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My parents always insults me
I'm 17 turning 18 and i'm a girl.
Whenever there is a silence in the house, my parents always bring up the subject about my future, they always say stuff like 'what will you do when you grow up'. When i tell them i do not know, or i can't decide, my dad just said that i'm some sort of highschool dropout even though i get Bs or As, sometimes Cs in my classes. They're always saying stuff like: you're such a disappointment, can't you do anything right?, why can't you care about your future?, you are so ungrateful, etc. They never praise me, and if i do manage to get a good grade average, they say stuff like: you better keep it this way, why can't it be like this all the time?
One of the worst things is that my mom puts words in my mouth, she rants on and on about how her friend's daughters are so successful yet i'm not. And whenever i do something wrong i get yelled at for about an hour about it. And sometimes my mom says stuff like: maybe i should just leave and never come back, i'm so tired of you, you make me miserable.
What should i do? I'm afraid to stand up to them because they might kick me out. Thanks to their ranting and insults, i actually have a phobia of being wrong. I always expect someone to lash out at me or something. Sometimes i think they don't know how much to hurts for them to say these things about me. They even talk behind my back even if i'm there in the same room. Please help!
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Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age and life experience will be helpful to you.
There is usually more to these types of stories than what is being written. That's the wisdom and age thing talking.
Based just on what you have written; you could say you are being mentally abused by your parents. Are they aware they are doing this? Are they even doing this on purpose to be mean, spiteful and hurtful? Fact is I doubt it, it is probably a result of the way they were brought up. Doesn't make it right, doesn't make it any less hurtful.
What worries me the most though about what you have written is the talk of having a phobia of being wrong. Phobias' have a way of being all consuming if not addressed. In addressing your phobia we will hopefully address the other problems which are the cause of the phobia.
Lets start with your supposed lack of direction in life: Your not alone in not knowing what you want to do after High School. Just about 50% of all graduates lack a clear and concise path as to their future. The reasons for this are not material at this time just the fact that you are not alone or abnormal is what counts.
The largest percentage of this group will try out the local community college. They do so for a variety of reasons, stemming from grade improvement to the opportunity to experience college life on the cheap so to speak. Mostly this buys time to find direction.
All of us mature at different rates. Just because we are a certain age and graduate high school does not mean we are ready or have the maturity to take he next step An analogy would be something like baking a cake: Some cakes bake just as the directions on the box say they will; others need to back in the oven for a few more minutes. Not the greatest of descriptions but it works.
As parents we all want what is best for our children. Some of us plan our children's lives out for them and if they don't achieve our plan it is their failure not areas. This is wrong on all counts. No one likes to fail, children do not like to fail their parents. Parents hate to fail there children. What is wrong is for a parent to blame a child for a parents failure, something that may be at work here; I don't know so I can't say.
I do not believe you have failed your parents, I believe your parents may have failed you and are blaming you.
What I would like you to do is have a talk with your school guidance counselor. I would like you to tell him/her just what you have written to us with emphasis on your growing phobia. Your school guidance counselor should know you better than I do and will know the best way to help you.
I have two areas that you need to ask for specific help with.
First and foremost is the phobia. This needs to be addressed before it becomes all encompassing.
Second: Id talk to your counselor about what classes at the local community college that might interest you. It may be you have the basic preparation for introduction to certain subjects that you can forgo the prereqs the first semester and get directly into the meat of a subject which you will find much more interesting than your high school liberal arts subjects.
Hopefully this will also get mom and dad off your back as it will show them you are at least looking for direction
Good luck
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this is wrong what they are doing. they should not be putting you down. what you need to do is talk to them. they might not realize they are even doing this. marbe if you talk to them they will stop. hope this helps.
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