|
Tacky, much, Ex-Boyfriend?
I had been going out with a guy for approximately two years, waaaaay back in 2009. For our one year anniversary, he gave me a beautiful gold ring with an emerald stone as a promise ring, for me to keep until we were ready to get hitched in the future. Well, basically, things didn't work out, and I gave him the ring back because I felt awkward. May I note, I wore this ring for an ENTIRE year. Religiously. I thought it was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen, back then. Anyways, he told me the next day that he was probably going to throw it into a river, and we never spoke of it since.
About one year ago, he got a new girlfriend, who just happened to be one of my best friends. Me and him attempted to be platonic friends, but it was impossible; he revealed after a few weeks that basically he couldn't stand me anymore and never wanted anything to do with me again. I obliged, and haven't spoken to him since that day.
Today, at school, I saw her talking animatedly about her one-year anniversary with this guy. Lo-and-behold, on her pointer finger, sat a gold ring with a green emerald stone. The same. Frigging. One.
I couldn't contain my emotions and walked off. I was so appalled by the fact that he had given my 'promise' ring (although it was pretty much void now) to a girl he claims to love more than life. I find this not only offensive to me, but a horrible way to treat my best friend, whom has been head over heels for this guy in ways that I can't even describe. She obviously has no idea that the ring used to be mine; she's under the impression that he bought it for her as a present.
Should I tell her that it was my ring? Or should I confront him about it? May I note, we have barely spoken in months, and he openly glares at me whenever I attempt to make eye contact. So communication will be ANYTHING but peaceful.
...help?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Let's try and strip the high emotions out of this - Let's say, for the sake of figuring this out, that your friend was dating some other guy (not your ex) who you didn't like, but didn't hate either, and that you found out that the ring she is fawning over for her one year anniversary is only worth 5 cents? It looks really convincing, but it's cheep as dirt.
Do you tell her? Or do you keep it to yourself?
There isn't necessarily a right and wrong answer here - what you have to think on is what is right in your friendship. What is consistent in the way you talk to each other and share with each other. Forget about him - if he didn't exist at all - how you would you address her?
Personally, I'm mostly with Ninja. If it were me and most of my closest friends, I'd do my best to keep my mouth shut. It would be hard, but it wouldn't be my place to accuse. I might honestly tell my friend that I think her boyfriend isn't nearly as awesome as she does, but I'd stay quiet on the ring. There are two exceptions tho - I have two friends who would want to know, no matter what - and who I know would believe me and know I wasn't acting out of malice. Them I would tell - not because they are my closest friends, they aren't - but because that is the nature of our friendship, and I feel I know where their values would lie in that sort of situation.
Yes, what he has done is offensive, and it's lousy and cheep and inappropriate. But you have to ask yourself if it's your place to be the Offensiveness Police in her relationship.
It's not about what it might look like, if you told. Or what people might think of you. It's about your friendship with her, and what the nature of that connection is.
Whatever you do, don't talk to him. He's nothing to you. Count your lucky stars and keep it that way.
]
I'm going to disagree with the other Advicenator on this one.
If you tell your friend, you're going to come across as not being over him. You will look like you're jealous of their relationship. Not saying that's how it is, but your friend will see it differently from an outside observer who isn't in the throes of young love.
The best possible thing you can do is suck it up and let her be happy for the moment. He's a jerk: he's proven that already. If it's not meant to be, things will fizzle between the two of them and you can tell her and laugh about what a colossal bag of dicks he is. If it does by some miracle work between them, you'll always be the one who tried to come between them. You know the phrase "don't shoot the messenger"? It happens. All the time. Even if she says she isn't upset with you for telling her, even if she THANKS you for telling her, you will be the one who took the shine off her beautiful, one-of-a-kind present. So let her have her happiness. For now. And be glad that you're not stuck with that dirtbag any more.
]
OMGosh! Yeah, that is sooooooo tacky! Wow. You should tell your friend. I think. I think I would want to know, even though it would hurt me at first. I mean, can you imagine how embarrassing it would be to have this beautiful ring and be showing it to friends and family, and the whole time its just recycled from the ex? Creepy. The issue is, how should you tell her? You don't want to come off as jealous. I agree that you have a right to feel hurt, even though its been over for a while. But you don't want that hurt to come across when you talk to her. Pick a time when you are together and nothing is going on. A time of peace. Just when you're hanging out or waiting for something. Then tell her, calmly, that you saw her ring and you weren't sure if she knew already, but her boyfriend gave that ring to you first, on your one year anniversary. Tell her you thought about it for a while, and hesitated to tell her because you didn't want to cause trouble, but the more you thought about it, the more you thought you'd want to know if it was you. be prepared for ANYTHING. She may blow up at you, she may cry, she may thank you. Whatever happens, its important that you don't react in anger. You can imagine this is going to be hard for her to hear. If she gets angry, back off and say you weren't trying to cause problems and apologize. Then leave it alone. Whatever she decides to do with the information, that's her business, even if she just wants to pretend she never heard it. No matter what, you can bet she'll be thinking about what you say for quite a while. And don't bother with the ex. Once you tell your friend he's gonna know, and hopefully he'll feel like the giant a-hole he sounds like he is. Let that be your revenge. Good luck.
]
More Questions: |