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scared to call time on my relationship
I'm in a confusing situation, i'm 25 and basically i've been with my current boyfriend for 5 years and we have a mortgage together but things haven't been going great for me recently, my feelings have started to change and i dont see the same future that i used too. I always thought he would be the guy i wanted to marry and have children with but now thats not what i want. I'm too scared to walk away in case its just a rough patch and i would also lose everything that ive worked hard for like my beautiful house, also i'd lose the majority of our friends. To make it even more confusing is the fact that a guy that i've always had chemistry with is back on the scene, he makes me feel amazing and special and i get butterflies whenever i think of him but is it real or is it just cos things aren't good at home! I'm so confused about what to do...
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The problem is that you made too many big decisions too early. The changes in your thinking are normal as the brain continues to mature until about age 25. This doesn't make you a bad person, just an evolving adult.
At this point, if you really aren't feeling the relationship then get out. At your age you shouldn't have been pinned down into one relationship anyway and should have done more exploring of life. If you don't walk away the regrets will only increase. Put off marriage and kids until at least 30 and do a little more wandering around in life and see where it leads you.
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I think you have to take a break. This may well be just a rough patch, but you are not married yet. If you don't take a chance now and see if you really want to be out there on your own, when you do marry you will always be wondering. And trust me, that is a nasty spot to be in. If you are not happy now, do you think marriage will change that? No my dear, it will get worse. Marriage magnifies everything. So take care of your questions now. It will be difficult, but you've basically been in a relationship your whole adult life. You don't even know what it is like to be out there on your own. I'm a huge believer in women's intuition. What is your gut telling you? Listen to that.. you are wiser than you think. And dont' be afraid to take chances. Its the only way you can grow.
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Hey,
There's a reason why it has lasted for 5 years now. There's a reason why you're here, writing this, seeking advice - because you want to keep what you have, otherwise you would have broken it off already. Temporary surprises will pop up now and then, like that "back on the scene guy", but that is your chance to prove to yourself who you really want to be with. It's like when you're on a diet and a nice, creamy cheesecake starts having a staring contest with you =). I strongly think that this is just a rough patch - sometimes the passion becomes dormant for a while or sometimes there is a lack of communication. Think of the awesome, sweet, happy times you spent with your man and try to repeat all those memories and experiences once more. Focus on what makes you happy about the relationship. Surprise him. Do everything in your power to give him the butterflies you want to have yourself. Try making him feel how you want to feel. Who knows, maybe your lover is thinking the very same things. Take the first step, grab his hand, and give him a dance. It's going to be okay. I hope this helps. Feel better *hugs*.
K
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