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my boyfriend is hiding something?
what do i do about this?
i am an 18 y/0 female.
sorry this is long!!
ok well to sum it up, ive been dating this guy for about 8 months. Thats a really long time for me. I also lost my virginity to him. In the past I have caught him lying, but after we broke up for a week he swears up and down he wont ever lie again. I love him with everything. I am completely attached to this boy. But last night I saw something I really wished i wouldnt have.
(dont judge me here please)
I was logged on to his facebook. the only reason i was, was to look at this girls pictures ( i couldnt look at her from mine because we wernt friends.)
Anyways while i was logged into his facebook a notification popped up saying
something like "heyyyy 817 997 6623" i didnt even see it long enough to see the number or girl bc it was deleted. ( i guess he was on with his own phone)
now keep in mind, we have a strict rule not to text or talk to the oppisite sex. Espically to not hide it from each other.
this really kills me that i saw this. It makes me think is he cheating on me? who is this girl? why is he hiding it?
& idk what to do because i cant confront him. im crying right now typing this because it kills me to think he is cheating on me, or even if its just mentally cheating.
please help me
what should i do? what should i think?
i am so beyond crushed right now :(
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If you go looking for trouble you are gonna find it.
I know if my partner told me I couldn't have communication with people of the opposite sex I would think he was jealous and weak. He wouldn't be my partner for long.
Also, I am not going to sit down and tell my partner about all the conversations I have had throughout the day. It's just none of his business, and some people may have told me things in trust. He loves me, so he wants me to have a full life becuase he knows that I know the difference between right and wrong and I am not some dog to be put on a leash.
If your boyfriend is really cheating on you, you would know it.
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Your strict rule is holding him accountable for things he can't control. He cannot stop other people from sending him messages, and neither can you.
If you wanted to have a rule, it could be that neither one of you will respond to messages; that's controllable. More than a little unrealistic, but measurable and controllable.
Neither of you can live in a world where you have no contact with the opposite sex. Men and women can and do work together, be friends, and interact in ways that do not threaten relationships. If you can't accept that, you need to figure out why.
All you know for sure is he got a message. Ask him about it!
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If you have decided that calling, texting or talking to other girls is cheating, you will ALWAYS, every single time, for the rest of your life, get cheated on. Honestly, you are getting too old to still believe that a boy can't talk to another girl, even an attractive one, without cheating on his girlfriend.
Your boyfriend may or may not be hiding something. There is no way for anyone to know from just what you've said here.
However - You don't trust your boyfriend at all, so yes, you should break up with him.
The next guy you do date, do yourself a favor and work on actually trusting someone else. Trust means believing that it is possible for a guy to speak to another girl, even an attractive one, without cheating on you. Trust means trusting your partner to select his own friends, girls and boys, and trusting him to NOT cheat when he says he will not cheat. Trust doesn't mean setting rules and making him constantly PROVE to you each day that he isn't cheating.
My boyfriend has many female friends. Some of whom I've never met. That's okay. I can't stop him from cheating by controlling who he talks too. Only he can decide whether he will cheat or not. Because I care for him and respect him, I believe him when he says he will not cheat. We talk about our friends and our feelings, and we can discuss, together, if there is friendship that makes either of us uncomfortable. I don't assume he will cheat, and make him prove he isn't. I assume he isn't cheating, and because I respect him and trust him, it would take a lot to make me question that assumption.
Yes, I might get hurt this way. But it's the only respectful way to be.
Both of you, you and him, set this relationship up to fail when you made rules that assumed cheating was going to happen. Anxiety and fear where absolutely going to happen if you set rules that are impossible to follow or unfair to demand.
You need to grow, move on and develop real trust with a partner. You can probably only do that with someone else.
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