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My long-engaged cousin just picked a wedding date-- too close to mine
SO-- my boyfriend and I have been together five years and plan on marrying. We're not yet engaged, but we know that the timeline is so sensitive with us-- he starts medical school in August, and I want to be a newlywed with him for at least a month before school starts, and both of us have leases that end July 1st. Clearly, a perfect wedding date would be late June or early July. Sooner than that would put us living in my crappy apartment (with my roommate) for our first month of married life before we can move to campus, and later than June would put our wedding too close to the first day of school. I want a long honeymoon and time to settle into a new home with my new husband. So we'll get engaged in December, have 6 months to plan, and marry late June or early July. Perfect, right?
NOT-- I just found out that my cousin (who has been engaged for 6 months already) just set his date for early July. We both share a huge Wisconsin-based family who don't have a lot of money. Their wedding is in Nebraska; mine would be in North Carolina. I feel terrible asking my family to spend the time and money to travel to my wedding as well as theirs, plus isn't it rude to get engaged after someone and set your date right before theirs?
What should I do?
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I may have read this incorrectly but you stated you aren't even engaged. I don't think you can really expect people who are actually engaged to avoid the most popular couple of months to marry just because you "might" marry then. I would imagine, since you have a big family and "engaged" people in that family, you would have gotten officially engaged and picked a date if the timing was that crucial. I'm not sure why you would withhold from your family if you knew you had a date set? Usually planning wedding involves lots of input from family, especially if it's out of town. I'd get officially engaged first before you bring it up or it might just come of petty.
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Talk to some key members of your family. Everyone has some people in their family who 'call the shots'. In my family, it's my great aunt and my mother. If they say "This is how it's going down." then that is what happens.
Tell them about your dilemma and ask for their help and advice. They might say 'Screw it. It's a wedding. Our family isn't so improvised they can't make it to a wedding." or they may say "Yes. That is too much to expect for some people, and it would be rude to take a date before your cousins."
Think about the two or three people in your family whose opinions really carry that weight, and talk to them (or ask your parents to talk them if that works better) before you make any decisions.
For my own part, I'm tempted to say "You snooze you lose." Your cousin beat you to the punch and got everything lined up before you'd even gotten engaged. Every family is different though - yours might rally around you if they can. They might also honestly tell you they can't swing it, politely or finically.
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