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I think i've fallen hard for the wrong person and i have no clue what to do
fair warning this is sorta long. sorry, but please please read it. i'm desperate. i rewrote it zillions of times to make it a bearable length to read. also i will leave out some details to remain totally anonymous.
Here's the background on the situation. I'm 17 and a girl, my best friend, also a girl, just turned 20. we've only known each other for about two years and until last week we never lived closer than 2 lay-overs and 5 hours in a plane away from each other. the timing that we met was perfect because we needed each other in that moment. we became best friends in no time, we told each other we loved each other and were sisters till the end.
we had always been cuddly and slept in the same bed snuggled up with each other, but the next summer things got a little to close sometimes. another long story short, we ended up making out a few times. the first time was really "intense" nothing too much (thank goodness) just kissing and such. we were kissy all night like on the cheeks and forehead any pretty much everywhere except the mouth area. then she sorta crossed the line. i was shocked and freaked out. she asked if thats what i wanted and i couldn't get words to come out. i just shrugged and the makeout sesh continued for a while. another time it happened, i think it might have been my fault, but it got stopped thankfully, and another time just cutesy little pecks,mostly her, and still inappropriate for friends, but less so than the first time.
about 6 months later we were finally able...er i was finally able to discuss it like a normal human being. some bad stuff happened to me when i was younger, so sexual things even just kissing and relationship discussions make me a little uncomfortable. we found out at the time we sort of wanted to be more than friends but neither had the guts to admit it.
now go forward again about 7 months.
unfortunately i think i'm still hung up on the kissing, and wanting to be more than friends thing. i love her a lot, but i never want to lose her. and now she has a boyfriend so i'd feel like a selfish ass to bring it up. so here i sit again at 3:30am stressing out about this. i know that being more than friends isn't something i want in the long run. i want to marry a man and have kids and be a happy family. and i want my friend to be like their aunt and i want her and her husbands kids to be friends with me and my husbands kids, but right now i think i want to be "with" her. sometimes in my right mind i know that that's not possible and that it's not really what i want, but other times it eats me alive.
if you read this far, thank you so so so much. this has been killing me for almost a year now. here are my "simple" questions. what on earth do i do? do i tell her how i feel? or do i be a good friend and stuff those feelings down and never tell her how crazy she makes me when she talks about how in love she is with this new boyfriend and how they plan on getting married and all this other stuff? all these late nights in tears are wearing me down, i'm open to any advice anyone has.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I don't think you should bottle this up anymore than you already have. You do need to talk to her, and you do need to reveal your feelings for her, but it should be as more of a confession than an ultimatum. I know you don't want to ruin her relationship with her boyfriend, and it isn't right for you to ask her to jeopardize her new relationship - So don't make her choose between a relationship with you and her relationship with her boyfriend. Just tell her how you feel in order to get it off your chest, and then you need to move on, because she has moved on and found someone else. I know that your relationship with her was obviously special, and that you feel like you will never find anyone else in the whole world that compares...but you will. (This is hard for me to say to you, because I am going through a similar situation where I met someone that in my mind was perfect for me, and I feel like no one else in my life can compare to him, and I don't want to move on from him...but I have to in order to stay sane, since he has moved on from me. I had the same problem as you - up until 4 in the morning, not being able to sleep or eat because of it.) I think you need to just put things in perspective - be grateful for the past, but realize that it IS the past now, and since your friend has made it clear that she wants to be with her boyfriend and wants to keep your relationship on a friend level, this is how you should think of it too. It will be difficult for you, since you have been desiring more of her for over a year, but since she doesn't want to be with you, (as it stands now) you have to move on. Tell her how you feel, and then move on. If she suddenly drops everything with her boyfriend after you tell her about your feelings for her and wants to be with you, then that's her decision. But all you can do right now is admit your feelings, and if she stays with her boyfriend, then you have to move on.
Sit her down and tell her like it is.
Good luck
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I think if you are really in love with her, you have to change your picture of what you want your life to be. You're not meaning to, but in a way you're saying that you are just interested in something for the time being, like maybe a toy, and you want to play with that toy a whole bunch, but when you're done, you want it to be in the same condition it was before.
It sounds like you have a lot more soul-searching to do before you ask her to trash her relationship.
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Hmm , well what do you do , you either take it or leave it right? If you love it let it go , right? I mean you CAN try getting her back , but since she has a boyfriend now , she likes someone else and moved on and so should you? Just look at your past as something that was a mistake , just brush it aside and start fresh because if you don't this will keep getting you back and make you stress out at 3:30 am in the morning , NOT GOOD!!! Okay well you got to tell her , you got to tell her before it's too late , or tell her that like you guys really need to talk and sit down with her and talk to her , honestly , you need to do that it will make you feel better and everything will work out , you just need some time and stuff. Don't let it wear you down and cry it's not worth it. Please talk to her tell her everything you just wrote down and all that stuff you left out too...My advice to you is either move on or tell her straight up , and you tell her how you feel it might get you somewhere.
Good luck girl : )
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