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Cheated on and lied to
I'm 18/M
So my girlfriend of almost 9 months called me a week ago, and told me she kissed another guy. The big issue is that this one guy is the only person I've ever had a problem with in her life, and there's been a lot of issues involving him. About 4 months ago, she told me she had kissed him before we were dating, after she lied to me and said they never had. She violated my trust once, but I forgave her and told her, if there's anything else, this is your only chance to tell me and I'll listen. Well she promised me over and over that was it, and I believed her.
So she called me, told me it was on a night we watched a movie, and I said to her "That's after we started dating" and she kept saying it wasn't. I didn't believe her, so I made her call the local movie store and ask when that movie was rented, and sure enough it was after we started dating. It was also 4 days before my birthday. He kissed her, and she kissed him back for several minutes. What makes this worse is I was there that night, she kissed me many times that night and looked me in the eyes, kissed me goodnight, I left her house and she had him sleep over. She lied to me for 9 months. She promised this was the only other time anything happened, then after questioning more, I find out there was a 3rd time, when we were establishing our relationship, about a week before our first kiss. She said they kissed and he kissed her neck, then she again told me that was all. Then I find out, he took her shirt and bra off, kissed her chest, she had her hands down his pants....And she told me she had never done that before in her life. She lied to me about everything...Things that she had done before, and ever having any relations with this kid.
I was in love, and I got crushed. She kept lying over and over and yes, she cheated on me a few weeks into our relationship but then there was 8 months of perfection. I found it in my heart to try and forgive her and try to make things work, under one condition. This kid was to be out of her life completely, no matter what. She agreed, and a few days later she changed her mind. She told me I'm an awful person and completely unreasonable for making her choose between him and me, because he is a family friend. I told her it's me or him, and I want to know, do you think I should have taken her back, and am I being unreasonable telling her not to see him anymore?
Also,
He has also pressured her into drinking, and taking her shirt off for a stupid game, when he kept saying no. He texts her telling him to break up with me all the time, always talks bad about me, he talks bad to her, and always puts his hands on her.
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Your relationship with her is over.
Sorry, that's the truth of it.
She values her relationship with this other guy - even when it crosses the line and risks her relationship with you. It's not so much that she chooses him over you, but she has decided that this is something she is willing to lose you over.
What's important is that SHE feels its unreasonable expectation for you to want him out of her life. She thinks that is controlling and unfair. That means you and her have come to a point where no negotiation or comprise is possible. You have two completely different, irreconcilable ideas about how to live life and what is acceptable.
So you need to break up.
Everything else is pretty much irrelevant, although there is a lot going through your mind it's really only this that matters:
You have reached a point where you cannot compromise and cannot agree. She won’t stop her friendship with him, and you won’t be with her if she won’t.
There is no point and saying “it’s him or me.” She has already told you that she refuses to make that choice. She has chosen both of you, and if you aren’t okay with that then relationship is over. End of story.
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Is sounds to me that you could find a female in your life that would never cheat on you. If i was in your situation I would make my husband choose between me or some girl that was trying to ruin our marriage. If he got upset about me make him choose who he needs to be with than he made up his mind by choicing to continue talking to her. so what i am saying is dump the girl itll take a while to get over her but sounds like its for the best. i dont give people a second chance one they have cheated on me.
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No you shouldn't of taken her back after all of the things she put you threw from her cheating to being with the other guy and lieing to you you don't deserve any of that you were faithful to her which is how it should be she was the one who wasn't none of this is your fault it's her's she did all of that on her own no your not being unreasonable you have every right to tell her not to see him anymore you gave her chances and forgave her and she did those horrible things to you you deserve someone better who will be faithful to you and who's trustworthy she did something wrong and she has to suffer the consequences of loosing you her behavior and the way she acts shouldn't be tolerated you shouldn't have to put up with it for so long like you have been don't allow her to twist things around and make it seem like all of this is your fault it isn't your best option is to end it before you end up becoming more hurt by her behavior and bad actions :)
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Dump her, At this point you are wasting your time.
You have given your chances, She blew every single one of them. Guess what, 9 months is way to long to be lied too. For all you know, There could be a lot more to what you already were told. I am a big believer in "Once a cheater, Always a cheater" Sometimes in relationships people can only be given so many chances before you just have to realize it is time to move on. Unfortunately, You have reached this point in your relationship. Your girlfriend can't be faithful and respect you then she sure as hell don't deserve to be with you. She is wrong, You didn't make her choose. You told her how it was and how it was going to be and she still went on and continued doing what she was doing while well aware of the consequences. There is better, There will be better. Your best bet is to cut all contact (I'm a big fan of no drama too!) Don't let her reel you into thinking that she has changed and it won't happen again...She had 9 months to change and she didn't. If that guy likes to take advantage of her then let her learn the hard way. Find someone who will appreciate you for you.
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