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How to not be lonely
I'm a 21 year old male, and people don't seem to like me. I have some friends who if I really bother will do things with me, but I am still really insecure about whether or not they really want to be around me.
This is mostly about dating however, I'm having trouble meeting people. I tried online dating, but I find most people on there to be incredibly broken in some way, no offense but I'm not interested in a drug addict or someone who is my age with 3 children.
I have really worked to get in good shape, and have lost over 50 pounds and think I'm in good shape now. I'm in the last year of schooling for a great job in the medical profession. I'm responsible, have my own place which I pay for, and have a good relationship with my family. On paper I sound pretty good if you ask me, but I don't think people ever give me a real chance to get to know me, those who do know me well like me but its hard to get past that first 'hello' for me with someone I'm actually interested in.
Anyway my main question is how do I meet people who are single, and are in a situation where they are dateable?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I don't totally agree with everything the others have said but there is good advice in each of there responses.
I believe there are two types of women today. Those that still like the dominant male; the one who says we are go here and doing this. Then there are those women who like the more considerate male who ask what is it they would like. This is the male who is considerate of their pleasure. If I were a women I think I would want to look for the second male as I don't think many of women care to take orders or be dominated.
Their are a number of ways to meet people. At 21 you are still young, young enough to go places and do things you enjoy. This is the key to meeting and conversing with other people; having something in common to talk about.
You say you are in the last year of schooling. I'm sure that takes up quite a bit of your time. Hopefully you do have some free time that you can enjoy some recreational activities you enjoy. Make a list of those things you like to do. Be they camping, hiking, photography, painting whatever it is you enjoy.
Once you have your list number that list from 1 to whatever in order of enjoyment. Then look for clubs or social outings, ones that might caterer to singles and join in. Now you have something in common with the others something in which to start a conversation. Once you have a conversation going a friendship can grow.
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There are two things going on here, neither of them particularly attractive to women.
1. You have no confidence when the thing women find sexiest is confidence.
2. You sound desperate and women hate needy guys.
The reason for that is women want guys to be daddy. Now you have the earning power with your job, but they don't sense any kind of leadership from you. So you have to relax and look at things as if, "they have to win my approval and not the other way around." Women want to work to win a guy's praise. That is why you don't compliment them right off the bat because attractive women have already heard the usual crap a million times. Find an interesting or roundabout way to say things. And when you ask them out, don't beg for it, just flat out say, "hey, you seem like the kind of person I would like to get to know, so let's go do....on...."
Even if she says no to the invitation, you will still have sounded like a man and not some needy weenie.
You never ask a woman where she wants to go or what to eat, you tell her where you're going or what you're going to eat (in a general category of cuisine kind of way). You keep her on a short leash (if she makes a scene in public she gets the boot, for example). You see what I'm saying?
I'm not saying be a jerk to women, but on the other hand, I'm saying have a jerky underlying attitude toward women. Don't be controlling because control freaks reek of insecurity. Just expect her to act like a reasonable adult. That hardheadedness, belief in self (without being a blowhard about it) and not going to put up with anybody's bullshit is much more attractive than what you are now.
You're an achiever, dude. Act like it.
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It's not you, it's the world. I am the same way. I am a male, im not a bad looking guy, however i am very responsible, have a job, goes to school. I have traditional values, which not many people do these days. And sometimes I wonder why i am not noticed or appreciated. It seems that people favour the trashy ones who drink and party all the time. Its not fair, i know. But it's not your fault. Society sometimes accepts the wrong kinds of people. The woman of your dreams will come to you. You seem like a person who is very misunderstood, so don't worry about people not liking you. They're not worth it. Eventually, someone will come to you and truly appreciate you, You just have to hope and stay true to yourself. You seem like a really good person, and I beg you, please stay that way no matter what. Don't change just to impress people.
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You seem to be a very nice man... you are working, educated, smart, you have standards which is good, you arent going to just settle for just any one, and you are responsible, but you seem to be a little shy... dont let your insecurities get in the way, every one is insecure about something. but really its all just in their head... like for me if you ask me what I hate about myself I would say that I have huge eyes and its ugly... but I always get compliments on my eyes and people say they are pretty and hypnotizing (not sure of spelling there) but I hate them... a good friend of mine thinks she has a fat belly but she is major skinny... sometimes we just let things get to us.... try to be a little more outgoing... girls love that.... I cant say just what every girl wants but I will tell you things I like about a guy and maybe you can try it out with someone....
I love when guys compliment me a lot and flirt with me... kind of like (even though I know its not true) I am the prettiest person they have ever seen... I love when guys talk to me about theirself and when in a deep conversation they brush their hand on mine or put their hand on mine... also it makes me melt when my hair is in my eyes and a guy slowly brushes it to the side and either looks in my eyes or says some cheesy little line about covering my pretty face (I can be very insecure about my looks so I like when people make me feel pretty) when you talk to a girl look her in the eyes this drives me crazy (in a good way) ... also once you start dating a girl and you go for that first kiss put your hand on her face or curl your fingers around her chin and slowly pull her in (makes her heart pound) be romantic and do cutesy things... like probably the sweetest thing a guy ever did was dance with me when we went out for dinner... it was so funny and cute and a little nerve racking because we were eating at a place with no music and it wasnt a place where you would normally see people dnacing and he was just so cute and wanted to dance... people were watching us but we were so caught up in the moment we didnt even notice until we had stopped and went to walk out and they just looked and smiled like they were in awe :) dont try to buy her love... I mean you can get a gift every once in a while but not all the time for me it just gets annoying instead if you really want to get her a gift make her something, write her a letter, or instead of buying roses pick flowers (my ex once picked me a bunch of dandilions , and yes we knew they were weeds not really flowers but he picked me a little handful and then he came to my door with them and said "I saw these and thought about you." so I sarcasticlly say oh nice weeds remind you of me... and he said "yes, they can be stubborn, and all over the place, and sometimes people are too busy working with other things like their gardens to take time to stop and see how beautiful dandilions are and how lucky we are to even have the luxery of looking at them" I know it was so corny but it was so cute... a lot of guys think it is hard to make a girl like them but really if do little things to impress us, be sweet, compliment us, and do corny little things like that you will have the girl totally crazy for you in no time :) good luck hope I helped
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