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Why do we dwell on past?
my dad passed away 3 years ago and I'm still not over it, I lost a fgood riend 4 years ago and I still miss her and hurt from it, why do we dwell something that hurt us in past?
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You are not dwelling on the past. You are missing two people who were very important to you and it hurt you when they left. I think its important for you to realize that you will never really "get over" losing your dad. His passing left a huge hole in your life that can't be replaced. Expecting yourself to get over it is just holding yourself to a standard that can't be reached. You miss him. You'll always miss him. That's ok. And its right. However, missing him (and your friend, for that matter) doesn't mean that you have to recall the pain every time you think about it. It will take some effort, but from now on, whenever you think of your dad, think of something nice, a fun memory or a funny quirk he had. The point is to start smiling when you think of him. Eventually the good memories will become stronger than the pain associated with them, and you'll be able to accept that, while you'll always miss him, you were blessed to have him for a while and you can move forward in your life. You can take steps to move forward by forging new friendships and relationships. Opening yourself up to other people doesn't mean you are forgetting the people you lost, it means you are taking the gifts those relationships gave you and you are applying those gifts to new relationships and situations that will improve your life, and bring you happiness. Its ok to miss your friend and your dad, and even to feel hurt about it. As my grandma used to say - go ahead and take the bus to Pity-ville, just don't stay there. Start making a decision to open yourself up to new experiences. It won't hurt you, it will help heal you, even if you don't believe it right away. You can move forward from this, but the first step starts with you making a decision. Good luck.
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