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Is this relationship a lost cause?
I was seeing a guy for a year and a half. We made it official for a little while but then ended up taking the titles off but we were still exclusive, or so he told me... Some shady stuff happened. I dumped him, but he wants to just give it a break and stay friends because he says he sees a great future for us a little bit down the road and he wants to get serious with me in the future but not right now. I asked him if he plans to mess with other girls during that time and he says he can't make any promises. That pissed me off, hut I understood that because be recently moved two hours away I won't be physically available anymore and well sad to say but men have needs. but I offered that we can still mess around if he doesn't mess with anyone else, to which he said he wil lthink about but he can't make any promises (and I was willing to drive up there twice a month for the weekend).
Anyway, even though he wants to stay friends, he puts no effort into keeping in touch. I finally came to the conclusion that the past year or so has been a lie and that I was being led on. I really do see a great future for us, but only if he goes back to being the person he was in the beginning of our relationship.
I am conflicted on what to do. He tells me that this is the wrong time for him to be in a relationship, that he wants to get his degree first which will be this summer, and I'll be done with college in the fall. Also that it would too hard because we live far apart now (I am moving to where he is in a few months though, and while we were together we talked about living together).
I don't know what to do? Are his reasons valid, or is this just a load of crap he's giving me to string me along? While we were officially together, he never strayed, but I could tell he wasn't happy because I kind of forced him to be in a relationship and he agreed because he didn't want to lose me. If we start things up in the future, I'm worried that faithfulness will be an issue. I'm considering these options at the moment:
A) permanently removing him from my life
B) keeping in touch but only that, and seeing other people
C) Staying good friends but nothing physical
D) Making no effort to keep in touch with him to see if he is just using me or if he's willing to make the effort to make things right.
What should I do? I'm not sure if I have feelings for him anymore, because I am very hurt and I have a lot of anger towards him. I was always honest and upfront with him and he wasn't always the same with me. He says he doesn't know if he has feelings for me anymore either, and I can understand that because I haven't been an angel either, I have said some pretty mean things to him, which is what I do in retaliation to being hurt, which I know is pretty immature.
Thanks for anyone who answers. I am 20 and he is 25. And as a sidenote I am moving to where he lives because it's a big city, not because he lives there, but because it's a beautiful place with many job opportunities.
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"Some shady stuff happened. I dumped him, but he wants to just give it a break and stay friends because he says he sees a great future for us a little bit down the road and he wants to get serious with me in the future...."
This reminds me of a girl I dumped. She used to phone me up occasionally long after we broke up and tell me that we would probably end up getting married one day. "Uh, no chance of that," I told her and she later married another guy, which got her out of my hair for good.
Right now, you are feeling used because, well, he is indeed using you. You are insecure enough, though, to not cut the cord completely, which means he can feel he can have you warming up in the bullpen when he is desperate for some poon somewhere down the line.
So what you need to do is to take control of your life, boot this user out of it and move on. If you don't you will have only yourself to blame.
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It may not be that he's leading you on. It may be that he is sincerely confused about his feeling right now. I'm sure you know how that feels. He may have started out with the best of intentions and then realized his feelings weren't as clear as he thought. Give it some time and space. Move forward with your own life for now and let him figure things out on his own. Until he does, live your life. If he contacts you, fine, if not, well you'll have too many other things going on in your life to let it affect you too badly. You both may be right - you may find a lovely friendship/relationship down the road, but it seems that for now you should give yourselves the space to grow so that you'll be ready when the next opportunity comes. Good luck.
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If you are looking for commitment then it is a dead card. The guy pretty much told you that he doesn't want commitment at this time in his life, He makes no promises he won't fool around but gives you all the hints he just wants to play the field for awhile. If you are looking for a long term serious relationship then honestly...I don't think he is your guy after all he just wants a booty call and to remain "available" for his convenience.
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