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my life is falling apart
I am married in my mid-20s and have been with this person for 6 years. I love them with every breath i take. However in the past year, this person started an emotional relationship with someone else and almost left me. a couple months later he became obessed with a web cam girl and was making plans to meet her. and in november he posted a add for sex on craigslist. I thought i was over all that crap but a month ago i kissed a friend. I realized that i was no inlove with my husband anymore. Our sexaul relationship is gone. it is like living with my best friend. to make thigns worse, this person i kissed i really developed intense feelings for. I took action on these feelings and now im very confused. i am afraid i have fallen for him. I dont know what to do. I told my husband i made out with this person, but i didnt say anything about my feelings. I feel like i want to run away. I dont want to be tied to anyone, even this other man. Id like to keep them both in my life but not in a relationship. i want to be able to figure out my self. I am a good person and i have never cheated on anyone before. This whole thing has confused me soo much. my friends yell at me and tell me to stop talk to this other man, but i cant. My feelings run deep with him. I am not sure what to do and i feel so depressed and guilty
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"the heart wants what the heart wants" is often used to excuse impulsive behavior and to avoid taking responsibility for your actions. Your intense feelings for this other person might be a reflection of the lack of emotional fulfillment with your husband. Stop seeing or meeting this other guy and focus on the issues with your husband, perhaps a professional counselor would be more suitable than a website.
if all your attempts to salvage the marriage fails, then perhaps a divorce is in order. After that, you can have fun with this other guy with a clear conscience.
best wishes
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I'm sorry to say but your husband doesn't love you anymore. He's emotionally detached himself from you and is seeking someone else to start a relationship with. If someone loves you, they would never try to have a relationship with someone else. He obviously doesn't care if he hurts you or if you found out about his little tryst. Even if you decide to go to marriage counseling and work things out for a while, I'm pretty sure he'll go back to his old ways and seek out another. Time to have a long talk with him and go your seperate ways. I hope this helps and I wish the best of luck to you.
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You need to get to a marriage counselor right away. If your husband won't go, go alone. Yes, it costs money, but it is an investment. Your "cheating" is not necessarily because you are in love with someone else. You have a void in your marriage and you are looking to fill that void. I'm not saying that this marriage can be saved, but I do know that you have to try. I've personally known couples who have been through horrible times - cheating, fights, etc. They've HATED each other and wondered why they married in the first place. I've seen those same people work and fight for their marriage before giving up on it... and they were able to repair their relationship and even become stronger and more in love than they were before. My point is, love doesn't always feel like love. When you marry, you make a commitment to stick it out with the other person, even when you don't feel all lovey dovey and head over heals. There are times in every marriage where you feel dry and used up and wonder if you even love this person. Commitment means getting help through those times. Its too soon to walk away from your commitment. You may miss out on some of the most amazing times of your life by quitting too early. So go get help. Find the money or borrow it, do whatever it takes, but find a counselor and start working out what is going on inside you. Ask your husband to come with you, to honor the commitment you made to each other. Hopefully he will see that you both need help, and he will honor you as a friend and a wife to go seek help. But if he chooses not to, go alone. You at least need to get more clarification on where your life is headed and what you want out of your future with your husband. You need help to do that.
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if you dont believe that your marrige will get any better and just keep going in a downward spiral like it is, then i dont think you should stay with your husband. you can can love someone but not be IN love with them. if he almost left you once and replied to that add on craigslist than he's not serious about being with you. and this other man, your friend, he shouldnt have kissed you if he knew you were married but if you have strong feelings and feel great when your with him, i think you should go for it. the heart wants what the heart wants and no one, no matter how much they want or need to, can change that. but your young and im sure your very pretty, so you should have no trouble at all finding someone in the future. if you dont want to be tied down theres no reason you should have to be. listen to your heart, it will guide you in the right direction most of the time. i hope i helped atleast a little. if you want to talk somemore just find me again. good luck and please let me know what happens.
~Alana*
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