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I completely lost the ability to make friends.
I just finished my freshman year of college and I have literally made zero friends. In some classes, I met people that I can chat with, but nobody that I'm friendly enough with to hang out with or that will ask me to hang out.
In junior high and high school, I had plenty of friends. I've always been an awkward kid, but sitting next to the same person in a class for a year eventually led to talking and perhaps even making friends. In college, however, classes are huge; every day I sit next to someone new and have NO IDEA how to strike up a conversation. Or how to continue a conversation, for that matter. I don't know what the hell's wrong with me; I've tried striking up conversation before (about the teacher or homework or test in a class), but once they answer my question or ask another, I don't know how to continue the conversation. My brain shuts down and I end up giving a one-word answer and killing the discussion. And it sucks; I know I'm a shy person, but I'm so wild an insane (and even funny) once I'm comfortable with another person - I just don't know how to get to that point.
How do I make friends in college? How can I make friends in a big lecture class? I've tried joining clubs, but surprise surprise, the ones I joined never even met. :\
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I really hate to bring this up, but I think you made the wrong college choice, in my personal opinion.
My personality is exactly like yours. I'm really shy to strangers, but i'm crazy and fun around my close friends :) Its kind of hard for me to make friends, but the one's i'm friends with, well they stick around for a long time.
I'm going to be a freshman in college this coming fall and when I visited colleges, I saw a really big college that I was interested in, then I toured a smaller college that I was semi-interested in. I was almost positive that I would go to the bigger school because it was in my hometown and it is one of the best colleges in the nation. But then I realized.. well since its a really big school, there will be many people there. I realized that I'm more myself when i'm around a smaller crowd. If you put me on a stage in front of 1000 people, I will literally stand there in shock. But if you put me in a crowd of 15-20 people, I'm myself. I can socialize better and thats when I realized a smaller college would be perfect for me. Maybe it isn't going to be the best college.. but I would for sure make a ton of friends (friends worth keeping) than at a larger college. Yeah I know education comes first but what's the point in living if you can't share memories with the people closest to you?? I would much rather be with close friends and have fun and make great memories, than to be alone in a huge college and not get many experiences/memories out of it.
So I really hate to break it to you, but maybe you should have chosen a smaller college with a smaller lecture class, that way the people you see will always remain there and you can have a close relationship to them. Maybe its pointless now, but you can always try transferring to a smaller college. If you cant, then just try to be more friendly, and if you see someone more than once, always say Hi and their name. Ask them how their day is and maybe if they want to grab something to eat and chill. Get their numbers too and text or call them to meet up with them. Try getting to be friends with someone part of a group, that way you become friends with them and plus their group which you could be a part of.
good luck!
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I've also just finished my first year of university and have been in a very similar situation to you. The trouble with starting university is that you have to start from scratch and build up completely new friendships. Your friends at school were people that you spent years getting to know and developing a friendship with whereas the people you meet at university are brand new. It's unrealistic to expect to jump right into a fully formed friendship circle as it takes time to create a bond with someone.
I spent much of my first year feeling really lonely and depressed, I even considered quitting because I had so few friends at university. It's very hard when it seems like everyone else has a million friends and have formed groups already. As soon as I decided I would stay, I knew I had to make a BIG effort if I was going to be happy. I immediately signed up as a 'welcome week' volunteer and actually got a position as a team leader, so in September I'll be leading a team of around 15 volunteers in helping new students move in and get settled. It's a perfect opportunity to make friends as it forces me to talk to new people and if I'm going to be a team leader, I can't afford to be shy.
Activities like this are a brilliant way of meeting people and socialising. More than anything, they give you something to do so you don't feel like you're sitting in your room by yourself all the time. Find out if your college has a volunteering program or if there's one in the local area, the chances are that there will be something available. Force yourself to get involved and be proactive. Even if doing some voluntary work only serves to boost your confidence and improve your communication then it's a good idea. You could also try and get involved with any charity events in and around the college. Here in the UK, most universities hold an annual RAG (raise and give) week, where volunteers raise huge amounts of money for charity. I didn't do it this year but the people I spoke to about it had an amazing time and made loads of friends. If there is anything similar where you are, definitely try and get involved with that.
You mentioned that you've tried joining clubs. Try again! Find out which are the most active and social clubs and keep an eye out for any flyers or posters around campus. At my university alot of the clubs hold regular socials and events, which are perfect opportunities to meet people. If nothing sparks your interest, then why not start your own? This is another thing I'm doing next year. It's scary but it will give you a massive confidence boost and you're bound to meet people.
I know that trying to make friends in classes is hard. I've found that sometimes, you just have to take a deep breath and force yourself to talk. As a shy person myself, I know it's alot easier said than done but you CAN do it. Try and sit with someone that looks like you might have something in common with them (clothing, make up, piercings/tattoos, band t-shirt, book/magazine etc) and comment on something about them - 'Are you enjoying that book? I loved it..' 'I like your shirt, where did you get it?' 'I love that band! Have you heard their last album?' It makes it easier if you can strike up a conversation about a mutual interest. If the person is friendly and you're getting on well, why not suggest you go for coffee after class? A casual 'hey, what are you doing after this? Do you wanna grab a coffee?' will do. If they decline your offer, don't take it personally and don't let it knock your confidence. The more people you speak to, the more people you will know and the easier it will be. Another good idea is to suggest you study together: 'Do you want to meet up and work on this assignment sometime?'
It's scary and you will find it hard at first but it WILL get easier and you WILL start to make friends. You aren't going to meet people if you sit back and don't talk to anyone. You need to be proactive and do a little work. Go back to university next year with a positive attitude and give yourself as many opportunities as possible to talk to new people.
If you'd like to talk about this further with someone who understands how difficult this situation can be then I'd be happy to help. I'd also love to hear how you get on!
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