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dream to be a wife and mother... at 20?!
Is 20 too young to move in with someone? I am about to get my bachelor's in a few months, I have a job with which I can support myself,and with a year or two more of experience there it will easily become a career. I live on my own, and I've been best friends with the guy for a year and a half. He is 25, is financially stable, has money saved up for a future family, he is responsible, lives on his own as well.
We haven't really talked about it much, but is it weird for me to want to settle down so young? There's no job I want more than to be a mother and wife. I would love to be a stay at home mom, and then work part time once the kids start school. Obviously, if my husband can't support the family while the kids are still too young to start school, I can work as well too, but the first alternative would obviously be the ideal because I'm not too keen on daycares.
Is it strange that I thought this all through? I don't want to rush into things, I want to start with moving in together first for a year or two, and seeing how that goes. Then getting engaged and married and all that (I don't really believe in long engagements, if I am going to agree to marry someone I would be ready to marry him that very second). I'm not a big fan of weddings either.
This man and I have survived through a ton, more than most relationships go through in such a short amount of time. Where most relationships fall apart, we stayed strong (but of course we had many fight and disagreements along the way, it hasn't been perfect, the important thing we resolved them and moved on).
Is this weird? Should I tell my man that my dream is to be a wife and mother? Right now he's working hard to save up money for the kids he plans to have, so I feel that its something he may appreciate hearing, but I don't want to freak him out by telling him I want this now (I want it in 3-5 years). And I know he doesn't want that right now either, he doesn't feel financially ready.
Any personal stories on how you took your relationship to the next level? I feel like the man should be the one who decides when that will happen, but will hinting ruin things? I don't want him to feel like I'm pressuring him, because I know that with him that's the worst way to go about things.
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Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
So, are you a committed relationship with this man?
You are right on all counts: 20 is very young. Statically speaking, you are still at a heightened risk of divorce, martial violence and poverty is you get married in the immediate future. Co-habitation at 20 is more likely than not - based on the numbers - to fail.
Having said that, you are both doing all the right things. You are both independent and responsible. Sensible and driven.
But you called him a friend… You say your relationship has endured, but I’m worried you mean your friendship. You never say boyfriend. Your question is a little weird like that.
And if it isn’t solid and long-term, then you are rushing things, and using your very bright, sensible mind to justify wishing for a family with this man, when you should really be working on establishing a long-term, romantic relationship with him first.
Date for a year - firmly and consistently - then talk about co-habitation. Being a friend and being a boyfriend is not the same thing, and you cannot grandfather your years as friends and say ‘Oh that counts…’ It doesn’t. It’s not the same.
There is nothing wrong with having goals, but your 'goals' are evolving into a fantasy life you are building around this man. That is never wise.
Having said all that, if you are IN a relationship with this guy, then you should tell him what your goals are! People who are together for a long time in committed relationships need to be able to share their goals and dreams. That’s part of truly knowing one another. After a year and half, he should know what sort of life you are hoping for in the future, and you need to know his goals and hopes too.
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You seem to have everything thought out and planned and that is very good... its wonderful that you have a plan, being 20 and settling down isnt bad if you are ready, I was even younger when I got married and had my children... its okay to tell him what you want for your future let him know that you dont plan on rushing into it but you do want it... its very important to make sure you both want kids and marriage in the future... good luck on everything I wish you the best in your future... I hope you have many happy years :)
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Is it weird to have life goals? No, a life plan or direction is something everyone should have but most people don't. Which is why so many people fail at what they are trying to accomplish.
There is an old saying about planning; "There are people who fail to plan and people who plan to fail. Planning to fail accomplish nothing. Not having a plan means your left to run around like your head has been cut off. Having a plan and working that plan generally leads to some form of success. Yes, some plans do fail in spite of everything you do; for reasons unforeseen such as the current economic situation. A plan is a road map to your goal. You can take detours, try different highways; just as long as you keep your eyes on your goal. You can even reset you goal once you obtain it if you wish to try for a higher goal.
From what you have written; your boyfriend has in one manner or another told you of his life plans. If you have not told him of your life plans maybe you should. He may just be waiting to hear if your plans and his mesh in any way.
You may want to start the conversation one romantic evening by saying something like: You know BF in one way or another I know what your life desires, plans and goals are. I have never really told you of mine; would like to hear my life desires and goals are? If he says yes then you can tell him. If he says no, then maybe he is not the person you want to continue with to get to your goals.
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Sounds like you have a great head on you shoulders. You seem very intelligent and full of life with excellent dreams and goals. As a married mother of three young boys and a stay at home mother I encourage you to WAIT WAIT WAIT on marriage and children. You are only 20 you have yet to experience life. You are finally getting in the position as you stated to have a good job, your degree, and freedoms of an adult. Don't give up your freedoms quite yet. Travel, go out with friends, try out new activites or things you always thought about doing. You have plenty of time to settle down but once you have your family there is no turning back. Your focus will be solely on the children and while that sounds great in reality you will be so exhausted it will be hard some days to even fathum why you had children to begin with. Trust me, there is no sleep, no time for even a shower. Don't get me wrong it can be wonderful but now is not the time. You are young PLEASE enjoy your youth. I don't see anything wrong with youi moving in with your friend, sounds like a good guy but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE use birth control EVERYTIME. I am 31 years old with a 1, 2, and 4 year old boys I am sOOOOO tired. I love my boys to death and wouldn't change it for the world but life is hard, physically, emotionally, and FINANCIALLY.
Quite honestly YOU are a GREAT catch. You seem intelligent you are young, getting your degree, you have a job , your own place, and no children. Anyone would be lucky to have you, so don't sell yourself short. Weigh all your options and don't jump into anything permemnant. But I can tell you're bright enough to figure this all out as you enjoy life. Good luck and have fun!
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