|
Confusion about boyfriends ideas...
Hey :)
okay. I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for 2 months now. We are very close but i am still a virgin as i don't want to rush things. He has admitted to me that he wants to go further but is very caring and patient :) recently we got into a conversation about what would happen if i ever got pregnant,and when i asked him if he would stand by me, i was shocked at how hesitant he was to reply. He came out with things like, 'i'd probably jump off a cliff' and 'i don't know'.
I think it's an honourable thing for a man to stick by his baby's mama and even though i'm not planning on losing my virginity or getting pregnant any time soon, it still bums me out to hear him say that :( should i let it pass as a joke or doubt his character?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I'm 26 and married and I still get nervous and twitchy when my wife brings up kids. "Standing by your baby mama" isn't something most guys want to contemplate when there are other options and we are in a two month relationship being asked that question by a virgin.
You feel you're in a position to doubt his character because you're a virgin teenager who has absolutely no real idea what child-rearing, pregnancy, etc are like. It's harder for him because unlike you he's actually got a level head when it comes to being a teenage parent (it scares the shit out of him)
Two months in that's a loaded question to ask someone. You apparently haven't even got the beginnings of a clue how loaded it really is. Children generally last a lifetime, there's absolutely nothing abnormal about anyone being ambivalent about their own reaction to a surprise pregnancy.
Also, are you approaching this from the ideal that if you ever got pregnant you're definitely keeping it? Because personally before you have sex those are views you need to share. He has a right to break it off or not sleep with you if you are of the opinion that any baby you have is being kept and abortion or adoption are not options and he has a problem with that.
]
It doesn't make him a bad guy, he was honest with you. If you had been together for two years, where you know your deeply in love with eachother - then maybe yes. But two months? You can't expect him to say he's there, and ready for that commitment if that happened. He wasn't thinking about you, but more about the position he'd be in, and why shouldn't he? I'm sure he agrees himself a man should stick to his woman if she is pregnant, but also will feel like all the plans he made would be put on hold, alongside the predicted lack of support from parents etc. Don't worry about his reaction, give it time and if you are together for a longer while, I'm sure he will change is mind. I know from experience.
]
Hey, give him some credit for being honest. You don't mention how old you are, but I'm going to guess somewhere under 20 based on the site demographic.
Most guys aren't ready to deal with the consequences of pregnancy, but since it almost never comes up in conversation they just skim over that. Then when the girl gets pregnant, they bolt.
You've been together 2 months. If you were to get pregnant, that would mean spending a lifetime together in some way, whether the relationship continues or you're just seeing him when you drop off the kid. That's a pretty big commitment to give when you haven't been together that long.
So keep waiting until his answer is "Yes, I would stand by you." That way, you know that if you get in a fix you wouldn't be in it alone.
]
nonono, my boyfriend says that too ! and im still a virgin.. proud of it :] haha.
its normal to ask that question, but sometimes, when you catch your guy off guard, he doesnt know how to react.
its perfectly normal that he said i dont know and id probably jump off a cliff because they arent thinking that it will happen. if hes caring with you and treats you the way you deserve to be treated, then that shows his character, not by some question he answers.
most boys dont think about stuff like that, and us girls, we tend to overthink things. boys are more rational and im completely certain that he didnt mean he wouldnt stick by you if you got pregnant, its just not something hes ever really put thought into.
its like this: when i ask my boyfriend what he would want to name his kids if he ever had any and he replies with, "i dont know." ... it doesnt mean he never wants kids, yuh know ? it just means he hasnt really put any thought into it.
and im sure if you asked your boyfriend again, and you were like, "seriously. would you stay with me?" .. hed give you an honest answer :]
but dont worry ! im sure hes a good guy, just let it pass for now.. then bring it up again sometime in the future. and remember, how he treats you is how he would most likely treat his kids, if he ever had any.
good luck ! hope i helped ! if you need anything else, feel free to inbox me, xxo.
]
More Questions: |