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bad communicator over the phone
So my boyfriend and I go to the same college, and now its summer and we are now in two different states.
Our only interaction is texting, and although he is an excellent conversationalist when in person or even on the phone, he's an awful texter/chatter/letter writer, etc.
By awful I mean no more than a couple words response, rarely asks me questions unless I'm on his case about what a bad texter he is. I always feel like I'm interviewing him, and he gets annoyed with it. And plus we don't even learn anything new about each other, its just what we did that day and that's pretty much it (I've tried taking it on to a deeper lever numerous times, and he fights it). But he does text me first, but when he does there still is no real conversation.
I've made him get skype hoping it would help, but he's never on it. Talking on the phone is out of question because we're two busy people, and also because I can't stand talking on the phone.
What do I do? If you think he's cheating, I know he's not. He's not going through a rough time either, he's always been like that. I know for a fact he cares about me, when it comes to serious stuff he is willing to talk about it (but again, not as much as he would be in person).
I'm so frustrated. Its still two months that I will get to see him. A lot of times I end up in tears after talking to him because it feels like he doesn't care about me, I tell him something exciting that's happened, and I just get a "really" in response for example. I almost feel like it would be best to just stop texting all together until school starts again and when I'll see him pretty much everyday.
I don't know if its worth breaking up over, we're really compatible when in person, and we've been through a lot. Although I've told him that's its hard to keep a one-ended conversation going, he just says "am I really that bad?" and then he'll ask me a few questions, and then it stops just as soon as it began.
Please tell me what I should do, or if I'm just being dumb and overreacting (I mean he does always text me back afterall). The longer we do this, the more resentment there seems to be from both sides, and its ruining our relationship. I don't want to force him into talking to me.
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It seems like you are putting way too much pressure on a text. Why don't you set up "skype dates" like once or twice a week and cut back on the texting or just take the pressure of him to text back all the time? I text my boyfriend A LOT but I know I do. He doesn't always answer me unless I'm asking him a question, but I know he's getting them and reading them so it's good enough for me. Guys just are not as chatty as girls. Take a chill pill, it's just texting. I would find other things to do together for long distance relationships. Just google "long distance relationship ideas" and you get a ton of stuff.
My boyfriend is in the military and he's currently deployed so we're doing all kinds of this stuff. Just remember its temporary separation, not forever. Good luck.
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It's not worth breaking up with him.
Your boyfriend understands that some things are easier to talk about in person. Emotionally loaded text messages are not a good idea. For the most part, you want to keep the subject light and not go into deep discussions every day.
Being confrontational about his lack of words over the phone won't help. He won't enjoy texting and will learn to associate it with being criticized.
Let him know exactly how you feel. Tell him how much it frustrates you and how much you miss talking to him. It might be hard for him to express his feelings through a text.
Texting is completely different from talking to him in person. You can joke around, talk a little bit about each other's days, but that's really it.
Save the deep discussions for when you're face-to-face.
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