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Two pronged question; Being friends with girls.
19M
Ok, so the first question is easy really. Though it's something I've kinda worried about for a while about myself. To put it simply, I prefer to be friends with girls, perhaps date them, over sleeping with them. I'd rather stay in for a movie and cuddle than have sex. Does that make me weird, for a straight guy? None of my guy friends see what I like about it. (But my female friends tend to love it haha)
My main part to the question is, I see this aspect of me ruining future relationships. I tend to have a couple of female friends at all times, who I often spend an evening with alone. We might go out together, or watch a movie, or whatever. Nothing happens, we're just friends. At the moment I'm single. I worry though that when I have a girlfriend, she'll be always jealous of the fact that i'm alone with other girls (Because I thought about it, and I don't want to stop haning out with friends the way I do because some girl doesn't want me too). I do think that this will make it incredibly hard for me to start a relationship. When the trust isn't built yet, how do you persuade her there's nothing going on?
Any help would be appreciated, but don't insult me, I get enough of that already.
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you are normal and mature; here's a secret...women will judge you by how well you trreat your female friends and how many of them you have that are platonic...there is nothing wrong with not having a strong sex drive; rememer the old saying, sex is over rated and under apprciated(my saying, and i am old); point is, you worry too much what your friends will think or even do think...you need to go to the beat of your own drum and if night's in aree what floats your boat, then anchor's aweigh my friend....good luck; you'll be just fine...
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Having girls that are friends is fine, but what you do when you are around these girls is another thing. I guess the best way to look at it is this. Say, you just start dating this AMAZING girl and you find out after 3 weeks or so of dating that she keeps hanging around several of her guy friends and they hang out just the two of them alone and cuddle and watch movies... I am pretty sure you would be pissed. Cuddling isn't sex, but it is a side of emotional and physical intimacy. That is something a guy should not do with other females, if he is in a relationship. If you get a new girlfriend the best thing to do is distance yourself a little from these girls you are friends with for a while so you get accustomed to your new relationship. Let your girlfriend know first off who your girls are that you are friends with and maybe invite one or two of them over WITH you and your girlfriend, so she can meet them and know that they are trustworthy. You may also have to talk to these girls you are friends with and make it clear where the lines are crossed in regards to how much and what you guys do when hanging out. You may not realize it, but some of these girls you are friends with might even like you more than friends because of what you are doing, so making sure you have appropriate boundaries between your friends and your relationship is VERY important. I have had issues with my boyfriend and his "friends". A little bit different though, considering some of them he has slept with. We have agreed that the ones he has slept with just aren't worth him causing problems with us. Because the way I see it is, if you are really FRIENDS you do not sleep together. That is definetely crossing the line between friends and more. Now cuddling, I wouldn't be comfortable with my boyfriend cuddling on another girl. That is just too friendly and would definetely be taken the wrong way. So just try to see it from a possible girlfriends perspective. Hope I helped you!
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You're not weird for liking to watch movies and cuddle instead of having sex. It just makes you different from the normal horny guys out there. Which is good in the girl world. As for having a lot of girl friends rather than guy friends that you like to hang out with, good for you. It's good to have a variety of boys and girls around and you're probably more sensitive and used to girls feelings, which will make your future relationships a little easier.
However, a girls trust is hard to gain, and when you're with these other girls alone, you're right, it will be difficult for a girlfriend to understand. But compared to other guys you could probably understand why a girl would get worried by you being the only boy alone in a group full of girls.
Upon getting a new girlfriend, make sure to gain a strong connection with her right at the start, where you can be completely open with her about everything that ever goes on, and make sure she's well aware of your close girl friends. Make sure that she knows they're just friends, and if she wasn't involved in your group of friends to begin with, introduce her to your other girl friends so she realizes there's nothing going on. Maybe they'll even get along well and you can all hang out together, but when you're all not together you and your girl can be alone or you can hang out with your girl friends with out her. A girl is more likely to trust you with another girl she trusts, than just some random girl she barely knows.
Good luck with the ladies, hope this helped!
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You’re right. It will be hard. It’ll get easier as you get older.
Have a little bit of sympathy for the doubts of a woman – as you’ve probably noticed in your male friends, very few guys know how to be friends with a girl without wanting to sleep with her. As far as I can tell this remains true well into their twenties. Some never learn the trick of it.
You are different than the ‘norm’. For some girls out there, it will be a good kind of different, but different is always scary.
We can imagine possible future problems for you until the cows come home. We can imagine that your low sex drive and sociable nature might make you an ideal specimen for alien abduction and inclusion is some huge alien zoo if we'd like.
I'm not insulting you there at all. It's just that some problems are often best faced as we come up against them, with the person we want to face them with. Putting too much energy into mulling the problems beforehand pretty much guarantees stress and worry, even if stress and worry isn't warranted.
Like everyone on the planet, you need a girlfriend who is a good match for you. Possibly one with a lower sex drive, and someone with enough confidence and ability to trust that she wont be overly concerned with your female friends.
We are all looking for compatibility. And compromise.
You build trust through giving trust, and through honesty and compromise. You make sure your girlfriend meets your female friends, and you are honest about why you want to be with her (and not with them).
You also probably adjust your behavior a bit around those female friends. There are some new lines you might yourself naturally drawing with your female friends when you enter a relationship.
Most people, when they enter a relationship, naturally spend a bit less time with friends, and a bit more time with their partner. There is a balance that as to be struck, but you will naturally, just based on the number of hours in the day, spend a bit less time with your friends. That’s okay.
When you meet someone you want to be in a relationship with, you'll learn. You might suck at it and make mistakes. You might be a bad match and have troubles. Most relationships have troubles and most of the people you meet will be a bad match for you in some way or another.
This is the sort of thing you need to let happen, and simply be honest as it happens.
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