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How can I get rid of my addiction?
I'm M/15. I have been addicted to porn for a while. It soon escalated to transexual porn. I feel like its making me anti social. I like girls but I don't talk to them as much as I used to. I feel like I'll never get a girlfriend. Stupid dam internet. Every time I finish mastrabating to it, I feel evil & disgraceful, & disgusted with myself. I have been able to go weeks before a relapse. I also realise that when I used to be with a girl, I would never even think about porn. When I do see a girl I know & like, I just say hi & walk on, I used to be able to talk & laugh, but this past year I've turned into a disgusting, lonely bastard with no life. Once I went about 3 weeks by sabotaging my internet connection, BUT ofcourse I relapsed. :( What have I become? Maybe a new year's resolution...
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Addictions are very common these days. We live in a world so full of tragedy and despair, all humans look for a way out or a relief. Don't make sex your outlet!
The fact you feel unclean after you masturbate shows that its unhealthy and damaging. I would recommend not only setting a goal of living a porn-free life, but also conquering the horrific habit of self-abuse.
Masturbation and pornography are your get-aways from reality. Living in fantasy will only weaken your defenses to combat real life issues. What will you do if you feel you can't defend yourself? Most addicts escape once more to their dream world- forming a vicious cycle.
Yet, young friend, there is hope. You can break that cycle! Many have done it successfully. You are fifteen. What a perfect opportunity to develop some skills and strategies that will benefit you from now on. Self-control; Self-restraint; Will-power; Courage.
I commend you for your three weeks of cleanliness. Twenty-one days is quite an achievement. Many addicts can't survive 20 minutes without a hit or drink. This convinces me that you have what it takes to overcome your personal demons.
God will help you, but only if your first help yourself. Make concrete changes now that will help you in your battle. Is your computer in your bedroom? Why not put it in a more public place of the house? You will feel less tempted to access porn if someone else responsible is around.
Have you ever written a journal? Try writing about the negative effects of your masturbation and porn-viewing. Write in it every day. Anything that triggers you or helps you, write it down. When you have a relapse, analyze what lead up to it. Omit no details. Be honest with yourself. This will help identify patterns of behavior that hurt you and those that help you.
Keep a record on a calendar of each day you remain clean. Every ten days reward yourself. When you have tempting thoughts or desires, don't just push them out of your mind. They will only back, and always stronger than before. Rather then trying to rid yourself of those desires, face them head on. Reason with your conscience. "If I do this, how will I feel after-wards? Is the guilt really worth it? But, if I don't, can't I count that as a triumph?"
There is an excellent website that has many suggestions about how to overcome sexual addictions. www.sexualcontrol.com
There you can download the book, The Most Personal Addiction, by Joe Zychilk.
I have confidence in you. You have already taken a first step- asking for help. You will win! Talk to your parents or a responsible adult about your secret. You may be surprised of their understanding and love. Relapses may occur. But they don't indicate failure. It just means you haven't reached the finished line yet. Keep running and you will succeed.
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I'm so glad Advicenator, Peeps, had the guts to more or less condemn your porn addiction, because I was beginning to think I was the only Advicenator who thinks porn can be a problem. I'm sure there are some people who look at internet porn on occassion, but it's my belief that porn can be addictive and can cause alot of problems in someone's life and relationships. Yes, the interenet has provided alot of beneficial and convenient things to our lives, but I honestly don't feel like porn is one of them. I'm also a little concerned that you're 15 and your parents don't have some kind of filter on the family computer. I'm sorry this has happened to you. Peeps has given you some really valuable suggestions. I truly hope you'll try some of them and realize that you don't need this crap and you can go on to have real relationships. Good luck.
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When anything has become an obsession or an addiction so much that your daily life has been altered and diminished then something needs to happen and change!
First off, YOU are ALLOWING yourself to do these things. You CAN make yourself stop doing this if you honestly put forth the effort. Addiction is hard but the first step is admitting that something is wrong with what you are doing. You are there. The next step is start making changes.
You should throw away all of your porn. THROW IT AWAY. Don't second guess or keep one or two things hidden from yourself. Completely get rid of it. The trash is sitting in the other room, most likely, so go shove your porn items in it and take it out to the trash bin and leave it alone from there. (In addition: This applies to going on your computer and completely deleting all pornographic material your have.) Spend your money on more useful things--even if that means giving people in need your own money, which is called charity (and we know God wants us to give more to others).
In regards to television and movies, watch for the rating beforehand. Do not sit down and put yourself in a situation where you will be seeing sexual contact, which may trigger your addiction. Check out the rating system for television broadcasts:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...and for movies:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Alter your lifestyle. If you spent 2 hours online looking at porn, block porn websites and images (child-safety block yourself just to help fight off urges) and try to lessen your time online. If you absolutely MUST be online then do not ALLOW yourself to stray from your work. This means if you need to get a paper done then only do the paper (and don't sign online), and if you need to research information for that paper then ONLY research that information and then disconnect.
If you're getting tempted then get up and take a break and do something to help others (or even pick up your Bible). It may also help to get down on your knees and pray to God, asking Him for strength to fight the urge for the moment and to lead you in the right direction.
Spend the time on God and His will that you had spent looking at porn. Become an active member in a church you believe is doing right. This may be helpful in finding that church:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location);
Spend your time doing these things listed in the Bible. Spend time at soup kitchens helping the hungry, volunteer at shelters, visit the elderly in homes so they're not as lonely (not everyone has visitors and just about everyone has neat stories to tell), read Bible passages to younger children, donate your time to what needs you, and do whatever you can with that time. There are so many things you SHOULD be doing with your time that you are neglecting because of your addiction.
If you STILL feel you need help because you think temptation is still going to get the best of you (which means you are not putting your time to GOOD use) then maybe you should look into some sort of therapy. There are therapy groups for a lots of varieties of addicts (seriously, you can Google up Porn-A-Holics Anonymous or Porn Addicts Anonymous and find some).
Next, you should start right now--not later, not tomorrow, not next week. Get up and make some calls to see see where you would be allowed to volunteer at a couple of nights a week. Find out when visiting hours are at nursing homes and hospitals. Get your information.
Make yourself useful.
Help others the way God wishes we all would.
Picking up the Bible and taking time to read it is also very wonderful so you may want to set aside time each night to read a bit. Any way it is, the time you spend looking at porn needs to be redirected to time you spend doing God's will.
This will be a tough path at first but you will definitely get the hang of it if you hold your ground. Don't give into temptation and disappoint God when he has big plans for you. He wants to see you in the Kingdom of Heaven.
I hope I've helped you kick your addiction; however, it's mostly up to you and how much effort you are willing to putting into discontinuing your previous activities. If you aren't honestly serious about kicking your habit then you aren't going to succeed so when you start this be serious and strict with yourself.
I wish you well and hope to see you answering questions here down the road, helping other people stop with their own porn addictions.
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