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help! relationships, or lack thereof
I just turned 18 and i've never had a boyfriend.. i've had casual hook ups/kissed guys but its so pointless unless you actually like the person. even though i try to go out with a positive attitude/smile on my face in clubs my friends seem to get approached more by guys and have more opportunities to meet them than i do.. this starts to fuck with your self esteem after a while and u lose confidence around boys, and ive questioned if there's something wrong with me.. alot my friends have said they don't understand why i don't get any guys because they say i'm attractive and outgoing/genuine person.. (just so you know im not a dropkick and thats not the reason why im still single). im also a bit of an 'all or nothing' person.. there seems to be so many dropkick guys out there... and not enough of the good ones.. and when the good ones do come along.. they dont seem to be interested.. or i just act really awkward around the ones i like.. its like a lose lose situation with me gaaah.. any advice.. or do you know why i don't seem to attract many of the RIGHT guys, while alot of my friends do ?
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I am exactly the same I know what you mean. you start to think am I unattractive, how come they get all the guys and I get none. None of them pay much attention to me unless theyre flirting. trust me is dosen't last forever when you start to be happy with who you are and not fishing for guys just having a good time thats when they notice your smile and good look on life and ask you out trust me it'll all work out for you in the end.
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This reads like I had written this myself! It took me years to figure it out.
I was aware that the moment a guy showed up, I changed. I morphed into this goofy, awkward, unfunny, weird or a silent blob. Guys could resist me all day long!
Later, I came to see that I was fairly needy for love, and if I had met a guy who was kind to me, I could have been so easily taken advantage of - I would have done just about anything for love.
So, when I look back at that now I realized how my goofyness or weirdness protected me from some major harm and pain to my heart and self esteem.
I agree with you, casual hook-ups are pointless when you don't know and love someone. There are way more, as yyou call them, dropkick guys than goood ones. There always have been. That's in part because they mature slower than we do.
Hang in there! The guys will get better and you will get less weird around guys. More exposure to guys in non-dating situations - classes, schoolclubs, volunteer projects - may prove to be helpful.
Be patient, the world will be more to your liking in just a few years. Please don't do anything rash that you may later regret.
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Are your friends the promiscuous type? If they are, then that's why guys are flocking after them. Maybe they sense that you want something more, and not just a fling. You're not going to find a drop dead gorgeous, moral, loving guy. It doesn't happen. Most drop dead guys are freaking jerks, and they only care about sex, because they know they won't be alone for long. Look for an "attractive", person, but not in clubs. Guys who go to clubs are looking for hook ups, not relationships. If you want an opportunity to meet someone different, try going somewhere else. The mall, the movies, coffee shops, the library..places like that. If you're looking for it though, you won't find it. Let it come to you, just because all the guys aren't flocking, doesn't mean that they don't want to, maybe they're just too shy to approach you as well. Good luck to you
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