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He is going to talk with his ex... and they were together 5 years. I am worried.
im 18/f and my boyfriend is 19/m
my bestfriend that ive liked for months and months asked me to be his girlfriend only 2 days ago.. and now that im in the picture as his girlfriend, it would seem his ex wants back in too.
Him and his ex girlfriend were together for 5 years, and im worried about her coming over and catching up with him, just cause im scared that his feelings will come back and he'll return to her.
she also has a boyfriend, but that doesnt stop her from being flirty with him
he asked me if it was okay that he catches up with her, and that he promises nothing will happen. and although i trust him that he wont DO anything, im scared that he WILL get stronger feelings for her, then what he has for me...
i mean they were together for 5 years, been broken up for 8 months and we've only been dating a mere 48 hours..
im just really scared :(
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Ohhhhh.
Ok. You aren't crazy or ridiculous. I say this because I kinda did that once, I broke up with my girlfriend (now wife) for four months and dated a girl for a week, then got to talking and well, now she's wife and I haven't talked to the other girl in like four years.
I can't really see any other way out of it though. He wants to catch up, he has that right. Bringing up your insecurities isn't really a great option either. Sharing and communication are great, when you're comfy enough to communicate. 48 hours in isn't a few months in where you talk and share and trust, though.
Let him go. Welcome him back enthusiastically. Make some plans together the same day or the next day and go have fun together.
Back on the sharing part for a second, you might consider talking to him about their relationship. Go with the line "If she's your friend I'd like to know more about her, if you'd like to tell me." and invite him to give you a rundown of the relationship. If he's into talking you might be able to have some good mutual understanding and bond over what now seems like a scary event that cropped up.
I also somewhat agree with Voice at the bottom. Wanting to catch up is one thing, but incessant flirting or overtures should be considered unacceptable. If she actually expresses desires to get back together or gets physical in ways she wouldn't if you were in the room with her, even though it's not on him that she's doing it it is on him if he tolerates it and pretends it's nothing.
Guys sometimes have a tendency to allow ego stroking. Even if he isn't interested in her at all he might indulge or otherwise quietly tolerate the things she does that feeds his self image and makes him feel wanted. Things that would make you feel threatened and uncomfortable.
Make sure that you communicate clearly about how things go. Don't get aggressive and accusation, but I don't think you'd be remiss in directly asking him how he'd react if she tried and he wasn't interested. "I'd just ignore her and continue hanging out" not being an acceptable answer.
This is where that talk about their relationship from earlier helps out. Getting a feel for how he feels about her and what he thinks without it coming in a "do you still like her? Huh?!" context will help you gauge his likely responses and figure out if you've got anything to get upset about at any point.
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Your relationship is so new, I think it sends the wrong message to your boyfriend to forbid him to go. I can totally understand your insecurity, but at this point, you have to trust him, he's given you no reason not to. As you said, they were together a long time. They will have a connection for a long time, even if its not romantic. You say he is your best friend, so you must know him pretty well. Do you trust him? Is he a good guy? If yes, then let him go with a kiss and a smile and tell him you trust him totally. Maybe now that they are both in relationships, maybe they just need that final closure. Just a "I'm happy for you and wish you the best" kind of meeting. It happens. Again, I don't think you're crazy to feel uneasy, but still, you have to just suck it up, or else you'll look like the crazy girlfriend, and you don't want that. I'm sure it will be fine. Let it play out. If nothing happens then this was a great exercise in trust, and you'll feel that much more secure in your relationship. If something else happens, well, you can cross that bridge when you get to it. Good luck.
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Women are competitive with each other. This is why guys are often most popular when they have a girlfriend and then far less popular when they don't, for example (it also doesn't help that guys get more desperate when they are minus a squeeze, which in itself is not attractive).
His ex hasn't completely moved on emotionally and when you came into the picture it got her competitive juices going again. What you have to do is sit down with your boyfriend and tell him that he either has to completely move on and ignore her overtures or you will go elsewhere since you want both physical and emotional exclusivity and deserve it.
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