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SEX !!!!!!!!
Ok here's question that might be hard to answer .maybe not .my problem is trying to get my wife to want sex as much as I do .you see I have to initate everything .but I want her to be in the mood and just grab me ,rub me,kiss on me ,or anything to that matter .I want to be wanted in that way where she just can't keep her hands off me .I'm a verry atractve man .so what is the problem .iv talked to her about it but all she can say is I am atracted to you .but saying and doing is two different thing .sometimes I fell like a looser or failure because I fell so rejected .my sex life is just not there .anymore and I'm only 39 .sure I can spice it up and do different things but that doesn't get me what I want .sure lll get sex but not how I want it to be .like you see on the soaps hot seamy well you get the idea .it just doesn't happen she just lies there and let me do all the work .so what's the point in that anyways .so if anyone has a clue what I'm talking about or has been in my shoes please by all means give me some pointers of what. Can do
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I feel for you...im in the same boat only the gender is switched. I wish my boyfriend couldn't keep his hands off me. Im very sexual...would love sex everyday but my bf says it isn't possible for him. He says my sex drive is higher than his. Im tired of initiating sex all the time. I do everything possible to turn him on...sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. I too am considered a very attractive woman. If im in the mood and HE ISNT, im pretty much on my own no help from him. He says im selfish to keep asking if he isn't in the mood.
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Peeps has some good ideas, somethings for you to think about. You didn't say if you you had children and if your wife worked outside the home. I mention these things as they do have an effect on your love life.
For instance; If you have children, your wife will always be in the mom mode, listening for the children. A women can be very verbal during sex until the children come along then sex has to be quiet so as not to disturb or be overheard by the children.
Date night is a good way to over come this. Date night does not always have to be fancy dinners and expensive hotels. It can be burgers at a fast food place and a couple of hours at the no tell motel possibly like when you were dating.
Men's sexual desires increase with age as a woman's decrease with age. Sort of a miss match if you ask me. Usually comes right around menopause. If your wife is your same age she could be entering early stages of menopause.
If she works outside the home, has kids to raise, and take care of all the things around the house as well, she may be just to tired to enjoy sex, so she allows you your pleasure then goes to sleep when your done.
If this sounds like your house you can do one of two things. If affordable hire a cleaning service to take care of most of the house work. In the alternative ask your wife what house work she will trust you with. Put it just that way as if your wife is anything like mine she has a set way things are to be done and trust that I can only do some of them correctly. She may only ask you to change the beds and vacuum. Not hard tasks but means a lot to her.
As to getting your wife to be more dominate in your love life; that is something you two should have worked on when you first started having sex. I think your roles in the bedroom are set now. You can talk about it but up bringing, on her part, and her life role, may be to much to over come at this point.
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Maybe you should try to turn her on with some role playing or adult films. Sometimes, it takes time. Many women like to play hard to get so if you act patiently, she'll jump on you, literally! Hope this helps!
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Girls are more than visual. (This is why Soap Operas are a huge hit with the ladies ;) )
As in:
Men watch pornos with lots of ACTION. You want to SEE what is going on. You want to see the faces, the insertions, the fluids, and whatever else may be present in an adult film.
Women tend to go for storyline. They want the knight in shining armor first. They want personality with the erotic part. They want to know the characters a little more other than just their genital appearances. Sure, they want to see the action too--but they're more inclined to want to "know" the people better or have a lengthy, non-sexual scenario tied within the film.
You have to figure out what she wants. Does she want a knight in shining armor that will rescue her? Does she want a guy who is very romantic, bringing her flowers and leaving her love-notes in the morning? Does she just want to be dominated, controlled, and taken? What are her hidden fantasies? Sexual desires? Turn-ons? Chances are, there are some huge ones you're completely overlooking.
So, while she may look at you and think you're a handsome man, it doesn't mean she'll get all hot and bothered. You can be extremely attractive but an asshole--which kills the entire "mood" for many women. Personality is a lot of it.
If she wishes you were some prince charming then charm her. Surprise her with flowers often. Kissing on her neck and work her up a little. Leave her cutesy little love-notes on the bathroom mirror, pillow beside her in the morning, in the cereal bowl, or wherever you can find a spot before leaving for work. They can be as basic as can be too:
"I love you."
"I'm proud to be your husband."
"Good morning, Gorgeous."
"I'll be thinking of you today!"
"You're beautiful when you sleep."
"Thinking of you puts a smile on my face all day long."
"You're the woman of my dreams."
"Your smile lights up my life."
A lot of people forget about romance when they get married. They stop going out on special dates. They stop getting all dressed up for their partner.
Take her out and spend a super nice evening with her once every 2 or so weeks. Find a babysitter if you have children. Get all dressed up like you did when you were still dating. Take her somewhere really nice that she'll enjoy. Surprise her with the places, the movies, the romantic walks, and the date. Compliment her like you did when you were courting her. Have a few laughs and make it a just you-just her evening.
Many women also just want to be dominated. They're many women who are, naturally, just submissive. It's hard to get them to take control because it's out of their comfort zone. Usually to get this done you have to get her to open up, sexually, and express her deepest, darkest desires. You play on them a little. You work her up throughout the day. Talk dirty to her if she likes it (caution: some women REALLY hate that). You turn her on, bring her almost to orgasm, and then leave her hanging for a little more. You know your wife. You know how to communicate with her, surely. This isn't something someone can just make a guide to. You have to talk to her and work with things she enjoys, too.
Sometimes the woman does want to be more dominant but has been taught not to during childhood or is afraid of killing some part of a man's masculinity. It's possible you just have to bring out her wild side. You could start with something minor, like asking for her to be on top or for her to talk dirty to you.
Sometimes a kink can be developed together. Some people like sex in public, for example. While you might not want to jump in that right off the bat, you can say, "I was thinking of something really hot today..." and see if there is something you two can share. If she says, "Yeah...that sounds really delightful..." then you can test the waters a little together. For the public sex thing, this could mean a little press against a wall with a hot kiss or something. Get her into it as time progresses so that she is the one says, "CAN WE?! I HAVE AN IDEA! LET'S DO THAT!" Again, you know your wife and what she is -probably- into so you might want to base some "ideas" on that and talk with her about it.
Whatever it is, play on her desires. Get her all hot and heavy and leave it to her to push things forward. Don't be afraid to be playful. You're 39--you're not dead. Don't be demanding or disappointed if things don't go so great the first few times you get her frisky. It's new to her. She isn't a pro.
Start with some discussion. Communication is key to relationship happiness. Poke and prod her gently for her hidden desires, kinks, and fantasies. Share yours with her. Make her comfortable. Play on the fantasies a little, and it should encourage her to open up to yours.
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