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Help! Boyfriend treats me like crap!
okay im 24 with 4 kids and i have a boyfriend who treats me like crap. he doesnt help me with the kids he stays out all night and im up crying waiting for him to come home the most hes been gone for is 7 days he didnt call or check up.to make things worse is were currently staying in a 1 bedroom motel suite.He come and goes calls me names and stresses me out.He spends my money all the time he even spent my cristmas money i had saved up for my kids.im tired i want better for me and my kids he rather be at the casino then to be with us.I want to leave him so baddd but i cant cus i have no where to go.I have family but there not there for me im a good mother and want to be happy,i deserve it. he didnt even tell me happy mothers day nothing.he has no respect for me at all.im always with my kids an he running the streets.Help
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I would look into moving to the next county closest to you. Apply for food stamps, welfare, section 8 and try to find a new job there. After you have a new place established, pack up your kids and when he's gone for the night, leave. Don't tell anyone where you're at for a few months, till you've had a chance to settle down. Try to save up some money during that time, hire an attorney and file for child support from this deadbeat. Once you've been able to stand on your own for a while, I believe your family will be a little more willing to help out. Things won't happen quickly, so you'll have to have a little patience. I hope things work out for you and good luck.
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I'm not going to be quite as harsh as Matt but I do agree with him in what his basic thoughts are. You are in control of your life. You brought 4 children into this world. You need to take responsibility for those children. They did not ask to come into this world you brought them into this world. There are and where way to prevent pregnancy you chose to ignore them.
There is help for women with children through social service to force the fathers of the children to be responsible for the children You too have to take your share of the responsibility as well. It starts with making out the proper reports. If he steal from you file a police report. If he hits you file a police report. If he abuses the children in any way file a police report.
Contact social services, ask them for help in obtaining the proper legal paperwork so that you have legal custodial custody of the children. From what you have written you do not have legal custody and he could take the children and leave the country with them if he pleased. You also need legal agreements outlining his legal responsibilities to the children.
These are the adult actions you need to take to protect your children. Maybe when you start acting like an adult, which also begins with walking away from you BF, your parents will start treating you like an adult.
There is one other thing you can think about. I don't know if your parent or his are able to do this though you can ask. If one or the other will take temporary custodial custody of the children while you get your act together. By this I mean if you need to get a GED then you need the time to get it. If you need time to complete College then do so. You need a good education to support four children. Trying to do so and raise and care for 4 children may be impossible. By asking either yours or his parents to take temporary custodial custody will give you the opportunity to get the education you need.
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I can't say I completely disagree with Matt...
The boyfriend NEEDS to go, You are a young mother with four children you do not need five.
Assuming you are employed by the statement you made about staying in a motel. I highly recommend seeking section 8 housing somewhere in your area or applying for low income housing. It is a terrible situation for you and your children to be sitting in a 1 bedroom motel. If you need help, Seek help. There are many places that offer assistance but I'm going to honestly say this, Do not 100% depend on welfare to raise your children. You bought them into this world, You need to take some responsibility. If you want too be a good mother and role model then YOU are going to be the one to make that happen. It is not a good mother to bring children into this world if you could not afford them nor take proper care of them.
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I am going to be harsh, and it's possible I'll regret this in a few hours but so be it.
You are not a good mother. You started off by bringing not one, not two, not three, but four children into this world when you're clearly in a terrible situation. I realize that that's an oversimplification of the situation, but I doubt you were living the good life when you became pregnant with baby number four. The more children you have, the more resources you'd better have ready to put into them so that they can live happy, healthy lives. You appeared to have made a misstep somewhere back, but that's okay because there's nothing you can do about it now. It's in the past.
But even barring past mistakes and leaving those to history, a quick summary of your question STILL debunks your "I'm a good mother" statement. You're with a man that continually robs you of the money you rightfully want to put into your kids. He blows it gambling, doesn't support your family at all, and leaves for days at a time. However, your rational for not leaving is that your family isn't there for you. Don't you think this could be due to your outright unwillingness to really entertain the thought of leaving this man? You say you deserve to be happy. You don't. Your kids deserve to be happy, not you. You forfeited your happiness when you became pregnant with your first child. What's best for your kids is to leave this man no matter what. Go to your family. Go to your friends. File a police report. Something. Sitting around fuming over him not wishing you a happy Mother's Day will do nothing when your children are being absolutely robbed of their own happiness. You are an accessory to this crime.
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