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Female, Age 37 - PTSD, Agorophobia, Losing my Life; Can you Help?
My story is too long to fit in this message, so I can't explain the reasons WHY I've fallen into this, but I can describe where "this" is. What this is.
I'll try to keep it short but I have trouble with that, because I type like I talk - it just comes out. So I'll try.
I have PTSD and Agorophobia. I have scoliosis, sciatica, and cervical facet syndrome. I am in pain all the time, and I'm afraid to leave my bedroom.
I mother my children from here. They're good kids - I'm doing ok there. But I'm losing my job. I'm a contractor and work from home. I can't go to the office. They still give me work, but it's intermittant. When I don't have work - I don't get paid. The work is dwindling.
My medication for the pain is $600 a month. I can't get help with it because I made too much last year. My husband is a disabled Vet in the middle of his VA claim; he cannot work. He cleans and my 17 year old cooks. I can rarely leave the house without panic attacks. I was on Cymbalta for three months but it did no good. I went to three appointments with a sliding scale clinic - but if you miss two appointments they won't see you anymore, and I missed two. One of them I'd just gotten the time wrong. But I don't think they understand what a monumental effort it was to just go OUT the door, get in the car, and go INTO the office, to go to the appointment. It's horrible. They diagnosed me before I missed the second appt; but now I don't have anywhere to get help.
I don't have insurance so can't do anything more about the sciatica, scoliosis, and cervical facet syndrome. Or maybe disorder - not sure what it's called. I'd gotten shots that helped about a year ago, but they've worn off, and with no insurance I can't get more. I see a pain management person and the meds are 600 a month. With my job dwindling I don't know how I can keep taking them. If I stop I'll go into withdrawals.
I am on Suboxone because I had been on vicodin from 1998 to 2005, but in Jan 2006 a whole lot of stuff began to happen. All that happened is why I have PTSD. I lost my control over the meds and started hurting more - and taking more - until about a year ago they took me off of them and put me on Suboxone. It helps some, but not much. It seems to be rotting my teeth. And no insurance. And job dwindling.
I can't cook dinner for my family. I can't take my kids to the movies, or go to their school festivals, I can't even leave the house most of the time; when I do I have to take a cane, because if I start hurting I need it to walk. I think I should try to get my social security disabilty - but I've always stood on my own two feet and taken care of myself and my family, and I just can't accept that I'm not able to anymore.
I just got over another panic attack from taking my fourth grader to school and having to wait for a line of cars to go by before I could turn. I felt like everyone who went by was staring at me. I felt like I was made of cracked stained glass.
I hope someone out there can help. Maybe a professional. I don't know what to do anymore.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
:) i felt you needed a smile.
I would like to state that no, I have no idea how rough or deep and dark your life may seem to you right now all I know is that no ones problems are bigger than any one else's and right now you should cut yourself some slack.
Sit back, drink a cup of tea put your favourite song on and for those few minutes just be - forget about who you are supposed to be and what your supposed to do - just become blank for 5mins.
now, I'm not a professional but, I have seen my fair share of mental disorders and thankfully i can say i overcame them all.
like i say no ones problems are greater than any one else's make peace with the "hand you have been dealt" thats the first step. owning your life as it is right now. yes. this is you.
now, take a step back and say I want a different outcome. its hard and torturous and hurts like hell but, if its what you want you will make it happen at any cost - you owe it to you and your family.
I might suggest the first step be that you tackle one problem at a time - to me this sounds like the greatest hindrance you have right now is your PTSD/Panic attacks.
I have no idea what exactly hurt you but, I think you should find the strength inside (i know you have it because you came here) and go find your self a great professional counsellor one who specialises in PTSD
Be truthful and honest, be so honest that it hurts you ... it sounds rough and yes, it will be but matters of the mind and heart should never be sugar coated.
feel every moment of every day! feel all the pain.
cry, laugh, scream, cuss, freak out, laugh whatever it is your feeling do it and act it out. its scary but very liberating, the cracks start to show when you become numb and apathetic.
say "Yes, I got a bad set of cards and my life sucks right now" then sit for a few minutes and feel sorry for yourself cry and ask why me BUT, do not linger in that place once you have let yourself be sad sit up and smile and say ok - thats me but, i deserve better i will make it different!
I know you can do it. i hear so much strength (perhaps stubbornness too) in your letter i just need you to come to your own party :)
I felt you needed a kind pep talk today ... I would love you to email me and we can chat more about this - I'm very willing and eager to help out!
Peace, Love and Daffodils,
Seattle Daffodil xox
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Hi I am 19 I have 2 kids Im married I want to go to college but I cant afford it. I started having panic attacks. I learned you have to get your mind off whats bothering you. On yahoo.com there are games its a card game called pyrmid and it helps me because im saying the numbers in my head i just focus on the numbers. I take 20 mg of celexa for my depression and my post dramtic stress. I have something wrong with my stumouch and the doctors just cant figure it out i have had so many tests run. Sometimes I hurt so bad I just want to scream and cry and hope everything goes away but it doesnt. I finally have another ultra sound im waiting for my insurance to apporove it. Social security is there to help people and obviously you need help so apply for it and take it. take there insurence my dad lives off social security
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