|
Break up or no break up?
I've been with my boyfriend for 15 months. I'm a senior in high school, 17, and he's a freshman in college, 19.
Its gotten to a point where I can't bear the sight of him. I don't even want to Skype him because I don't want to bother feigning interest.
I have no idea what sparked this. I don't think I necessarily grew tired of HIM, but I found out more about him as the relationship went on that I grew to hate. He's cocky, conceited, and we want different things in the long run - he has a lot of family baggage involving a special needs sibling and he wants to live in the house he grew up in for the rest of his life; I want to marry young, him older; I don't think I could ever bear children (due to med. problems) and he inconsiderately said that "he couldn't marry a woman who couldn't bear him a child". And our overall level of communication does not match up.
Now as I'm writing this, its plain to see where breaking up would, in fact, be the smart and obvious move. But there are so many things about our relationship which I feel I would miss so much. I've seen him once a week almost every week for over a year - I feel like there'd be a major, lonely void there if I broke up with him. - I admittedly don't have a whoooole lot of friends. I have a few close ones, but not enough where I can make plans with different sets twice a weekend, every weekend. - Also we do have a few good times, when he's not pissing me off...
I think he was more mature than I was when we met - I was a young 16, he was just on the cusp of 18 - but now I think the tables have turned completely. He talks to me in a baby voice constantly and I can't stand it. When I calmly and casually confront him with minor issues he whines "nooo" in a baby voice. I want to smack him. And all he thinks about is schoolwork. I'm very studious also, but he hasn't found out how to balance work and play. ALL he talks about is schoolwork when he's at school - he has no fun at all. This is completely opposite from high school, when he did no schoolwork whatsoever.
Obviously this relationship sounds like a trainwreck, I'm not stupid, but I can't bring myself to break up with him. I wish it could just fade away. This is my first relationship and I don't know how to handle it. He hasn't actually done anything wrong, which would make me feel bad to break up with him. I'm also torn about whether to end it now or at the end of the summer, before college... or during college, after I scope out the guys... idk. I know its not fair to him because I'm not committed and I've been scoping out other guys for about 3 months. Any advice at all, or personal experience, would be greatly appreciated. Thanks :)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
(He's cocky, conceited, and we want different things in the long run )
Right here you have made up your mind, You do not need opinions what you should do. If you are not feeling it anymore then it's over and done with and you should end it.
The first sign of a dead relationship is the fact that you two have different desires and needs for the future. Your boyfriend isn't on the same page, If you aren't committed and been looking at other guys then end it and move on.
]
You know you are going to break up with this guy. There isn't much of a question yet. You hold him in contempt and you don't want the same things. Those are basically the two kisses of death for a relationship. You just aren't ready to do it yet.
You know what? That's okay.
It feels shitty. It feels shitty and dishonest to know it's over, but not be able to say it out loud yet. It's actually really very normal. I remember walking around the block trying to psyche myself up to breaking up with a guy each time before I went to his house for like, two weeks before we finally broke up.
Breaking up is hard to do.
You're going to dump this guy. The relationship isn't working for you and there are lots of really, really good reasons to think it won't work in the long term either.
Give yourself a break. You'll be ready when you are ready. It's scary and it's sad, but you'll get there and learn some valuable things about how you get to that point, and what to do about it.
If you find yourself scoping out guys knowing you'll dump him in the spring - that's pretty awful. That's an underhanded plan and you shouldn't do that, but if you honestly just haven't quite made up your mind yet, give yourself some slack and some time to do so. You know where this is most likely heading, but it's okay to give it some time to get there.
]
Well you've answered your own question. The only problem is, you don't want to feel like a jerk for breaking up with him. Sorry, that's unavoidable... you just have to be brave and do it. Its never pleasant to tell someone you've cared about that your feelings have changed, but that's life. You just have to accept the fact that you're going to feel bad and he's going to be hurt. And then it'll be done and you'll both move on in your lives. It doesn't make you a jerk and it doesn't make you a bad person. You're not mean. You're just growing up and your bf doesn't fit into your life anymore. Just do it and get it over with. You don't need to tell him everything you told us here (that might sound a little mean) but you can tell him your feelings have changed, you don't know why but they have, its just one of those things and you don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore. If he wants details, tell him sometimes there just isn't a reason. Life happens and people grow and change and you've changed. End of story. Good luck.
]
More Questions: |