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He wants to use a condoma and I don't want to so WHY?!
lets go with me and my boyfriend have been having sex im on birth control and when i started going on birth control me and him started not using condoms and i dont really like using them. well the other night he was like i wanna try a condom with lube ok lets try then again last night he used a condom and i was just thinking why again? so i was like um no were not using those i dont like them and hes like really and i go yah. then no b.c i didnt want him to get mad. now all i was thinking hes having sex with someone else wtf! and i felt like if i asked him that hed filp b.c it might or most likely not true. so basically the mood was torn and he got mad b.c i left him hanging and now its weird. and i was like if your going to change the way we have sex you should tell me why and he said it hurt last time with out one then i dont want babies and w.e so your telling me three diff reasons and i was like your not the only one having sex with me here so i think i should know why and he like ignored me on that question. so i dont know what to do.
and just a reminder im well old enough to be having sex and me not using condoms is none of your business so i dont like to hear that i should be using them i know all i need to know, ive had one partner so has he.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Of the three answers already given you rated the best answer the lowest. It is an unfortunate fact that having sex today means you have to protect yourself not only from unwanted pregnancy but from all the partners you and your current partner have had sex with. At least until you and your partner have had multiple blood tests and you are both sure of you are an exclusive couple.
My only interest at this time is you, you are the one writing. I do not know you or your boyfriend other than what you have written. You say you �are well old enough to have sex and not using a condom is none of your business�. I am not sure about the last part. I know using condoms can be a problem from having to stop what you are doing to put it on to the change in feeling when using one. What I wonder about is if you would change your mind about condom usage if you spent a day or two with a health department worker tracking down the partners of someone who has just been diagnosed with an STD.
You start with the most recent partners and work backwards to the two previous partners of the first two partners then to those two partners and so on and so on until you find the person that first infected one of them. When you look at the visual chain of all the people the two people at the top of the chain have had unwittingly had sex with you begin to wonder about why people are so reluctant to use condoms?
There is no sign on your partner that says he or she is a STD carrier. You can inspect your partner�s sex penis and not see any evidence of an STD. You can scrub him, disinfect him and still be infected. You are in effect not only endangering yourself but your future partners as well by having unprotected sex.
There are many different types of condoms on the market today. There are ribbed one, latex ones, lambskin ones, lubes, non-lubed and a variety of others. I am sure if you search through what is out there you will find a condom that offers you the protection you should have and the enjoyment you want. The only feeling a condom will rob you of is the feeling of your partner�s sperm hitting the walls of your vagina. If this is the feeling you cannot have sex without then I do not know what to tell you other than you are playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.
I know this is not what you wanted to hear and you may rate this as low as you want. The grandfather in me had to say this. Sex is a beautiful thing and it should not be spoiled by being reckless. I hope you will give what I have written as well as re think what bliz has written as we have given you the best advice we have to offer.
Response:
First; you added the information about you and your boyfriend only have sex with each other after I answered you so I was not aware of this when I answered you.
Second; you state in the main portion of your letter that you felt, “now all I was thinking hes having sex with someone else wtf!” If you are having these thoughts then this alone is a good enough reason to protect yourself.
I am not saying your boyfriend did or did not sleep with someone else. I am willing for the moment to give him the benefit of the doubt and accept his excuse that the last sex you two had was painful for him and he wanted to try a lubricated condom. His excuse is a little thin but reasonable when looked at from the point of view that sex is for the enjoyment of both partners. If one partner is not getting the full enjoyment from your sexual activity then you need to discuss it and find a way for both partners to find fulfillment and enjoyment. In this particular case a little K-Y Jelly would have accomplished what the lubricated condom was going to do.
Sex is a beautiful and wonderful thing which should be enjoyed by both partners. When I was your age we had STD’s to worry about but none were as life threatening as AID’s. Condoms may dull your enjoyment somewhat but for now they are the only means of protecting us from AID’s and other STD’s. I have spent the greater part of my life looking out for the well being of others which is what I am trying to do here. Yes, your birth control is working; condoms as primary form of birth control is not an as effective as the pill or IUD.
Is your present boyfriend going to be the only boy you ever sleep with? If not how about the next boy you sleep with? How many girls will he have slept with before sleeping with you? How many boys will they have slept with before sleeping with him? Practicing safe sex now prepares you for future partners later in life. Question; do you wear a seatbelt when driving or riding in a car? Most of us do. Using a condom today will someday save your life, just as someday a seatbelt will save your life.
You can ignore what I have written or you can take it to heart. I do not know you, I haven’t known any of the teenagers I have had to pull out of wrecked vehicles and put in body bags because they were not wearing seatbelts. I say this so hopefully I or someone like me will not have to take you to the hospital when you are suffering from AIDS. Am I trying to scare you, yes I am; just like I do when I lecture students about drinking and driving and wearing seatbelts. I am trying to save lives and if that life is yours than that’s great and I have accomplished what I set out to do.
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You are worried that he's having sex with someone else, but you believe him when he says he has only had one partner? And how many people has that one other person had sex with? You should know, because in terms of STDs, you are having sex with all of them.
Birth control does a fairly good job of preventing pregnancies, but does nothing to prevent the spread of a long list of sexually transmitted diseases that your current behavior puts you at risk for getting and passing on. Condoms can decrease the odds of you contracting them. I know you don't want to hear it, but that's the truth and your attitude doesn't alter those facts one little bit.
You're being smart about birth control, why not be smart about disease as well?
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Elliah4ue:
for starter's im glad you point out the protection bout sex cause i get tired of telling the same thing over especially to girls that know
so kudos for you on that one...and I love how your putting your readers in place on what really the problem and what they should be paying attention to
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okay to anwser your question you aleady ask him was having sex with any one else...and you dont have know idea who it could be and have no way approving it to him then i suggest you stop having sex with him til he come out with the truth or threaten to leave him or you can flip the hell out on him about who he havi ng sex with
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but to save you time on all this I gonna just say this if yall love each then it fighting for if youy like him alot then you better find some answer on what he doing and if it not niether one of these above then simply KICH HIS NARROW ASS TO THE DICK RIDERS....LOL I SHOULDNT BE SAYING THIS TO YOU....
Elliah4yue
please leave a message in the inbox
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'me not using condoms is none of your business so i dont like to hear that i should be using them'
But that's just the point.
The fact that HE wants to use condoms means you should using them too if you want to sleep with him.
No method of contraception is 100% effective and it's very sensible to double up. Your boyfriend has every right to use them if he wants to and should not have to deal with a bad attitude from you. Sex is a two way thing. It is completely unacceptable for you to get angry with him because he wants to be safe.
Your trust issues with him have nothing to do with contraception. If you think he's sleeping with someone else then it's a different issue entirely. Stop sleeping with him until you sort it out.
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