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If a child of 15 tells you they think they are bi...... Are the truly gay?
Or are they confused? What can I do? My son thinks he is going to hell, I believe god loves us all. I don't know what verse in the bible will be helpful. Anything you have will help.
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Hi there,
I usually agree with another poster here, but I had to chime in and point something out to avoid confusing your son further. He already has quite enough on his plate just figuring out who he is, without being placed under Jewish law.
Are you religiously observant Jewish people? If not, then, as far as I know, each and every one of the scripture passages quoted there are without merit for your situation.
The passage from Mark, is taken completely out of context, in that Christ was being asked about a law that had been applied by certain Jewish sects. Their intention was to trip him up, thinking him to be someone easily bamboozled. If you read the rest of the passage, you will find that his answer to them was very enlightening.
I am familiar with the website she linked you to, and the reason I wanted to clarify a bit was to let you know that their treatment is not so heavy handed as to take things completely out of context and run with it.
Also, livehope.com, the link given by the other person who answered you, is the most tolerant of all the groups I have yet found that are both Christian and not 100% pro-homosexuality.
What I find most interesting about them is that they do one thing I have seen no place else: They strive to try and answer the question of WHY people have gender issues that leave them hating themselves in the first place.
There are many people in many places sexually and relationally. Some people are homosexual and are seeking a church that is open to them. For them, the link that the second user left you would be appropriate, to be sure.
Some people, however HATE that they are feeling attraction to their own sex, and while they may or may not want to change this in the end, the question that nobody seems to give them an honest, well researched answer to, is the simplest one: "Why, if I want NOTHING to do with my own gender, sexually, are these thoughts and feelings in my head against my will?"
The only answer they ever get is: "You are gay, roll with it!"
Well, that doesn't work for someone who isn't interested in sex with their own gender, nor has any interest in living the homosexual lifestyle, now does it?
From what you wrote, it sounds like your son might be in the second group. If so, please check out livehope.org for the following:
"Why? DVD: Understanding Homosexuality and Gender Developement in Males"
"Why? Understanding the Roots of Male Homosexuality and Gender Identity"
Both of which will prove fascinating, and can be found here:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Anyway, the idea of making decisions about sexuality before the brain is even fully developed, is something that should, perhaps, be avoided.
I have the benefit of seeing behind the scenes here, and the one recurring pattern is that most people who have posted things here, similar to what your son said go back and forth between sexual orientations several times.
We once had a user here who proudly proclaimed that she was 13 and a lesbian in a committed lesbian relationship. So militant was her stance, that she even offered to kill anyone who had anything negative to say about it...
... About 60 days later, the boy who rejected her, thereby "turning her into a lesbian" (not my words) decided that he liked her. Well, she is still here, years later, and expecting baby number two, living with the third guy since.
You see the thing that is amiss here, is once upon a time, we weren't called on to think about any of this at 13. I don't believe any of us are equipped to deal with any kind of sexual relationship, gay or straight, at that age, so why put stress on someone to label themselves?
I hate to break to your son, but nobody really knows who they are, completely, at 15. I sometimes wonder if I have begun to figure it out at 40!
Please encourage your son to check out the materials on livehope.org. They also have a support group for parents, as well as teens who are taking the time to work out who they are.
Something to remember: This is about what your son believes. If you are a Christian, and you are seriously interested in Christianity:
My understanding is as follows:
One: Heaven is God's party. He, and he alone, will be sending out passes to the party. Anyone claiming to know the state of anyone else's soul does so at their own peril.
There are groups out there that would say your son is A-OK for heaven, without knowing anything more about him than what you have written here, and there are other groups that are 100% certain he is going to hell... and neither group has any idea at ALL what they are talking about. It is up to God whom he accepts and rejects and what any of these groups say about it can only cause harm.
Two: The bible has a pretty fair list of the desired characteristics of guests that God will be inviting to the party in heaven.
Three: One cannot judge the hoped outcome of anything without paying careful attention to the rules that govern it.
Hence: If you are playing pingpong in the Olympics, you wouldn't say that a foul is whatever you feel should be one at the moment.
When playing basketball, you don't get to just make up the number of points a basket is worth because you want it that way.
In that same line of thought: If you want to "win" at Christianity, you have to play by the rules. You don't get to make them up, and you don't get to say: "God loves everyone forever no matter what, and so everyone is going to heaven."
So, what are the rules? Well, that would be the teachings of Christ.
If you want to be a religiously observant Jew, then by all means, the scriptures the other user pointed you to are quiet correct, although still out of context, but if you, or in this case your son, want to "win" at Christianity, then people shouldn't encourage you to play by someone else's rulebook.
In all of this, I would ask you to remember one more thing: He is your son. He has come to you for guidance. be careful which way you encourage him from this point on. Whatever the result, it is on your head for the advice you will be giving him now.
I wish you all the best in this.
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If a 15 year old tells you they think they are bi, then they are young and confused and they trust you very deeply.
They might be gay. They might be straight. They might be bi. They might not know for sure for many years. It's not something they can 'decide', but something that will slowly be discovered. But at least they have the freedom to be honest about what it is they are thinking and feelings.
If you, as his mom, take a liberal and loving approach to his disclosure (and in the venues you can control as his mother also reduce or remove contact with people in his life who will be hateful), it's likely that he'll be able to begin to process the homophobia he encounters in healthy ways, rather than turning to self-hate and rejection.
I would never recommend to anyone any group that felt homosexuality was something to 'overcome' or that you can pray the gay away, but if he struggling to reconcile his own personal truth, with his faith, then you will find some guidance here:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
If you are looking to share biblical verses, you might try the ones below. Although the bible is taken as an authority on many topics, it should NOT be taken as a authority on sexual matters. When it comes to sexuality and respectful, honest sexual behavoir between adults, the bible is a deeply flawed source of guidance. Sometimes the very best way to get a grasp of everything, the good and bad, contained within an article of faith is to actually sit down and read the whole thing and consider what is actually being said. Consider these:
DEUTERONOMY 22:13-21
If it is discovered that a bride is not a virgin, the Bible demands that she be executed by stoning immediately.
LEVITICUS 18:19
The Bible forbids a married couple from having sexual intercourse during a woman's period. If they disobey, both shall be executed.
MARK 12:18-27
If a man dies childless, his widow is ordered by biblical law to have intercourse with each of his brothers in turn until she bears her deceased husband a male heir.
DEUTERONOMY 25:11-12
If a man gets into a fight with another man and his wife seeks to rescue her husband by grabbing the enemy's genitals, her hand shall be cut off and no pity shall be shown her.
Obviously, some of these are completely absurd, even downright evil suggestions, and they are at odds with other central commandments.
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check out this website....
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
They deal with issues like this. Click on the 'resources' tab to link to all kinds of articles, stories and testimonies written by people who have gone through this same situation. There is even support there for parents of gays or those struggling with same sex attraction, like your son is. And there are all types of bible references and testimonies that you can share with your son that will help assure him of God's love for him, no matter what his questions or struggles are. I promise, you WILL find something of value there, and so will your son. He is blessed to have such a caring and concerned mother.
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