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Irrational mother: If I do anything other than study or clean the house, she yells at me!
Hi, I'm a 15 year old guy and have had some family issues over the past year which have caused massive tension within my family. As a result of this, my mother has sort of lost it and it angry at me all the time. I am a straight A studet at school, and have practically no free time because I do so many other activities that she has urged me to do. However, whenever I do something other than study or clean she yells at me. Our house is always extremely messy and she has made everything my job. I have to do hours worth of dishes (we have no dishwasher), clean the bathroom which is filthy within days of cleaning it, and feed all the pets. If I don't do this because I have no free time, she yells at me and prevents me from seeing my friends or girlfriend. I feel like I never have any time to relax or be with my friends, and Mum has unrealistic expectations of me. The family arguing has gotten to the point where the only thing I look forward to in life is moving out in a few years. What do I do?
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I have the same problem because your parents know you are a teen and they don't want you thinking you can go wild now and they are saying they are the adults in the house and you will do as they say thats what that mean but just think 18 you are free thats what gets me through it
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Keep looking forward to moving out in a few years and drop some of your 'other activities' that she urged you into.
You have too many commitments.
Doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom and feeding the pets are not exceptional 'life-maintenance’ requirements. Honestly, I'm twenty-six and those are pretty much the three things I must do (plus laundry) in order to survive from week to week. When life gets crazy, I can drop pretty much everything else, but those sorts of things MUST happen. I had seven other kids in my home growing up, and those chores were actually more or less the ones I had (plus walking the dog and weekly vacuuming) - I know they are tiring and time consuming, and harder when there are more people around, but I also know now as a young adult, that they take about the same amount of time even when you live alone.
If you are struggling to find time for those basic chores - then you have over-scheduled your life. You need to cut back on some things in order to survive. Some chores just need to happen. The ones you’ve listed are pretty much non-optional, whether you live alone or with others.
Now, I’m not saying your mother is right - she is clearly not behaving very well at all. However, you also have to face the simple fact that you are trying to do too much. You’ve taken on more than you can bear, especially given the added stress and pressure at home.
Your mother might have very unrealistic expectations -- but I’m betting you have some unrealistic expectations of yourself as well. Drop a class you don’t need. Tell a club that you love ‘em but you’ve got too much. Tell a sport team you had a fantastic time but you’ve got to focus on yourself for a while.
Something DOES have to give, but it’s probably not going to be your mother or your chores, so you’ll have to drop something else. Better she yell at you once for dropping something she urged you to do, then yell at you every day because there are simply not enough hours in the day for every obligation you have.
If the chores are becoming a sticking point, talk your mother about establishing some guidelines so you both know when things will happen. It doesn’t have to be a strict schedule, but writing the expectations down will help you if she starts to yell. You can point to the expectations and say “Look, I’m doing what we agreed on. We can change the agreement if we need too, but I did what I said I would.” Of course for this to work, you do need to do what you say you will.
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There isn't much you can do in a situtation like this. Mom's I have come to learn all have their own ideas on Parenting. Some how I think they think by treating you like a slave, it will make you more involved with "the family" instead of your girlfriend ( who she probably doesn't like) and your friends. Which is true because it feels like all you ever do is what your mom wants. I have had this situtation happen to someone I love and there is absolutely NOTHING you can do. I know that sucks, and I know you are looking for answers here but all I can really offer is support. I think, just off the wall opinion here, but your mother loves you ( yeah that seems crazy considering she is making your life miserable), and that she is ... scared... of losing you in the future, say when you turn 18. Someone all this pressure to be perfect will make you WANT to stay home.
What these mom's don't understand is that it is doing quite the opposite. Not only is it turning you against your own family, it is making you feel like you are never good enough for them. I know you can deny it but I have seen what that kind of pressure does to someone and it is heartbreaking. It is/ and will continue to try and destroy your relationship with your girlfriend and friends. The key though is to make plans, talk about the future when you get out of there. Do you best to keep your relationships strong, and it can't hurt to apologize on your moms behalf.
Always watch what you say because your mom can make things bad if you " disrespect or backtalk" her. Know that you only have a few years left and while that seems like an eternity... you'll make it.
CD
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