be open with communicating, If he gets mad and upset by what you said he will eventually get over it. Everyone needs their space in a relationship, I myself don't like being smothered either.
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