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Advice on Suicide
I'm not interested in advice on why not to do it. I'm disabled, out of money, no chance to work, and a family to support. I have two life insurance policies that pay off at this point for suicide.
I tried getting metal health support in Chicago, but because of budget cuts I'm not able. An example is a place called C4. I called and they said because I have Medicare they can't take me. Why? They don't have the staff that is qualified, as they've been laid off. I tried several C4 locations and got transferred to the same person in the end. I even called one of the mental health people directly who told me she couldn't help me.
I called the Mayor's office. While they gave me leads on finding work and mental health NONE panned out. The ticket to work people say I'm over educated or qualified for their help. The mental health people say they don't have the resources.
I know the pain my family will feel, but the pain of not having a roof over their head or food will be worse in the long run. I'm not that special.
I'm in peace with my decision and my belief in the here after. Yeah, I know what mainstream churches say, but I disagree. God is a God of Love. no sin is unforgivable, except one and that's not suicide.
So, I'm posting asking for methods that are quick and painless (to me). I'm not for gun or bridge jumping. I want something private and not messy.
I'm thinking of pills, booze, and maybe a bag. I have lots of pain from my disability and have numerous schedule 2 drugs. I guess for a good answer the type is necessary. Methadone and Oxycodon.
I've been getting off of them slowly for two reason. First, so when I do the deed I don't resist them as much. Second, to have a good supply of them.
My thoughts are to grind them up into a powered and then mix it with water. This way I don't have to wait for them to dissolve or risk throwing them up.
I'm also considering mixing them with booze instead of water. My first choice is, though, to mix with water and drink the booze separately.
As for the bag, I'm considering two of them. One is a body bag to make it cleaner for everyone and second a trash bag for my head.
I'm considering the trash bag as it is big enough to give me time to actually pass out before running out of air. Hopefully, I'll be out enough not to fight for breath well enough to live.
Then I'll simply fall to that long sleep till God calls everyone to the Day of Judgment. If God doesn't exist the life has zip, zero meaning. If God is a God of Hate then I'll have to learn to hate.
If he is a God of Love, I'll only be able to stand for correction and simply say .. No one hath greater that he gives his life for another. In my case, I was giving my life so others might live awhile longer till the world of man gives them a better chance to find work or make other money.
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So, please give me your thoughts on clean, painless ways to die.
Oh, yeah, if you're in Chicago and need a computer expert with 30 years of operating systems and networking software development, team leadership, etc. OR you're in Chicago and know of mental health that is really available even if you have Medicare, ... Yeah, I'll listen to you, too.
If all you want to say is don't do it or try to scare me ... don't waste your time.
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From what you have written you have a plan to commit suicide. This means you are actively suicidal an a threat to yourself or others. Budget deficits or not you need help and help will be made available to you.
Pick up the phone and dial 911 NOW. Tell the call taker what you have written to us. The Police and Fire Rescue services will be sent to take care of you. The reason for the Police is to insure your safety, please don't fight then or be concerned that they are their. They are being sent to help not harm you.
You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255),they have crisis centers Nationwide that can help you.
The problem with getting government help is one of believability. They turn down most request from individuals. By calling 911 or the Suicide prevention hotline you will be helped by professionals who can get you the assistance you need.
Suicide is not the answer; help is the answer and it is available. Call 911 now.
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You are special. I know it's hard to believe, but you are! And your life is worth much more than money. I understand that you are suffering and your family is suffering, and you feel like suicide will solve a lot of problems for all of you. I wont lie; it will probably solve some of the problems. But what kind of problems will it create for the people left behind? You are basically saying to them, "I committed suicide for you." And that sounds nice on the surface, but it's the same as saying, "I committed suicide because of you." And they will live with that for the rest of their lives.
It's hard to hear and I know your situation is desperate, but you need to acknowledge the negatives of your death in more detail than just, "It will hurt my family." Your family will blame themselves forever. Every time they spend that life insurance money, they will think of you and believe that your suicide was their fault. You believe that your life can be measured in life insurance money, but have you consulted your family about it? I think they would have a very different idea of your worth.
And although I don't live in Chicago, most cities have at least one good resource for families who can't afford food and housing. So long as your family is honest and willing to fight to move up in life, there is someone in Chicago willing to help you even if you haven't found them yet. Churches are an especially important resource. Even if no one at a church can help, they will probably know someone who can.
That said, your city's mental health system is failing you. It's unfortunately common. But if you walk into an emergency room and tell them how suicidal you are, you will get help. It doesn't matter who you are or what insurance you have; they will help you. Although I'm sure you know that will cost money, and that is one big reason why you haven't tried it yet. Still, do not just dismiss it! Human life is worth far more than money, always. That includes your life.
I want to point you to a few more free resources that might help you out. This is the International Suicide Prevention Wiki:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
It is a collection of various resources (hotlines, ebooks, online forums, etc.) all intended to help people suffering suicidal thoughts. Maybe something there can help you where your city has failed. I want to especially recommend IMAlive.org. It's an online crisis 'hotline' that works via instant messaging. All the staff are trained to help with problems like yours, and the service is completely free.
Also, please read this ebook:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I've read it while suicidal, and I found it very useful and realistic. It's not full of scare tactics and 'think positive' nonsense. It's very blunt and very honest about both the positives and negatives of suicide.
I hope you change your mind, and I wish you and your family the best of luck in getting out of the difficult place you're in. There are people out there who care about you and your family. They wont let any of you waste away on the streets. You are valuable, you are needed, and all the money in the world can't replace the hole you would leave in your family's hearts.
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First I want to say that although I am a Christian, I am not goting to preach to you, because that is obviously not what you need. But even if you believe I am wasting my time or not, I am going to tell you not to do this. I can see that you are having a hard time. But there is always options and suicide is not one of them. You have a family who loves you and needs you there for them.
Just think of what you would do to them. In reality your choice of suicide is totally selfish! If someone in my family would kill themself for me, I would beat myself up for it everyday. What you are doing is basically saying "I have to kill myself so you can have what ever it is you want or need" and that will haunt them and torture them until they get so angry and so hurt and so upset with you but also and even more themselves that they may themselves commit suicide because they can not deal with the pain that you caused them by killing yourself. Do you really want that? I think that you need to go and get yourself some help. And I am not trying to be mean or hateful in anyway here. You do not have to do this. Imagine all the pain you will cause. Your suicide will not fix things, it will only make it worse. My advice to you is stop thining about suicide and go to the hospital tell them your thoughts and get help asap. Then ask as many people as you can what it is you can do, who you can contact to get you and your family what you need. Good luck and dont do this! Life will get better, just have faith.
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