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Opening up
My names Megan and I'm 18 years old. I'm in love with a boy who's the same age. We've been friends for two years, and we just started dating three months ago. I love the boy to death. Just.. lately I feel so distance. I don't know if its because it seems like he doesn't try as hard as I do or not. Almost every night I send him something sweet.. or something meaningful. The other night I sent him a paragraph of how much I wanted to be with him and admire him. He didn't respond. He claimed he didn't have the time to respond, which is understandable because he had a lot of plans that day. But, its happened numerous times. I asked him already if I do it too much, and he claims I don't and that he loves it. I threw him a suprise birthday party, bought him a kitten, wrote poetry for him, ect. I do anything for him, but not overly. I just.. I don't feel appreciated. All that I'd want is him to give me something small.. even if it were plastic. Hell, he wouldn't even need to buy it.. I just want proof he's trying. I can't explain it enough how trapped I feel. I feel like if I bring it up he'll take it offensively. So someone, can you please give me direction?
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Ok i hope this helps you schould try to make plans with HIM so you can have time with just him and you so u could talk an stuff like a dinner date or to go to a movie somthing like that and when the time comes you just ask shyly why he doesnt have enough time for you mabye you could help him reorganize his scudual so you and him have time to talk and do othr stuff hope this helped
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First things first you have to be honest with yourself. Only both of you guys know whats going on in the relationship. Your going all out for him sending him messages throwing party when as a guy he should be doing that for you espically if you treat him good. He has to realize that your not just going to keep doing things for him and he does nothing back. Maybe you are over doing it and guys feel when they have it they dont have to work for it. Here is my advice talk to him and let him know i feel unappricated i am your girlfriend and your my boyfriend i have needs just as well as you do and if you cant handle that i think we need to test the waters. If a guy is not doing anything for you or showing you how special you are to him than you need to stop being so nice. I know it's hard but you dont want to be use. A guy should always love you more than you love him remember that
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Bring it up, and risk him being offended.
It's either that, or keep being miserable.
But when you talk him consider these thoughts:
You are doing all the work.
Right now you are doing the all emotional heavy lifting for him. It's a bit like telling someone "Clean up the apartment!" five minutes after you scrubbed it from ceiling to floor. They'll look around and say "Clean what exactly?"
Sometimes, if you find yourself doing ALL the work, you have the let the apartment get dirty for a while, before someone else will notice that it needs attention and clean it up.
Your boyfriend might want to be very close to you, but like the apartment which can only be so clean, it can often feel like a couple can only be so close. If you are doing ALL the work to maintain the closeness of your relationship, he might be at loss of what he might do to add to it.
And you are doing a HELL of a lot of work.
He’s not you and he can’t read your mind. You also can’t read his.
He isn’t going to show you he cares in the same way you might want him too. But he probably does still do things to show you. He also might genuinely not value the thing you do for him, and that’s’ okay. For example, I dated a boy who made my bed when he stayed over, and folded my towels. This was part of how he showed me he cared – only I never noticed. I hate a made bed and the towels get hung up in the bathroom, not folded. In fact his behaviour annoyed me some times. But I had to remember that the things he did to show he cared weren’t necessarily the things that made me feel cared for.
Ask your boyfriend what he thinks he does – maybe you are missing things, or he is wasting his time on things you think are unimportant.
How much is too much?
A text message almost every night before bed? That’s too much. That would be appropriate for your infant son or daughter, but not for your teenage boyfriend.
You said you think aren’t being ‘too overly’. I want you to seriously consider this:
The first and best hint that YOU are doing something wrong is YOUR OWN unhappiness.
After saying all of that, you should still tell your boyfriend you are feeling unappreciated. He should know and he’s probably got some work to do. But it’s something you need to both work on together, not just something he needs to change for you. You need to meet in the middle and understand eachothers wants and needs better.
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