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humorist-workshop
suicide no bs about how wrong it is just an honest answer
I have recently been diagnosed with personality disorder extreem. I have black outs. I hear voices. I see things that aren't real. I am violent in these states. I was recently arrested for trying to kill my mother because from wht I'm told. I was afraid tht she was trying to poison me and wasn't my mom. I don't respond well to the medication it makes me violently ill. I am lucid right now. Please i don't can't live like this its like the real sane me gets trapped deep inside and can't find a way out. Please I've tried all the treatments/meds. I just want out. Please no bullshit answer I need. To know
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Believe it or not, I've been where you are. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, OCD and anxiety early this year.
2 years ago, I wandered out into a huge snowstorm in the middle of the night without a coat because I was convinced that my fiance and psychiatrist were trying to kill me. They had to call the police to get me. I ended up being hospitalized for 2 weeks. I used to have blackouts, hallucinations and violent rages, and I've attempted suicide on several occasions, most recently last year around this time. So don't think I'm giving you self-righteous B.S.
You need to stay on your medication until you can get an appointment with your psychiatrist. If you stop taking it, that will make you feel even worse, because most medications for neurological conditions have terrible withdrawal side effects. Make notes as to what effects the medication is having on you and when. When you see your doctor, you have to tell them that it's making you feel ill. They may be able to combine with another medication, start you on another (there's no way you've taken every single option out there) or offer a way to help keep the one you're on from making you sick. If you're not happy with their advice, find another doctor who will listen to you.
If you feel that you are a danger to yourself or others, head to the emergency room, let them know and voluntarily commit yourself. I know it's a hard thing to do, but it can help you in ways you could never imagine. I did it, and it's why I'm here, giving you advice right now. You'll get round-the-clock supervision, a chance to rest and rebuild. I took DBT classes (dielectic behavioural therapy) while I was there to help me learn how to control my borderline disorder.
Suicide is not the answer. I know what you're dealing with, and I understand that you have to deal with it for life. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it will go away. But you know what? It does get better. Once you're on the right meds and have the right skills for coping, you will be able to live a relatively normal life, just like anyone with a disease does. Should someone with diabetes kill themselves? Not at all... even though diabetes can cause horrible symptoms, with proper treatment and monitoring you can live a happy, productive, long life.
If you need anything at all, feel free to inbox me.
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Please don't give up. As you say, you've recently been diagnosed. I suggest that you and your mom actively search for a sensitive and understanding pychiatrist who can design an effective plan of drug therapy for you. Just because one drug doesn't work or makes you sick doesn't mean that there isn't another drug available that won't have the severe side effects you've experienced. The mental health field has come a long way and is constantly improving ways to help those with mental health issues lead productive lives. Check with your local county mental health department. They're a good place to start and will point you in the right direction.
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