|
how to stop feelign ashamed
i have been getting drunk and "sluttying" it out for a week and i really didnt know my limits. i thought it was all fun and no consequenes.
the other night i got drunk and ended up getting with this boy who has a very serious girlfriend.
it was mutual no one forced the other one, then midway thorugh our hookup his friends came in a stopped it becasue they knew hed regrett it and everything.
and i ran out covering my fave shamefully.
i woke up the next mornign feelign awful.
my friend bumped into the boy and boy was so mean. said make sure she doesnt tell a soul no one oculd ifnd out. she forced herself on me. i didnt enjoy it etc.
i am so mordified and i just feel so ashamed.
i am DONE doing that i really am changing. i am quitting drinkign and the next boy i kiss will be on a legit care about.
just i cant stop feeling bad about myself because of this boy.
i do not have feelings for him but he just dispizes me so much and hates me and make sup that i forced myself on me that i just ahte myself so much and i really just want to go away.
how do i move on from this?
(this is really coming from a serious place this question, if your going to say stop being a slut dont bother- i know i did stupid things and i know i was very whore-ish and thats why im seeking advice)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You fucked up.
You also appear to have learned from it, and have set coherent limits on yourself with "I am quitting drinking and the next boy..." stuff.
I mean, at this point, it's just human. You're young, and young people do stupid shit. You should be thankful that you're not posting about STDs or pregnancy like five or six other questions we get on this website daily.
Yeah, he hates you. You're even intelligent enough to realize that he hates you purely because you represent a mistake he made, not because you actually did anything to him.
I'd confront him. Look him in the eye and tell him "You keep your mouth shut, so will I. You wish it didn't happen and now you've made me wish it never happened either. I'd rather not think about or deal with this anymore. I think you feel the same way. So I'll tell the friends I have who know to shut the hell up, you tell your friends and everyone to shut the hell up, and we can both go about our lives with everyone shut the hell up and forget this ever happened"
Even if he reacts badly, being faced with you wanting to just put shit behind you and not wanting any more drama than he does might wake him up and make him drop it.
Get him to shut up and you'll get over it. Every time you think "I hate myself" remind yourself "But I'm not doing shit like that anymore". Teenage years are a period of constant redefinition of self. Everyone does shit they're not proud of, everyone has to try to learn from it, and everyone is expected to eventually stop hating themselves for mistakes they've made in the past and learned from.
]
You should postpone your "sluttying" for one night and reward his good friends.
After that, just don't tell anyone, ignore him, ignore the friends, and move on with your life.
]
First of all if this guy has nothing to hide then he wouldn't be telling you not to say anything. He doesn't actually despise you, he despises what he has done because he was wrong. He wasnt that drunk because he still was able to have sex, and obviously you weren't forcing him to do anything, because it was his friends who ended it. Nobody is actually going to believe you took advantage of him in this situation unless they want to delude themselves.
You can't change what has happened, but you can change your attitude about it. The only thing that you have to be embarrassed about was a random hook up, you don't have to be embarrassed that he says you forced yourself on him because you didn't. Rumors do hurt, but i am betting you he's not telling everyone that, and if he did nobody would believe it.
My advice is that you stick to what your saying and try not to get drunk and hook up. You'll get over your embarrassment soon enough. This guy sounds like an ass and a coward. Plus he is a bad boyfriend. He has more to be ashamed of then you do.
Hold your head up high. A lot of girls make the drunken hook up mistake and the only thing to do is learn from it and try not to repeat it.
Good luck.
]
Take a deep breath and call it a learning experience.
Sometimes embaressment is a good lesson. In your case, it looks like it might help you find some healthier bounderies.
Thats the first way you help yourself get past this: Recongize it for the lucky event that it was. The lucky event that will help you be a better, happier, nicer person in the future.
The second way you move on from this by realizing this guy is an asshole.
You didn't rape him. You probably didn't even force yourself on him. That's just the story he is telling others, himself and maybe even his girlfriend, to excuse his part in it.
It's low, it's cheep, and it's mean.
He doesn't hate YOU. He hates what happened, and in order to avoid taking any responsibility himself, he has decided to place all the blame on you.
He's wrong and he is being an asshole.
Stay away from him. If other people bring it up with you, tell them the truth: That it was a mistake and you regret it. But it was a mistake you both made. You didn't force yourself on him, and he didn't force himself on you and he is being a cowardly pussy trying to make it all your fault when it isn't.
It's gonna hurt for a while and that's okay. When we make mistakes it does hurt. But just because you made a mistake doesn't mean you can't stand up agianst his bullying and lying or that you have to feel extra bad because he's being a scum bag.
Your job is take responsibility for your own actions and try to do better. I hope you can do it. I believe you can.
Hopefully, someday he'll do the same.
]
Ok, first off: props on knowing that you were, indeed, in a slutty position. Proud of you for that.
As for your help? You just need to move on. This guy is a jerk. He DOES NOT deserve your time. If he goes around trying to destroy your reputation, remind him that he wanted it, too, and his girlfriend would definately get doubtful if it were to be brought up. To make yourself feel better, there is nothing better than to hang out with friends that care about you. This will cheer you up. Then, when you're alone, don't let the voices tell you that you're a slut. You are what you choose to be. If you tell yourself you're a slut, then you are a slut. If you tell yourself that you are better than that, that you deserve better, then you really do. Don't allow other people to decide who you are. The only person who's opinion matters is yours, anyways. If someone is going to try and bring you down, or they don't except you for who you are, then they are not worth your time or energy. And allowing yourself to feel ashamed is letting them have all of that.
Keep in mind that I am not, in any way, telling you to forget what happened. Just the opposite. If you forget this whole 'incident' then you really are stupid and you need to get help. You need to forgive yourself for making a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone deserves to be forgiven for them. That is all this is: a mistake. Granted, it has some major reprecussions, but it is still a mistake that you should learn from and move on from. Accept it as part of your past and something that you will not go back to. Once you do that, you will be able to stop feeling ashamed for a mistake that you made. I wish you luck. It sounds like crap, and I really hope you take my advice. Remember: friends and self-thought!
]
More Questions: |