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My story is too long to fit in this message, so I can't explain the reasons WHY I've fallen into this, but I can describe where "this" is. What this is.
I'll try to keep it short but I have trouble with that, because I type like I talk - it just comes out. So I'll try.
I have PTSD and Agorophobia. I have scoliosis, sciatica, and cervical facet syndrome. I am in pain all the time, and I'm afraid to leave my bedroom.
I mother my children from here. They're good kids - I'm doing ok there. But I'm losing my job. I'm a contractor and work from home. I can't go to the office. They still give me work, but it's intermittant. When I don't have work - I don't get paid. The work is dwindling.
My medication for the pain is $600 a month. I can't get help with it because I made too much last year. My husband is a disabled Vet in the middle of his VA claim; he cannot work. He cleans and my 17 year old cooks. I can rarely leave the house without panic attacks. I was on Cymbalta for three months but it did no good. I went to three appointments with a sliding scale clinic - but if you miss two appointments they won't see you anymore, and I missed two. One of them I'd just gotten the time wrong. But I don't think they understand what a monumental effort it was to just go OUT the door, get in the car, and go INTO the office, to go to the appointment. It's horrible. They diagnosed me before I missed the second appt; but now I don't have anywhere to get help.
I don't have insurance so can't do anything more about the sciatica, scoliosis, and cervical facet syndrome. Or maybe disorder - not sure what it's called. I'd gotten shots that helped about a year ago, but they've worn off, and with no insurance I can't get more. I see a pain management person and the meds are 600 a month. With my job dwindling I don't know how I can keep taking them. If I stop I'll go into withdrawals.
I am on Suboxone because I had been on vicodin from 1998 to 2005, but in Jan 2006 a whole lot of stuff began to happen. All that happened is why I have PTSD. I lost my control over the meds and started hurting more - and taking more - until about a year ago they took me off of them and put me on Suboxone. It helps some, but not much. It seems to be rotting my teeth. And no insurance. And job dwindling.
I can't cook dinner for my family. I can't take my kids to the movies, or go to their school festivals, I can't even leave the house most of the time; when I do I have to take a cane, because if I start hurting I need it to walk. I think I should try to get my social security disabilty - but I've always stood on my own two feet and taken care of myself and my family, and I just can't accept that I'm not able to anymore.
I just got over another panic attack from taking my fourth grader to school and having to wait for a line of cars to go by before I could turn. I felt like everyone who went by was staring at me. I felt like I was made of cracked stained glass.
I hope someone out there can help. Maybe a professional. I don't know what to do anymore. (link)
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:) i felt you needed a smile.
I would like to state that no, I have no idea how rough or deep and dark your life may seem to you right now all I know is that no ones problems are bigger than any one else's and right now you should cut yourself some slack.
Sit back, drink a cup of tea put your favourite song on and for those few minutes just be - forget about who you are supposed to be and what your supposed to do - just become blank for 5mins.
now, I'm not a professional but, I have seen my fair share of mental disorders and thankfully i can say i overcame them all.
like i say no ones problems are greater than any one else's make peace with the "hand you have been dealt" thats the first step. owning your life as it is right now. yes. this is you.
now, take a step back and say I want a different outcome. its hard and torturous and hurts like hell but, if its what you want you will make it happen at any cost - you owe it to you and your family.
I might suggest the first step be that you tackle one problem at a time - to me this sounds like the greatest hindrance you have right now is your PTSD/Panic attacks.
I have no idea what exactly hurt you but, I think you should find the strength inside (i know you have it because you came here) and go find your self a great professional counsellor one who specialises in PTSD
Be truthful and honest, be so honest that it hurts you ... it sounds rough and yes, it will be but matters of the mind and heart should never be sugar coated.
feel every moment of every day! feel all the pain.
cry, laugh, scream, cuss, freak out, laugh whatever it is your feeling do it and act it out. its scary but very liberating, the cracks start to show when you become numb and apathetic.
say "Yes, I got a bad set of cards and my life sucks right now" then sit for a few minutes and feel sorry for yourself cry and ask why me BUT, do not linger in that place once you have let yourself be sad sit up and smile and say ok - thats me but, i deserve better i will make it different!
I know you can do it. i hear so much strength (perhaps stubbornness too) in your letter i just need you to come to your own party :)
I felt you needed a kind pep talk today ... I would love you to email me and we can chat more about this - I'm very willing and eager to help out!
Peace, Love and Daffodils,
Seattle Daffodil xox
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19/F
I've had sex 3 times now and the first time, I bled, a lot. But I blew it off as me losing my virginity so it was "normal". The second time, I bled a little bit, but nothing too tragic, so I assumed that meant it was gonna get better as I had sex more often. Well, the third time was a re enactment of the first time. I bled. A lot. What's up with that? Why? Am I gonna have to worry everytime about "Omg, am I gonna bleed this time?" I'm convinced my vagina is defective. lol (link)
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lets assume your using contraceptives (PLEASE!)
if your on the pill, it does have some side affects one being a slight decrease in sex drives, for woman this is a biggy we are very tender beings and our bodies are very intricately built if we are not fully aroused not every one will come to the party ... if you catch my drift?
you dont give much more info but do you still experience a slight discomfort? im almost certain its an arousal problem.
Try lingering in the foreplay action a little bit longer trust me it makes it more worthwhile for BOTH partners.
try use some lube too but, remember if using a condom stick to water based ones as the oil based ones can break down the silicone bonds and cause it to possibly tare.
and now for the "motherly" disclaimer - if you feel you are responsible and grown up enough to have sex you must go see your gynaecologist and get those pap smears done annually and if your not on the pill get on it and remember - no glove no love! be smart about it!
Peace,
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i'm a senior in high school and i hate all of my friends. they are all huge back stabbers, their boring, and i'm just so sick of it. i even tried to graduate early, but i couldn't because i'd have to take a night class and missed it. i don't know what to do, how can i make senior year more enjoyable? :( (link)
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well, first off - congrats in making it so far in your high school career - that alone deserves some props! *claps hands*
as for the friendship troubles - i hate to say it but, dear, such is life. A big ball of creatures. some great some ... a little questionable. thing is friendship and friends are hard work, i still struggle with this to this day - my advice is to keep them at arms length and hold on to the ones with a flicker of hope. if no one steps up to the plate broaden your horizon and you might be surprised as to who comes along for the ride.
"those who mind, don't matter, and those who matter don't mind"
just know who you are and what you believe in, its not easy honey but, nothing worth fighting for is!
in hindsight i can honestly say I'm thankful for the hardships of the purgatory they call high school. with out the mud slinging and the name calling and the back stabbing i would not be as strong of will, as stubborn and and hard working as i am.
i find giving back in the area where you feel most "empty" or unsatisfied in satiate that feeling very well. for example you could try volunteer at a community centre or sign up to be a big brother/sister help younger kids accomplish what you have so far be there for them and show them what loyalty is!
Stay cool honey!
Let me know how it pans out.
peace,
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