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My boyfriend's father....
My boyfriend lives with his mom in a basement because his dad was really mean to him and so they moved away from him. His dad lives in Florida and they live in virginia. His dad never talks to him like once on the phone every 3 months, and is very mean to him and calls him ugly and that he has no purpose in life and his father said the world would be a better place without him. It's really mean and Im always there for him and this christmas he gave his dad a christmas card. And his dad didn't even give him anything. He emailed the mom and said some really mean things that he was so grateful some other person gave him a christmas card and he didn't even mention my boyfriends card. He made fun of them and it was really mean. I don't remember it because i didn't read it. But the mom told me about it last night. I feel really bad for him. How can I help him and what should I tell my boyfriend? his mom and the man are still not divorced and she's going to divorce him sometime soon. He doesn't have a dad and his dad makes him feel terrible please help him.... :(
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Your boyfriend is being mentally abused by his father. Mental abuse is just as bad if not worse than being physically abused since the scars are not obvious to anyone.
There is an organization called RAINN which stands for; Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network. The Abuse they deal with I believe is more of the physical type but they are able to help with mental abuse as well. They operate a 24/7 hotline 1-800-656-HOPE as well as an online hotline: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location).
Both your boyfriends and his mother can call them for help. They will help them find professionals; Doctors, Lawyers whatever is needed to help them with getting past the abuse and away from the father/husband.
As I said this is a 24/7 operation you can call them no or go online with them.
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If a father is this mean to their child, he needs to open up and talk to someone about this. Maybe get him a journal to write all of his feelings down and then have him share it if he wants to. If a father treats their child this badly, then he should stay out of contact with him at all costs.
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In situations like this it's hard for you to do a lot to help him out. Just keep telling him that you're there for him and be that shoulder to cry on or that someone to listen to him. Just you being there caring for him, loving him and listening to him would mean the world to him.
It's so wonderful that you seem to be there for his mum to. That's so sweet of you. Just keep being the loving, caring person you are!
You could ask if he would like to go to a councellor or therapist to talk about his problems, and you could offer to go with him.
Unfortunatley, some people are just not great human beings. I think the best thing for him is to keep as much distance as possible from his verbally abusive father. Even though it must be so awful for him to avoid someone who is such an important aspect of his life, it might be necessary for his well being.
As for a father figure, what would you think about asking your dad or maybe an older brother to have a chat to your boyfriend? It might be a lot to ask of your dad, but even if he can't be the father figure that can take him out fishing and what not, it would be good for your boyfriend to know that there is someone like a father figure that he can talk to if he really needed to and even look up to.
Invite your boyfriend over for dinner, make him feel like a part of the family. Even invite his mum over now and then too. And don't let all of this fall into your hands. Talk to your mum or family about it and see if they have some advice or if there is something they would be willing to do to help.
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Well, his dad sounds like a dead beat dad... Tell him to disown his dad, its hard, I bet, but for a father to put his son down so badly, means his dad doesn't like himself, cares about no one other then his self and needs to be disown by his son... If you have a father and your boyfriend and you are in a serous relationship, maybe your father can be some what of a dad to him and if he's ever going to feel better about himself and have a better life, then he needs to let his father go, cause his father isn't worth it, have your boyfriend, maybe write his father or tell his father on the phone that he's done with him and tired of his criticism and don't care what he says anymore.... But little steps from your part will help him, he has to do it himself or he'll never feel good about himself....
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