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the story I can't tell
I have a deep need to write about what my life was like and how I felt when I was a kid. I have kept diaries and journal-ed a lot and this compilation of my history is something I want to put down. I know it is theraputic and self-expanding and difficult at time to do this but I am even more afraid that if I am honest and the deeper parts of my childhood that were unhappy at best, will really upset my mother. It sometimes makes me feel paralyzed and I freeze on the spot hearing her voice saying "Why are you telling that? Must you bring up these things and betray me like this? How dare you.". I know good writers plow through and I suppose just have to decide to not care one whit what anybody thinks about what they write, they will write it no matter what. It takes great courage. My mother would tell me that I am not a respectful daughter...she'll freeze me out and our relationship would be damaged. Great options. Advise please because the more I ignore it the stronger the pull...something is telling me I must do this. UGH.
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A writer will write what they need to despite the fact it will make others uncomfortable.
My advice is that it sounds like you have a lot on your plate to write about. I would suggest... writing it. But not showing it to anyone yet. Put it down on paper, get it out.. then put it away for about 6 months. Then... read it and begin to edit it. You will be suprised how much you feel you should change on just not seeing it in 6 months and what seems better. Then put it away again.. work on other projects... then do it again after a month or two.
It may take a couple of edits and at least a year, but when it is ready to be shared, you will have a great story that is intelligent, well written, and if it makes someone uncomfortable, at least it made others think.
In other words, don't worry about it now, make you art for your sake, and deal with the outcome when it's time. You'll be surprised how mature you can be and how people will be around you when they respect your story.
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Try to push those voices away and keep writing. For now, no one else is going to see this, so you have time before you'd have to deal with your mom. Just concentrate on your story and cross that bridge when you get there.
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