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New Group of Friends
So I recently started hanging out with a new group of people because I started dating David, a really sweet boy I met a few months ago. I love his friends because they are all super crazy and fun and they know how to party and they are a very close knit group that actually like doing things together (which I always wanted). So basically dating David opened up this whole new lifestyle for me with constant activity and fun, and it's a dream come true. He's also very sweet and we love each other.
The problem?
In this group of friends there is one girl, Mia, who basically is in charge. She is dating Miguel, this really chill guy in the group and they are very very cute together, like the "it" couple. Everyone, myself included, loves them. However, this girl is basically the leader of the group in that whatever she wants to do, everyone follows. She is confident, very attractive and very cool. I'm not one to look for or need attention and I'm often cool with doing whatever everyone else wants to do, so this would not be a problem, except for, I cant help but feel weird about how much everyone (David included) talks about/fawns over her. It's not that I'm jealous, because I really admire her as well, but I get uncomfortable sometimes when I spend time with David and he talks about Mia and how she is...a lot. Plus I go to a different school on a different schedule than they do and so I cannot always hang out with them and David does because obviously they are his friends but one time he even blew off coming to see me because she wanted to go to a party (he went with her and her boyfriend and another friend).
I don't want all of this to sound petty, but I cant help feel that they all have high favoritism towards her, and it makes me feel anxious although I don't want it to and I try not to let it. I just don't know how I can feel better about this because I hate the fact that it makes me feel this way.
Also, it's not that I would EVER suspect David cheating or anything, this isn't the issue at all. Hes very sweet and he loves me and the thing about this whole ordeal is that I fit in very well with all of his friends but I don't get to see them that often so I'm not that close with all of them yet. I hope that once summer comes and I have free time I become closer to them, it just bothers me that I feel anxious about this girl when I shouldn't. I don't know how to make it stop. Advice?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Talk to your boyfriend about it in private. Just casually say something like "One day we should do something I want to do instead of always doing something Mia wants" then just confess to your boyfriend about how you're feeling. Tell him exactly what you told us.
Then, if you get enough courage, talk to Mia about it. In private of course. you don't have to be a bitch about it or anything. Make a suggestion and say something like "Saturday we should do this etc. etc. etc." If she comes up with her own plans, try saying "last week we did something you suggested, this week we should do something I suggest"
Again, try not to sound annoying or anything. Also, try taking notes about what kinds of plans she makes. Like if her plans are usually parties and shopping, then you should make your own plan that includes the things she likes. Maybe she doesn't take your suggestions into consideration because she doesn't like those plans?
Here's another big tip I have for you.. stand up for yourself! I know you like this new group of friends, but don't let them stamp all over you. Stand up for yourself and show them that they can't boss you around. For example, If they all decide to go to a party but you suggest going to a movie instead. And they all agree with Mia to go to this party, you should loudly just say "I really don't want to go to the party, I'm going to the movie instead. Join me if you'd like to" and then do what you want. Let them follow you.
The most likely reason why Mia is the leader of this group is because the rest are following her. She probably didn't "force" them to do anything.. they probably just followed her. So next time, you go your own separate path and see who follows you. If they don't follow you, then you can either just follow mia and deal with it.. or you can find another group that will respect YOUR decisions too.
good luck and inbox me if you need more help!
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My advice would be to try to speak up. Maybe everyone else follows her because no one else can think of anything to do. If there's something you'd like to do, suggest it. They either accept it or reject it, but at least you tried.
Maybe it's even just as simple as getting to know everyone better, then maybe things won't seem so favoritist(if that's a word).
Lastly, if it bothers you that your bf talks about her so much, just ask him not to. I had that problem with my bf and one of his friends, and I talked to him about it and everything's fine now. He probably just doesn't realize that it bothers you.
Hope this helped! Goodluck and keep smiling! :)
~RF
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