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Ex wants to exchange our things...
22/f.
So typical breakup dilemma. My ex and I had a terrible breakup about a week ago. His last words to me were 'Go slash your wrists and die you bitch' I responded telling him never contact me again. I was the one who broke up with him as I got sick of us fighting. As miserable as I've been (and god I have been) I was starting to accept he was out of my life.
Then I get a message today telling me he wants to meet in person to "simply exchange our things in a pleasant manner." I'm like, sure, ok, whatever. He suggests this park where we "went for ice cream once." I suggest he just post the stuff to me, and he just ignores that and asks what day/time would suit me.
I have a DVD of his and he has a book and a CD of mine, stuff I simply don't care about.
I told him I wouldn't be able to get the DVD for a while as its at my parents place (not mine) and he said there's no hurry. The truth is I think seeing him will set me back and make me feel worse.
So my question is, should I meet up with him and face him and do a "pleasant exchange" or should I simply post his stuff or get a friend to give it to him? Also what could his motives for seeing me be... does he want to talk or just get his dvd back?
Thanks
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Even if you think you may be lonely or have a little bit of feelings for him, remember all the arguing and bad things that happened to cause the break up in the first place. You'll find someone that's right for you and who deserves your love. If he's so "desperate" to get his things back, find a friend to drop them off and let him know to have a nice life but you're happy without him. I hope this helps and good luck.
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I don't think this has anything to do with the stuff he has mentioned.
Sounds like you dumped him and he is having a hard time with it. Odds are he wants to talk about getting back together, but that is just a guess.
People don't usually break up because they fight... they usually break up because they fight about something that doesn't get resolved. Whatever it was that one or both of you were not willing to work out, well... just remember that before you entertain the thought of getting back together. If that doesn't get fixed, it is just going to be more of the same.
You mentioned that a week ago, you broke up, and I was just curious: Did you really break up with him because his family didn't buy you anything for your graduation?
I saw the previous question (donors can see past questions asked, but it never says who you are or anything) and wondered, since the timing is exactly right.
Good luck, and I hope you are happy with your new life without him sooner than later. I know it takes time. Hope it isn't long.
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Don't meet him.
He doesn't want his DVD back, and he isn't desperate to give you things back you said you don't care about. He wants to talk. We have no way to know what about, but in my experience he likely wants to talk to either:
Prove to himself that he isn't a total asshole and make himself feel better about the break up.
Pretend you can be friends to make himself feel better.
Or get back together.
This is about him. Making himself feel better.
Which might very well come at the cost of your feelings. Don't do it. Anything he has to be said right now can be said over e-mail. There is no reason to met him in person unless you wish too.
You are not obliged to help him achieve any of those things, and you aren't ready to face those motivations with strength and honesty yet if you are only just making peace with the break up yourself.
His moronic idea of going someplace you once went on a date makes it rather clear he isn't just looking to trade stuff - he wants something. Maybe he just wants a sense of forgiveness or friendship, regardless, you don't have to give that to him. It is perfectly fair to tell him he must get what he needs, and heal, by himself.
Many people have a crazy idea that their ex holds the key to 'closure', but that is just that: completely fucking crazy.
So tell him no. When you get the DVD from your parents, it could be mailed if you still aren't ready to see him.
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