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my life is out of control
18/f
i really need advice/support/someone to talk to..
i really feel like my life is getting out of control. i hate who i've become. i used to be this really nice shy girl who cares about everybody's feelings and i was just overall a nice person. a lot of people liked me because i was so nice. but now i just feel like i'm losing control of my life. i'm not influence with drugs or alcohol. (i'm not that stupid) but i feel like lately i've been so unfair and un-loyal to people. i've lost about 20 people in my life. they walked out of my life because they said i was too much drama and they couldn't handle me in their lives and they were better off without me there.
the first few times people left me were hard.. i didnt know what i did wrong and i was devastated. but then after about 10-15 people left i got used to it and realized they were being stupid. but then something major happened this past week.. my ex boyfriend wanted to get back with me (while i was still with my current bf) and a huge drama fest broke out. they fought over me and made me pick in between them. for a few days i kept switching my mind and i know that was a bad mistake. finally today i made my decision to stick with my current bf. my ex was devastated and started to tell me that karma will kick my ass one day and that i'm a hurtful person. he said i dragged his heart and ran over it with a tank. that made me cry and i realized that its not just a coincidence.. so many people have walked out on my life and i realize its all because of me and how i treated them. my boyfriends friends hate me because they heard how unfair i was treating my bf (by comparing him to my ex and not deciding who i wanted). my bff told me that i was a horrible person because i treat people badly and dont think about how others feel. and just so many other things happened in my life that makes me realize how horrible i am.. like for example- i lost a good girl friend because i thought she was just using me and didnt really care about me. another time i lost a guy friend because i told him i really cared about him but he wanted more and it just fell apart because we wanted different things.
my parents tell me i'm such a good kid but i honestly dont see how they and other friends can look at me and think i'm a great person... i admit it- i treat people like crap. i'm unfair towards people and say things i dont really mean. i've been crying for the past 2 hours because i feel like i'm literally losing control of my life. i wish i could just start everything over and forget about all of my mistakes.
i just really need advice on what to do. i've tried talking to close people about how i feel but they keep getting mad at me because i "dont realize how important i am" but i honestly dont think i'm that important. i feel like if i was gone tomorrow, nothing would change in life. yeah my parents would be sad (which is why i promised myself i wouldn't commit suicide) but i feel like all of my other friends wouldnt even notice me gone.. they would probably be happy to have me gone because i cause so much drama. but the thing is.. i dont purposely try to cause drama... it just happens...
another thing- sometimes i realize that i cause drama, and i back off. i try to fix it by backing off and just letting things happen naturally. but everytime i do that i get b*tched at by other people because i'm not "giving effort in life". its like- if i try in life, everything just gets worse. but if i dont try- people think i'm lazy and dont care.
i really dont know what to do anymore.. i'm losing control of my life and i'm hurting people that mean so much to me (unintentionally). how do i get back on track and just start over? or make myself feel better? just please... any type of advice? i know this is probably very long and you might feel annoyed and not want to answer.. but even if its just a small answer, i will be grateful for anyone who is listening right now.. i'm just so upset with my life and i want to change but everytime i try to change, it just gets worse. please help :(
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It is clear that you have been brought straight back down to Earth as you have all of a sudden been struck with this heart-wrenching guilt.
You must take all of these negative emotions and turn them into something positive. Confront the people that you have hurt in the past and give them all a sincere apology. They may or may not accept it, and this is something which is beyond your control. Once you have done everything you can to justify your actions, you must start focussing on yourself. You are unhappy and struggling to find peace in your life right now. Perhaps being surrounded by so many people is a burden for you. It is always more likely that drama will occur in a large group of friends, so right now perhaps being around so many people isn't doing you any favours. Forgive yourself, sweetheart. You are only human. We all make mistakes but there's no room for regrets. Once you have apologised, move on with your life and start over. It is a new year; use this time to discover what makes you happy.
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Your life is full of drama. You are causing it. Your friends are causing it. It sounds like you are saying, I don't want drama in my life anymore. Right? Do you want the drama to stop?
If so, I'd take a close look at you friends. See who is causing the most drama. See who you enjoy being with the most. You really don't need a lot of friends to be happy. In fact, I think you are finding that you have a lot of "friends" and you are very unhappy.
My advice is to have fewer friends. You don't have to be mean to people, but find the ones that you enjoy being around the most and do things with them that make all of you enjoy life.
Don't get caught up in a popularity contest. You sound like you are very popular, but very very unhappy. Is the popularity making you happy? I does not sound like.
Find what truly makes you happy. Find what makes you go to be smiling and wake up smiling. Focus on those things instead of on this popularity contest.
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This is a hard, unfortunate situation. You really need to talk to someone. Preferably, someone who is not biost to this probelm.
If you EVER need to talk, I am ALWAYS here. Just inbox me. However, if you would prefer a professional there is always the school cousnellor, or any cousnellor for that matter.
To fix this probelm, it may take awhile as you can't rush it. Like they say "take baby steps". You may want to just fix it and get on with your life, but if you want to fix it once and for all, you have to take time.
If your friends are going to leave you in a time of need, don't worry about them. TRUE friends will ALWAYS stay with you. Your friends should realise that you weren't being yourself and tried to help you. Perhaps, finding a nicer, positiver group of friends who you know will always help you and put a smile on your face :)
Don't feel afraid to inbox me if you ever need anyone to talk to. I will alway be here :)
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First of all, it seems like from this question, you chose guy B, which is what I would have suggested you do, because it seems like he's more emotionally stable and able to be there for you, which, guy A, seems like he can't do. It seems like guy A would always be bringing you down into his issues, and you don't need a relationship with someone who will be bringing you down, you need a relationship with someone who will bring you up and support you.
Now, onto this question. First, some advice, a lot of people on here don't like reading long questions and just skip over them, so in order to get a wide variety of answers, it helps to shorten your question. Sometimes, it seems like your life is spinning out of control. It happens to all of us. One bad thing happens, then another bad thing happens, then another, and soon, it seems like everything in your life is messed up beyond repair. The important thing is to take a step back and look at each problem individually. If you look at all the problems surrounding you at once, it seems too much to handle. But if you take them one at a time, they become much more manageable.
The most important thing is positivity. I've found that if you're surrounded by negative people, your mind is full of negative thoughts, and you're constantly making stressful decisions, you'll just end up giving yourself an ulcer. However, if you think positively, surround yourself with optimistic people, and open up to the possibilities around you, good things will happen.
You will get through this, just be your best self.
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