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Can't get away from inlaws
I will do my best to keep this short! My family and I are going on vacation soon and my inlaws have decided to invit themselves to come up for a night. They asked us last year while we were on vaca if they could come up for the day and we were ok with that but, again they assumed they were going to spend the night. Wheny husband told them nou father-in-law got so mad that they just left in the middle of the day and did not talk to us for 2 weeks. well here we are again bit this year they did not ask and just told us they were cing because they have to see the girls on their birthdays. We work full time all year and never get time alone with the kids. We worked alot of overtime to afford this trip and only take 1 week a year off for this. My husbands parents live in the same town and our 6 year old is there atleast 2 days a week and my mother in law is here almost everyday of the week or we are doing things together on the weekeneds. See my point is that we see them constantly and on top of that she disrespects my wishes and buys the girls whatever they want. My 6 year old gets what ever she wants the most and acts like a baby around her. They are always telling us how to be parents oraking comments about my family toy face. On top of that she makes rude comments about my 18 ur old from another marriage to my face I do stick up but, at the same time nite my tongue and my husband will not say anything. My question is how do I tell them that we do not want them there without a problem like last year? Mind you my mother whom I see once every 2 weeks did not even think about asking!!
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I don't think you can.. or should. These are your in-laws. For better or worse they are your family. You're stuck with them for the rest of your life. Surely one day of inconvenience on vacation could be worth keeping the peace in your family for the rest of the year. It seems like it would be worth it to avoid the stress of a strained relationship. We can't choose our family and sometimes we have to go out of our way even when we don't want to. That's just the way it is. Maybe, like you, they want to spend some time with their family in a special way, away from the day to day grind of life. Perhaps if you make it clear that the visit can only be for one night. Plan an activity out with the kids for the night they are scheduled to leave so there is no confusion that your time with them is over and you are moving on with the rest of your vacation without them. You may have to sacrifice 1 day in order to enjoy 6 days of peace with your family. As for your your MIL buying spoiling your girls, keep in mind that that's what grandparents do, and should do. Once when my son was whining for some candy and my MIL gave it to him I said "You know you can say no to him sometimes. Its ok". Her response? "Oh no! I've raised my kids and said plenty of no's! That's your job now. Now I just get to say yes to my wonderful grandchild!" Don't look at it as her undermining you. Look at it as her enjoying her grandchildren. Its a special relationship, one that's different from parenting, and one that is good for both your girls and the grandparents. Your girls are certainly blessed to have so many people around them that love them! And as for rude comments about your son, I always say kill 'em with kindness! If she picks at you, ask her what her advice would be for the situation. She'd probably fall right over that you even asked in the first place. Then, when she gives you advice, politely say "Thank you, I hadn't thought about it that way. I'll think about that" and move on. Even if the advice sucked and you'd NEVER do it, she doesn't need to know that. And you don't have to follow it. The point is you can't change her, you can only change how you react to her. So work on that, and try to think of her as a member of your team, even when she makes it hard for you. I promise, your life will be a lot easier if you do that. Remember, she's not going anywhere - neither are you.
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You say nothing.
Your husband tells his parents that they are not welcome. "Mom, Dad, this is our one week's vacation this year, and we are going to spend it with just the immediate family. We can celebrate 6 yr old's birthday when we get home."
When you return home, there is another conversation to be had. "Mom, Dad, some things need to change. My wife's decisions about what is best for the children must be honored. Buying Maggie everything she wants is turning her into a whiney baby, and it has to stop. Further, we will not put up with any more negetive comments about Fred. He is a much loved member of t he family and the next time you say anything negetive about him, you will be asked to leave our house for a week."
And then it must be enforced by both of you. Take unwanted gifts away. Kick them out if they say negetive thngs about son. They probably aren't going to think you mean businessss until this is done once or twice.
If you haven't already done so, lie to your in-laws about exaclty where you will be on vacation. Or tell them there has been a change. I'm sure you have a cell phone - they can reach you if there is an emergency.
You and hubby need to be united, and it sounds like you are, but because it's hhis parents, he needs to speak to them.
Hang tough! You've got the right goals.
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