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My boy, a cheater.
So, a few weeks ago I met this guy and we clicked from the very beginning. Mentally more than anything honestly. We decided to kinda jump the gun and be with each other, so we would purely be one another's. One weekend a couple of my friends and I went to his place after a bbq to drink and hangout. To summon it up,later in the night, I left to go get smokes and what not down at the 711 and when I got back..one of my friends was sitting on the bed with him and she kinda shot up once I had entered.
I went outside and she followed me, stating that my boy tried kissing her. At that moment I left in a drunken rage, passed out somewhere for a bit, and came back to his place to see him passed out with beer all over his bed. I finally got him to wake up and we talked the rest of the night/morning. He admitted he has a past with cheating and couldn't believe he already fucked up with me. He cried a lot, explained some. I told him in the end he has to prove himself to me, to show I can trust him. I'm giving him a second chance because I've done wrong in the past too when I was drunk, and I never got a second chance. Him having a history is what puts me off, but supposedly "I'm the one who he wants to change for".
After all that, a week or so later he introduced me to a bunch of his friends, including a lot of his family, which meant a lot, seeing how he's actually a very family orientated guy. He also cut back on the drinking for me, like he said he would, since he knows alcohol just doesn't mix well with him, at least too much.
And now, he's out with his family again for 6 days, he took the time off since his mother is visiting from out of state for two weeks. I haven't really heard from him the last two days, and the last day we spoke he was a bit short with me to an extent, he didn't even get back to the last two texts I had sent him.
There's a lot more to be said, but I've already said a lot, I think this guy has a good heart really, or maybe I'm a fool. My mind is spinning, I'm just so tired of head games and heart ache. I need some advice, please.
-Jess
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Okay, to start with, i thought i would let you know that around 1 in 200 girls can actually change a guy. You know what they say... "Once a liar, always a liar. Once a cheater, always a cheater." Right? Well to be honest, I know how you feel. I've tried to change a guy before, thinking I could turn his life around. It didn't work for me, but hey, it might for you. I know that nothing I tell you will probably want to stop you from doing what you are doing, so i won't say anything. This guy really does seem like he is truly sorry, but of course I can't know for sure. I think it was good of you to forgive him once, but once should be your limit. If he ever cheats on you again, drunk or sober, you should seriously end this relationship. It is unhealthy to keep going on like this. But remember that you should always let him know that you believe that he can change,(most guys would rather hear "i believe in you" or "im proud of you" than "i love you"). And part of his stopping cheating includes stopping drinking. People tend to do things when they are drunk that they would never, ever do when they are not drunk. So help him with this, always encouraging him. I thought I might also add that giving yourself to him physically will lead to an emotional wreck. Or worse. So be careful with that, cause 90% of girls who had sex before marriage regret it. And 1 out of 4 will get an STD. Remember when you are having sex with him,yo are also having sex with all the girls he has had sex with, and that increases the chances of an STD. Imagine the embarrassment of telling your future husband you have an STD! This decreases your chances of marriage! Also be careful with pregnancy. Life is too short to be anything but happy.
-Millie :)
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Bullshit.
Cheaters don't change for the one awesome person who makes them see the light. They change because they come to a moment in their life where they want to change. Cheaters can change, but they do it for themselves, to get the life they really want, not because they meet the right person.
If he is still getting this drunk and screwing up a week's old relationship it's very unlikely he's reached that moment yet.
You aren't a fool and he probably does have a good heart, but it's a bit unlikely that he is going to behave in accordance with that good heart. Not impossible, but not likely.
Relationships are always about risk. The thing you need to ask yourself is if this risk, the risk of it more likely going badly than well, it one you are prepared to take.
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In my experience once a cheater always a cheater. If he really does care for you and wants to make it work he will put forth an effort to show you, which it sounds like he has. But if he truly does have a problem with cheating he will do it again. Not to say he doesn't care for you, want to be with you, or that it will have anything to do with you at all but he will still do it. Since the relationship is new you can give him a chance, but if there are any further issues I would move on. Hope this helps.
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