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opening up... and telling my parents I am bi-sexual
14 female
i want to tell my parents that im bisexual but im scared cuz my entire family is part of the christian faith we go to church evey sunday and pray and all that stuff my family is very important to me and i dont want to lose them because of this but i dont wanna keep it a secret from them im not even sure when or where or how to tell them please help me!!!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Right. So I guess I should start of and say that I've had quite a bit of personal experience with this sort of topic. When I was fourteen, I came out to my family as bisexual, and it was just as hard as everyone said. I'll be frank about it.
Coming out to your family can either be the best or the worst choice you could make, but with the right words and the right plan, I'm sure it'll be a great choice.
Your family is your family. And they'll love you no matter what. Will they like your choice in lifestyle or choose to march with a rainbow flag? Probably not. But they are your family. If they're important to you, you're obviously important to them. They'll be there for you no matter what, and this is just another bump in the road as far as families go.
If you want to tell them, tell them. Just be ready and prepared for the reprocusions that may come along later on down the road.
Make sure they know that this was a hard choice to make, coming out to them, and you respect the family ideals and didn't want to hold the secret back any longer.
They'll respect your honesty, and hopefully will respect your decision.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
At your present age I would be hesitant to place a label on your sexuality. At this age both boys and girls are still trying to figure out their sexuality. To label yourself as a Bisexual or even bi-curious would not only be wrong but self defeating at this time. To even put this in the category of a phase that most young people go through would not be right either.
There are a number of reasons for sexual attraction to someone of our own sex at this age. First and foremost is the fact it is safer and easier to relieve the sexual tension brought on by the changing hormones your body is producing. Parents think nothing of two children of the same sex being behind closed doors, sleeping together, even in the same bed, particularly females.
I have known women that have been bi all through college, then gone straight heterosexual afterwards. Reason it was easier and sex was more available if you were bi; it was also safer.
My advice: Don’t put a label on your sexuality at this time. Just enjoy learning about who you are sexually. When you are more adult if you still want to put a label on your sexuality then do so, but for now just enjoy being you.
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Consider telling only one parent first if you think that will make the process easier. Many people find it easier to talk to one parent. Everyone's family is different; you should approach the situation in a way that works for you and your parents. Be prepared for your parents to ask you certain questions,too They may question whether or not you're sure you're bisexual, say they don't believe you, act as though you're just going through a phase or tell you that you'll grow out of it. Some parents may act as though you have a choice in determining your sexuality. Also, don't regret telling them if they automatically freak out. They will more than likely be upset at first, but you ARE their daughter. In time, they will learn to love you no matter the decisions to make. Until then, give your parents some time to think and talk about what you've told them. Not only do they have to deal with their own issues, they also must deal with society's stereotypes.
The fact that your family is christian may also lead to problems. You need to (camly) try your best to explain to them YOUR beliefs.
Explain to them that:
Gay is love.
Lesbian is love.
LOVE IS LOVE.
Let them know that you believe God would want you to be true to yourself, and not LIE and deceive everyone around you, by pretending to be something you are not. That would be a sin, wouldn't it?
No matter what their reaction may be, stay true to what you believe in. Don't pretend to be someone you're not. Do your thing, stay proud and love whoever it may be that comes your way.
If you have any other questions, let me know.
Good luck-I'm sure everything will work out.
Maybe not at first, but definitely in time (:
<3Kristen
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