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Problem with friend who is involved in my wedding
Hi, I am 47 and am getting married in about 6 weeks. My friend who is 25 wanted to make our wedding cake. I wasn't comfortable with it at the time but said ok because she really wanted to do it and it was going to be our wedding gift from her. She can be immature at times and gets easily offended. We work together on a Board of Directors for a camp. She sat on some information I gave her and lied to one of the people in charge. She made it sound like I was the one who sat on the information when I gave it to her weeks before. I confronted her about it and she got mad and said she didn't lie and made some excuse to make it sound like what she did was ok. She never apologizes when she does something wrong nor when she hurts me. Now I would rather not have her make our cake nor be at our wedding, but I don't know how to tell her this without her taking offense. She is so immature that if something doesn't go her way, she will literally throw a tantrum and walk out, and I do not want our wedding day to be ruined because she isn't included in a photo or involved in doing something. When I didn't hear from her I asked her if she was still making our cake and if not I found somewhere else that can do it, and she took offense to that. I am just tired of all her drama. We used to live in the same area but she has moved to a different city so we do not see nor talk to each other as much anymore. This sounds terrible but it would be no big loss if I ended the friendship. She considers me her best friend but I never considered her my best friend. My future husband is my best friend. I am sorry this is long but I don't know how to shorten it without leaving out crucial details. Hope someone can give me some advice, and let me know if it is proper etiquette to "disinvite" someone from your wedding.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Lord. I'm 25 for the record and that's ridiculous.
Sever the friendship. Be honest about it. Don't apologize. Make the cake arrangements tomorrow, and be prepared to have her removed if she shows up to the wedding looking for trouble.
She's young enough to be your kid and she's acting like it. I wouldn't tolerate that in my life, I can't for the life of me understand why you are.
Be polite, but cut things off. Tell her point blank that she threw you under the bus and there's no excuse for it, and that her willingness to defend an action she knows is wrong tells her alot about how much she really values you as a friend, that she can't even woman up and apologize for basically screwing you over to try to save her own ass.
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This is your day, you have the right to have things just the way you want them. While it may be awkward, you have every right to tell your friend you'd prefer to go with a professional for the big day. Tell her you accepted her offer in the first place because you thought it was so sweet, but the more you thought about it the more you wanted a professional cake. You already know she's going to be offended. There's no way around that. The best you can hope for is that she'll get over it. If she doesn't, her loss. Friends shouldn't CAUSE stress in your life. Friends should EASE stress. If she's doing the former and not the latter, then I wouldn't waste too much energy worrying about her. Let her go her way, you've got bigger fish to fry right now. Go easy on yourself. Your wedding day is going to be a very special day. The last thing you want to deal with is regrets about something like a cake. Have your day the way you want it. Your friend will either back off or get on board. Either way, you enjoy yourself! Congrats!
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This is your wedding, You are entitled to who shows up and who doesn't. If you don't want your friend to make the cake for you, You are entitled to that as well.
You can explain to her exactly what you've explained to us above, You feel that it would be best if she wasn't a guest at your wedding then you tell her just that. There is no nice way of putting out that sort of information but remembering that it is your day is important. If she feels you owe her an explanation just simply tell her that you feel that her being at the wedding would cause to much stress on both you and your fiance and you would prefer her not to be there. Yes, She may get offended but there is no nice way to deliver such news. As you said, It wouldn't be much of a loss for you if you two didn't continue a friendship, Delivering news would probably anger her but that is on her part to except it and grow up. This is your day not hers.
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