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im hiding the biggest secret that is killing me.
basically i know my dads cheating. i dont think reallty that is with one women, i think its prostitutes. im 18.. ive known about this for years, but this year its hit me hard. My moom has no clue, and works nights. Basically, i believe he might be doing this becasue he doesnt feel loved from us, since me and my brother hardly talk to him, my brothers away at college, and my mom works nights, while he works days. It kills me to the deepest part in my heart, and knowing that i am the only one who is holding this secret is killing me knowing my dads a lie and i have to hold a secret from my mom. I cant tell her because i have the strongest feeling in the whole world that he would hurt himself or kill himself. my parents are almost 50, and i just dont think i could possibly stand seeing them go through a divorce.
my biggest dilema is should i say something, but if i tell my dad our relationship would go further down the drain, because i have no relationship at all. it kills me to know that someone i used to be soooooooo close to is now just a lie in my life and could possibly feel not loved, but its hard to show my love when were already so far apart and i know everything hes doing and seen him lie to me not be there for me.... so if i say something to him then im afraid he'll take action to hurt himself..
If i dont say something, im sooo scared guilt will catch up to him and he'll kill himself, or he'll get caught with a prostitute.
its a circle, and i have no answer. ive been to counseling, talked to my moms best friend, everything. this is really affecting my life and i just dont know what to do. i neeed help please.
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first of all i want to say how strong you sound. this is a lot to take in i dont know how you have held it in for so long. i think you need to speak up. or 10 years from now things could get so much worse and youll feel even more guilty. if you have no realationship with your dad then it cant get much worse. your mom and the rest of your family deserves to know the truth. its unfourtante you were the one put with this huge secret but its your job now and i think you can do it. theres always a risk your dad could hurt himself even if your mom doesnt find out just because he could feel guilty. but it wont be your fault if he did but for some reason i dont think he would. it wouldnt be right. maybe that is the reason for his cheating feeling unloved but its no excuse. if he thought that cheating was the only way out then somethings seriosly wrong cause theres so many other ways. once you get this off your chest things will figure themselve out. it will be okay. xoxo
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I very, VERY strongly suggest that you stay out of it.
You know your parents better than I do. You say you think he'll hurt himself and I can't in good conscience tell you to interfere anyway.
If you step in, one or worse both could blame you when their lives fall apart and it's all out in the open. If you don't, their lives could still fall apart, but no part of it would be in any way put on your shoulders.
It also, to some degree, comes down to what you could live with. This situation could go south no matter what you do. What could you live with? Could you live with yourself if you did nothing? Could you live with yourself if you said something and your parents lost their shit?
If you decide to take any action, you might consider doing what you can to "suicide proof" your house. Remove any knives, firearms, scissors, anything you think he might hurt himself with from places he'd go to grab something, and have a phone ready to call 911 the second anything goes bad. If your father threatens suicide at any point do not hesitate to call 911 and have him put under a 72 hour involuntary psychiatric lockdown. As his non minor daughter I'm pretty sure they'd take your word if you called in saying he was suicidal if you thought he needed to be protected from himself.
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i'm sorry to hear that, it sounds like you're having a hard time.
i know that you think you are the only one who knows about this, but maybe you aren't. your mom could possibly know about it, but is also keeping it a secret to keep the family together.
i think you should ASK your dad, not TELL. ask him if there is anything going on - this gives him the opportunity to own up. if you don't have much relationship to begin with, then you aren't going to lose anything by trying.
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Wow , well i'm really sorry to hear that. If you really feel the need to do it , you need some proof before anything. But , I think something has to be done , if it's not then it will cut and affect your life even more and it's wrong it's affecting your brother and your mom, they have the right to know. How would you like it if your husband was with prosititues? not that good and knowing your close one knew all along. I think you need proffessional help to deal with this , get him away from anything you think he might hurt/harm himself, it's dangerous yes , but I think that you can't leave it alone. You guys really need to start trying to make a bond , it's never too late.Please do something about it before the police catch him or anything like that , you need to go and tell someone, even though you said you told your mom's bestfriend... she should be doing something though... I think you guys need to support him and love him. My advice for you is , talk to your mom's bestfriend or councellors , something needs to be done , you are the only aid in this mess , you can help and save their lives. Your dad's so he isn't so clueless and your mom and brother so they don't get hurt and your mom doesn't go heart broken , and yourself. Please do, good luck girl!
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