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Good News? I've Found Someone. Bad news?...
...he's nine years older than me and lives 400 miles away.
I've known this man for approximately a year and two months; and for a year and two months, I've had the hugest mothereffin' crush on him. I'm talking full-on I-wish-we-could-just-make-out-already kind of stuff. When we met, I was in a very serious relationship which just recently ended due to some issues I'd rather not discuss, so I'm single and free as a bird.
I find him attractive in every facet, sweet as cherry pie, but still sarcastic and loud enough to keep me interested. He's already admitted he has a 'thing' for me, to the point where I'm pretty sure we could date...if he lived anywhere near me.
And also, the main issue at hand? ...I'm a minor. I'm not talking twelve; I'm a senior in high school, about to move out into the adult world. But still. At the moment, nothing between us could happen, because I know both my parents, family, and friends would not be as accepting. Plus, again, I rarely see him in person at ALL.
I really pray he'll never check this site. Because if so, my secret's out.
But...yeah. How to approach? Do I keep in contact, or should I wait around until the right time? Should I be okay with light flirting, or should I try to engage him in actual conversation about it?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Putting aside the possible legal jeopardy he could face even if you are 17, a 26 year old guy dating a 17 year old just will not work due to generational differences. When I was 26, I went out with a 19 year old and even at that smaller age disparity there were huge issues with her maturity and our frames of reference. I ultimately broke up with her for that reason and a few others.
Now part of the thing psychologically for you is that you feel validated as a woman by having an older guy interested in you. Plus he has money and can actually do more stuff other than the usual teenage limited panoply of options. So that makes being with him more exciting.
Alas, your crush is almost certainly going to come to naught. He is already a fully developed human being while your brain will keep developing until age 25, meaning that your sensibilities are going to change a lot over the coming years to the point where you will probably want a different sort of guy than him.
So you need to give any thoughts of a relationship with the guy a miss because it just won't end well.
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Definitely talk to him about it. Communication is the key in relationships. Without communicating, you both won't understand each other clearly and things will get more complicated. See how he feels about you 2 dating, how serious he is about this etc. Then if I were you, I would not get involved right now. You're still a minor and if you keep this up, it can turn into a big disaster and drama. Once you're 18 though, you can pretty much do what you want legally. Oh and I wouldn't lead him on though. Like since you can't really do anything about this right now, I would tone down the flirting, just so you don't lead him on and he might feel used and hurt. Just be careful...
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You shouldn't pursue the relationship any further than an ongoing flirtation for now. So you're almost 18, right? Once you are 18 you can pursue this relationship in any way you see fit. As for now though? Leave it as it is.
Is this physical attraction enough to attempt making a long distance relationship work? Personally I believe long distance relationships can work, assuming the two partners are already in a comitted relationship. I don't so much understand starting a relationship when distance is already an issue though.
Really the only advice I have is to just wait and see what happens. 9 years is a pretty big age gap, but when two mature adults are involved, I personally don't see an issue. It's up to you to decide what you want to do after your birthday :)
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