|
I found out my real family(Very Long)
When I was 9 my parents got divorced since then my biological dad(my mom has gotten remarried) has wanted nothing to do with me and neither did his parents. They would blame me and my mom's family for the mistakes they'd made and would try to tell me lies so since they've wanted nothing to do with me I haven't talked to them in almost 10 years. When I was about 14 or 15 I found out that my biological dad was adopted I tried for years to find out who they were all while trying not to have to contact him. Recently I found out that he knew exactly who he's real family was so I found out where he lived and sent him a letter hoping that he would find some kind of kindness in him to do it. He wrote saying I had to meet him and then he would give it to me and gave me his phone number 1) I didn't feel the least bit comfortable meeting him especially when the letter said I had to come alone and 2)Again in the letter he has decided to attack and blame and lie about me and my family and it was as low as he could have went and that made me angry and I almost didn't call him. But I've wanted this for years so I blocked my number sucked it up and called him I explained that I couldn't meet him and that I needed this information ASAP so over the phone he gave me what I've been searching for. He gave me the name and number of one of his real brothers(along with some family medical history and my real grandma's name!!). He said that this man was very nice and all I have to do is explain who I am. I know that this family has family of their own and I really would like to have a relationship with them but I don't want to be the person who pushes their way into the family I would like to be part of it if they let me. In additional I don't even know if my biological dad has even told them about me. What do I say when I call? I know the topic will come up one day what do I say about how his real brother has treated me I don't want them to dislike me and who knows what he's said to these people. Also my real dad wants to get to know me again but he put me through so much as a kid I don't want to repeat it so I'm not going to contact him again. Is it wrong that I don't want a relationship with my real dad but I want one with his real family? What questions should I ask his real brother? I never thought my real dad would do this I'm confused having this brand new family thrown at me never meeting them but knowing they are biological I know I asked for this but it is a little more stressful than I thought it would be.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I understand how you feel and understand your need to meet your fathers biological family.
I would suggest that instead of calling them you use their phone number to find their address. You do this through the use of a reverse directory, which can be found on the web by typing "reverse directory" into a search engine.
Telephones are very intrusive. You will be catching the person on the other very much off guard by calling. Instead of calling I am going to suggest that once you have their address you write to them. You start your letter by saying "I am the daughter of ______, while at this time we are estranged I recently found out that my father was adopted and that you are his biological _______." You can take it for there telling whatever you want them to know about you and your relationship with your dad should you want to include it. Include all your contact information such as return address, phone number and Email address.
By writing to then you are not dropping a bomb shell in someones lap as a phone call would do. A letter gives them time to absorb the information you provided. If you have not heard from them after a week you can do one of two things. You can take this to mean they do not want to have any contact with you; or you can now call them to ask if they received your letter.
Should decide to make the follow up call when they answer, introduce yourself and say you are calling to see if they had received your letter. If they say yes and then there is that pregnant pause where no further conversation from them ensues, just say "well I was just checking to make sure I mailed it correctly and I apologize if I disturbed you,I'll be hanging up now". Then hang up the phone.
The pregnant pause in the call tells you they were not yet prepared to talk to you. You confirmed that your letter arrived so now all you can do is wait for them to contact you.
good luck
]
More Questions: |